Parental Competitiveness???

[Hollyrockartist]

Hey...here is a question that I am asking to see if it's just my area or if this happens everywhere...

DD goes to a very small private school. This year, there are 17 girls on the softball team. DD has always played 1st for B team. Due to lack of players, thought she might would have a shot at A team 1st base. Another child on the team has been swapping in and out at 1st during practices - so be it. My take is that there would be a lot less pressure on B than on A, so I'm good with that.

There has been division among the parents. It started last year when we weren't on the top of the softball heap. There are a couple of us who cheer for every girl and put on smiles at every game. Now, two of us gripe constantly to one another, but never in front of the girls and certainly never to any of the other parents.

My question, after the long road to get there, is this - is there contention among parents when it comes to children and their field time? Would you, as a parent, threaten to remove your child from a high school team if she isn't played where and how often you think she should? Just so you know, I am not that parent...my dd has been the biggest cheerleader from the bench for the A team going on 3 seasons! Just a bit frustrated at how the other parents like to "gang up"...after all, are we not all doing this for the girls?? Jeez....

Sorry for my rant, but do hope that some of you have a tad bit of insight into this for me.

 

[amanda_cake]

I think that all parents want to see their children playing, but rarely do I see anyone complaining at my school. Not to the coach anyway. Our HS coach is very awful at rotating people in and out, as well as using the talent she has on the bench. She has 15 great girls, all who were amazing enough to make the team--then why is she only playing 9 on a regular basis?

We had one girl she pulled off the bench to hit when we were creaming a team. She was one of the girls that rarely got played. She gets up there and if the ball had been half an inch higher, she would have went yard over the fence.

That's what happens when you give the girls on the bench an opportunity to shine.

 

[livingontheroad]

Theres always some. There tends to be a larger disparity in abilities on school teams than travel teams.

Some believe that thier kid should play because she comes to practice. Some think their kid is as good as everyone else when she clearly is not, etc.

The team is out there to win and make post-season play, not to play everyone like a recreational league team would. Many HS coaches will go with what they think is their top 9, and everyone else sits. That often leads to a few grumbling parents.

 

[SoftSocDad]

Welcome to Everywhere, USA.

Although the details may be different, the theme remains the same.

 

[sluggers]

My question, after the long road to get there, is this - is there contention among parents when it comes to children and their field time?

This is America--we compete over cars, lawns, diamonds, clothes, vacations, shoes, and purses. So, do you really think it will be in different when it comes to playing time?

Would you, as a parent, threaten to remove your child from a high school team if she isn't played where and how often you think she should?

If my DD (darling daughter) signed up for the team, she would finish the season even if she sat on the bench every game. If she decides not to go out for that sport next year, it would be OK with me--there are only so many hours a day, and we all make choices about how we spend our time. But, once she 'signs on the dotted line', she is in for the season.

Just a bit frustrated at how the other parents like to "gang up"...after all, are we not all doing this for the girls??

Of course not. Many parents do it to feel good about themselves.

Here are some words of wisdom:

Competition, Winning, losing, success, and failure are part of life. If your DD is on a sports team, she experiences all of those things in a somewhat controlled situation. Look at sports as a way for you to help your DD learn about life. Share your failures and successes with her, and teach her how to deal with it.

Softball, in and of itself, is interesting, but, in the end, it is just a game played by kids. There is nothing else to it. However, the lessons learned from competing against her teammates for playing time and from competing against other teams are invaluable.

 

[Hollyrockartist]

I played soccer in school and kept the stats for the basketball teams. It was a way to keep me out of trouble (yeah, right) and I loved doing those things. When DD started playing several years ago, there were no options - we just told her that she had to pick a sport and that was the end of the discussion. We never realized how much she would love it, until now - years later. The first time I took her to high school practice three summers ago, she cried every day for a solid week after practice. I stood firm on her finishing out the season - if she didn't like it by the end, fine. Another couple of hard weeks of practicing after that and she adored it. She hasn't cried to quit since - has endured more bumps and bruises than I would care to have and certainly has fought to overcome the snippiness among some of the players. She chalks it up as "I'm not there to make friends - I'm there to learn and play ball".

I am not living vicariously through my DD. I had my time in the spotlight and guess what? I'm old and crusty and that part of my life is forever ingrained in pictures. This is HER time. I am just the parent who goes to every game to cheer her on and if she's on the bench, I cheer for those who are playing.

Someone told me something today that I will take with me forever...she was referencing a dear friend of our's who died several years ago. He was a slight man and didn't really look all that athletic. She said his Daddy came home one night from their high school football game and told his Momma that he had been hurt. She asked him what in the world happened. He told her "the bench broke" and they both laughed. I guess sometimes in life when all the tears have dried, laughing is what it takes to make it through...

 

[Bishop]

Unfortunately, our society has devolved to using everything in every aspect of life as a status symbol.

Job titles, certifications for everything under the sun for professional alphabet soup on your business cards, what car you drive, what street you live on, how many bedrooms the house has, how many car garage, the size of your boat. I'll quit now I'm starting to feel ill.

Successful kids are a status symbol too. How many honor roll bumper stickers do you see on a daily basis?

Softball related - My kid is the.....
starting (position)
freshman varsity
D1 prospect
D1 scolarship player
ad nauseum

It's every where, we all fall victim to it every once in a while. All you can do is try to avoid falling into the same groove and focus on what's important. Fun, skill development and watching your kids grow up doing something they love.

 

[SoCalDad]

Unfortunately, our society has devolved to using everything in every aspect of life as a status symbol.

Job titles, certifications for everything under the sun for professional alphabet soup on your business cards, what car you drive, what street you live on, how many bedrooms the house has, how many car garage, the size of your boat. I'll quit now I'm starting to feel ill.

Successful kids are a status symbol too. How many honor roll bumper stickers do you see on a daily basis?

Softball related - My kid is the.....
starting (position)
freshman varsity
D1 prospect
D1 scolarship player
ad nauseum

It's every where, we all fall victim to it every once in a while. All you can do is try to avoid falling into the same groove and focus on what's important. Fun, skill development and watching your kids grow up doing something they love.

Alright I will bite and brag: 1999 Ford Expedition 135,000. Live off an unnamed dirt road. Use the name of the local hwy for mail and tell people to turn left at the big oak tree. 4 bedroom house but 1.75 bath. Really should be 3 bedroom house since the last bedroom is really just a big storage room. 6 car garage. Ok really a barn but I put a roll up garage door on it, paved it and you can park six cars in it. 5 foot inflatable boat from Wal-Mart. I will brag that I have the power pump so it only takes 20 min to pump up.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

At my DD's HS, the thing to wear was your letterman's jacket. They were exactly the same as the football guys. Hers is covered with her awards and letters. Did she ever wear it to school? No. Wearing a coat wasn't cool, even in Flagstaff, AZ.

The thing was expensive and now, it just hangs in the closet.

But those jackets are big time brag, I think.

 

[livingontheroad]

Unfortunately, our society has devolved to using everything in every aspect of life as a status symbol.

Job titles, certifications for everything under the sun for professional alphabet soup on your business cards, what car you drive, what street you live on, how many bedrooms the house has, how many car garage, the size of your boat. I'll quit now I'm starting to feel ill.

Successful kids are a status symbol too. How many honor roll bumper stickers do you see on a daily basis?

Softball related - My kid is the.....
starting (position)
freshman varsity
D1 prospect
D1 scolarship player
ad nauseum

It's every where, we all fall victim to it every once in a while. All you can do is try to avoid falling into the same groove and focus on what's important. Fun, skill development and watching your kids grow up doing something they love.

99% of the population unfortunately has it wrong. Life is about experiences and people. Not what you own, not what house you live in, or what car you drive. The more of your time and money that is devoted to frivolous things, the less you will have for what really matters.