Welcome to Discuss Fastpitch

Your FREE Account is waiting to the Best Softball Community on the Web.

Register Log in

Parenting Help

Jul 16, 2018
120
18
ASM- I've read and reread this thread now. just an observation and questions for you to consider for yourself.

IF I read correctly your traveling quit a bit to play on the tourney only team. When/Where does she practice? Or are you traveling this far for practice as well?
Its 2.5 hours away and in a place where we have lots of family and friends. The arrangement is we were to go up there maybe 1-2xx a month to practice with the team if we werent playing. Essentially she plays games and thats it. her step-father is attempting to build a 14U team with his daughter so she is practicing 1-3 times a week depending on what she has going on. I felt this was a little excessive and could very well be the problem so I working with her mother and step-father on that.

The reason I ask is this. Your DD is 11. The one thing I've noticed in my time coaching is those 10,11,12,13,14 yo's....generally are very social creatures. I've seen a number of girls choose a "lower" level of play even though they could play up in age or in level (A vs B etc). Their reasoning...they wanted to play with their friends/classmates. The social side of the game may be a part that your DD is missing and contributing to her. This is true of half of my current team.

I have kicked that around a 100 times. I personally dont care about what ever letter is at the end of her age group because at this age it should be about fun and socializing. She is definitely a social butterfly and has no issues making friends. After one practice with the out of town team she's already going back and forth with group texts with the girls etc. In fact I have proposed that same thing to her with the reasoning being - its more about the social part (and learning the game)

As far as flip flopping...i've seen a number of girls who's "favorite" thing is the thing right in front of them...until they realize the "other" thing is over there and they like that one too. It sounds to me like your DD is right in the "normal" for this age. Very few girls at 11 have specialized or picked one sport...

at 10 we kept our DD involved in Soccer, swimming, softball, guitar. She still does all of those now but has dropped soccer and swimming has become secondary to softball. She's 13 now. Keep the options open and variety and she'll sort out what she wants.

Shes already talking about wanting to play volleyball and track next year as a 7th grader. She definitely understands that something is going to have to drop because thats way to much of a full plate for anyone let alone a 11/12 year old. She does alot of the "whats in front of me" thing so I know this is definitely normal but over the past month or so it seems to have gotten worse. Again just to rehash a recent situation. She doesnt want to play in the tournament this weekend because she wants to go the HS football game on Friday When she realized we would have to alter that plan she said no Im staying but presented with the option of doing both she was all about it. But just one week ago she was yelling about never playing again. (HUGH SIGH)

As my DD's coach two three we talk about every 6 months is. 1) I don't have to be your coach...and if it's right for you to go to another team or you want a different experience...my identity is not tied up in being your coach and you have my permission to tell me so and we'll make those changes for you. 2) Is softball something you want to continue doing and put time into. What are your goals and what do YOU think it's going to take to accomplish those? 3) Softball does not define you...and if you play or don't play your mother and I love you no matter what and will support your goals/dreams/desires to the best of our ability.

By leaving the power of the decision in her hands she is in control...when she knows she has a choice she rarely chooses the one we wouldn't choose for her..just knowing she has the option and it's her decision takes a lot of pressure off of DD.

Sounds like you're doing a good job. Lover her no matter what and enjoy this time with her....it goes by quick.
I answered within the context of the quote. For the last few lines I'll just put here.

Thank you. and thats my biggest fear is in 7 years from shes definitely not going to want anything to do with Old Dad ha. Im definitely enjoying the ride as watching her just run and play with her friends is nothing short of amazing.
 

Strike2

Allergic to BS
Nov 14, 2014
1,002
83
Guys (or gals) with all due respect this isnt what Im looking for. I understand what you're saying and I have already touched on these areas. You cant tell me that she doesnt know what college is at 11 but at the same tell me to have her choose which sport to quit doing if she wants to get there. Quite frankly stop telling girls what they can and cannot do period. its insulting. This isnt about her making the choice now which every single person in her life has tried to force her to do since she was 7 years old. We've travelled across the state just to make sure she is where she needs to be including driving 6 hours in one day going from a tourney back home then back to the tournament to finish it up as one of the girls went home sick and we did this for the team and "non committed" athlete begged me to. I dont expect you to believe this but thats also not my problem.
I'm not trying to insult you, but attempting to give you an honest opinion based on experience and what you've shared. I knew what I wanted to do as an adult by the time I was eight years old, and pursued it relentlessly until I achieved it. However, I can tell you that, at age 11, I had only a vague notion of what college or even HS was about. As the father of three HS-age and older, I can tell you that 11 year-olds don't fully understand what's going on next year, much less 7-8 years in the future.

As someone who has been involved with this sport for over a decade and has a kid playing 16/18U, I'm telling you what to expect. You're already having trouble finding teams that will accept the rigorous demands of your DD's competitive cheerleading now, at age 11. 12U ball seems like a big deal when you're in it, but you haven't seen anything yet. The commitment and performance required by a team that can get your DD on a college coach's radar is going to include her being available when they play, whenever and wherever that might be. Unless she's REALLY something, they're going to expect her to be on hand when they practice. If she can't do that, they'll find someone who can.

You can accept this answer or not. I'm not saying that you need to force a decision now, but if the course is playing college softball, she'll eventually need to be all in.
 
May 16, 2016
459
43
Guys (or gals) with all due respect this isnt what Im looking for. I understand what you're saying and I have already touched on these areas. You cant tell me that she doesnt know what college is at 11 but at the same tell me to have her choose which sport to quit doing if she wants to get there. Quite frankly stop telling girls what they can and cannot do period. its insulting. This isnt about her making the choice now which every single person in her life has tried to force her to do since she was 7 years old. We've travelled across the state just to make sure she is where she needs to be including driving 6 hours in one day going from a tourney back home then back to the tournament to finish it up as one of the girls went home sick and we did this for the team and "non committed" athlete begged me to. I dont expect you to believe this but thats also not my problem.
You have already made a choice... Competition Cheer. And there is nothing wrong with that...
 
Aug 12, 2014
544
28
She is 11 and her cheer schedule never stops. Competitions are Nov - April and we have 2 months in the summer (june and july) where she can miss practices for other sports etc. So it is tough and its been hard to find the right balance.
She can't be all-in on two sports. If she is spending this much time with cheer, she can't give a full commitment to softball. I'm completely in favor of kids playing multiple sports, but if she's committed to one sport for 10 months of the year, anything else she does is just a side gig. I don't know nearly as much about college recruiting and such as most people here, but I know that softball needs to be her primary focus if that's her goal.

Of course, she's 11, so she's still figuring out what she wants and is probably going to change her mind hundreds of times in the next year.
 

sluggers

Super Moderator
Staff member
May 26, 2008
6,372
113
Dallas, Texas
Have you faced this situation before? Tell me your story!
DD#1 loved to pitch. She loved to pitch from the first time she stepped onto the rubber. She tried other sports, but she knew exactly which sport was her sport.

DD#3 was a different story. She was a natural athlete...she lettered in 4 sports in HS. Her eye-hand coordination was superb.

She loved to play sports and compete. She wasn't in love with any specific sport. But the idea of *not* playing a sport was, and still is, simply foreign to her As long as she was competing at something, she is a happy kid.

She picked her sports due to logistics.

An AAU basketball team had a practice facility 5 minutes from our house. So, playing for them was ridiculously easy. The HS tennis coach ran a 2 hour a day practice literally behind our house in the summer. Between AAU basketball on the weekends and tennis on the weekdays, her summers were booked.
 
Last edited:
Feb 3, 2016
379
43
I can tell you that my DD has worked on her game so freakishly hard over the last 4 years that 999 out of 1000 kids would've hung up their cleats by now. I seemed to have walked the line of extremely demanding and making it fun. With that being said her game is extremely tight and the issues she has right now are very minute. The game is coming to her very easy right now.

Soccer was her love and she's good because she is just a pure athlete. I can't help her at Soccer like I can Softball (bad knee). We just don't have unlimited time and conflicting schedules are forcing some choices to be made and she is making them. We explore the realities of the choices and what we can do. She is leaning towards competitive Soccer only in the fall and Softball would be year round (if counting training all the skill sets and workouts).

We know a girl right now doing the following. Cheer, Gymnastics ( The only way she goes to an Olympic event is if she buys a ticket) and Softball year round. I thought we had issues until I see that kid getting destroyed each week.

Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk
 
Oct 21, 2016
189
28
You wanted stories and experiences, so here is mine, and it is a tail of 2 girls and 2 dads. You have DD and Me, and BFF (DD's BFF) and her Dad. DD and her BFF both play softball year around, are freshman this year, and neither play any other sports.

My philosophy is to encourage DD to practice and work out as much as possible. Up until last year I was her AC and I always made my self available to practice with her, DW as well. If she doesn't want to practice/work out I remind her of her softball goals, not my goals, her goals, and that the only way to achieve them is to put in the work. She usually wants to practice but sometimes needs this reminder. I stepped away from coaching this year because I could see it wasn't the best thing for me to be on the field. I was always Dad and not coach. Plus to be completely honest DD needed higher level coaching that myself and other dad coaches couldn't provide. We also do our best to provide a balance of softball and other things important to DD, like friends.

The philosophy of BFF's dad is very, very different. Her dad is still an AC, and BFF has a minimum required of hours she has to practice each week outside of team practice. She's a pitcher which requires more time, but she practices a lot when she simply doesn't want to because she has no choice. I am simply amazed BFF has not walked away yet because she complains to DD all that time about how much Softball rules her life and it's all she does. She is growing to despise the game and the amount of time she is required to play, and her dad is very strict in regards to making sure Softball is always the priority.

Example. Tonight is a home High School Football game at 7pm, and the biggest local tournament of the fall is tomorrow. DD plays at 8:15am and BFF plays at 9:30am. DD will be going to the game with us picking her up at 9:30pm so she can get home and get some sleep for the weekend. My compromise with her was 90 min early to bed last night to get some extra sleep, and leave the game at 9:30 whether it's over or not. BFF's morning game is more than an hour later than DD and she is simply not allowed to go to the football game tonight. I can see this reasoning, but if I made rules for DD like this I think she would end up just like BFF and hate the game she is suppose to love. Sooner or later this situation with BFF and her Dad is going to blow up, and I don't think the Dad has a clue it is coming.

The moral of this story is as follows. Make sure your DD's softball career isn't more important to you than it is to her.
 
Jul 14, 2018
512
63
Tonight is a home High School Football game at 7pm, and the biggest local tournament of the fall is tomorrow. DD plays at 8:15am and BFF plays at 9:30am. DD will be going to the game with us picking her up at 9:30pm so she can get home and get some sleep for the weekend...

The moral of this story is as follows. Make sure your DD's softball career isn't more important to you than it is to her.
Are you stalking me? We have the same schedule for the next 18 hours. Seriously though, you make a great point. It's important to let them be kids and not push too hard.

DD just got home from school, wants to go to football tonight, and will be pitching tomorrow morning. I asked her if she wanted to go throw for a half hour to be ready for tomorrow. She said no, so it's no.
 
Oct 21, 2016
189
28
Are you stalking me? We have the same schedule for the next 18 hours. Seriously though, you make a great point. It's important to let them be kids and not push too hard.

DD just got home from school, wants to go to football tonight, and will be pitching tomorrow morning. I asked her if she wanted to go throw for a half hour to be ready for tomorrow. She said no, so it's no.
I'm guessing a lot of girls/parents with tournaments tomorrow are facing this same situation tonight with high football season in full force. I do have limits though. There is a freshman lock in after the game tonight until midnight and I would have said no to that, but DD didn't ask as even she realizes that's just to much with 7:15 warm ups tomorrow morning and a 45min drive.
 

Latest posts

Forum statistics

Threads
36,930
Messages
559,078
Members
17,315
Latest member
Abeltran
Top