Parent has a problem with me as coach (long)

[Chris8]

If these girls are 14u or older it's time to ask them what kind of team they want to be....with their parents listening. It needs to be okay if they just want to hang out with their friends and play a little softball...there's a level of softball for every goal. If they say they have a bigger goal then ask them what they think it will take to get there. Really listen to them talk and take their goals into consideration. Girls at this age need a good sandwich of praise and push...they are a different animal than teen boys...most girls not all but most can't w angered into a better performance like boys can...you have to find what motivates them and respect it.

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We did an exercise where we came up with 3 words to describe their dream team/season, followed up with what that looked like, or how a dream team would behave to live up to their dream team. Example, one of the words they used to describe their team was COMMITTED. They then came up with sentences that describe what a COMMITTED team looks like. Examples: A COMMITTED team comes to practice. A COMMITTED team works outside of practice on their individual skills, A COMMITTED team works hard in practice and uses time wisely, A COMMITTED team will take care of school work so they can play softball etc etc.
we didn't have parents listen it, but we took our three words, dream season and our descriptive sentences and shared it with the parents. What was great was when behaviors didn't align with our dream season it was easy to say "that behavior doesn't align with our core values or our dream team expectation" Since they came up with the dream season it worked well....the "leaders" on the team used it to keep the team moving in the right direction but with out having to beat girls over the head.

I think this is even applicable to under 14 age group as well. The sooner the better....it helps girls develop a sense of what they want and what it takes to move towards that goal with the guidance of the adults in their life.

There are resources out there to shape a season if you put the work in ahead of time, middle of a season is tough.

to the OP, now that fall ball is done there is a natural opportunity to reboot for the winter-going into spring/summer next year.

And set CLEAR expectations initially with consitent application of the expectations and consequences.

 

[tim_s]

agreed with the last few, too......cultures need to be intentional, they don't happen by accident.....i am a huge fan of the proactive coaching folks, and all of my teams build covenants at the start of their season where they define what they want their team, the experience, their commitment level, etc to be like.......my job is to then help them build that and hold them accountable to their own wishes......it is a fantastic approach that has worked very well for us, if you don't know their work i'd suggest checking it out......i've been to a few seminars with both bruce brown and rob miller, i like them a lot......might be worth checking out and directing your HC to......it is NOT too late to help them build a covenant for this team (it is a way of basically letting them define what sort of experience and team they want, as someone else suggested) and then setting up a way to help them achieve that/hold them accountable to their own words........i can walk you through how a little bit if you want to PM after you check it out......

 

[tim_s]

We did an exercise where we came up with 3 words to describe their dream team/season, followed up with what that looked like, or how a dream team would behave to live up to their dream team. Example, one of the words they used to describe their team was COMMITTED. They then came up with sentences that describe what a COMMITTED team looks like. Examples: A COMMITTED team comes to practice. A COMMITTED team works outside of practice on their individual skills, A COMMITTED team works hard in practice and uses time wisely, A COMMITTED team will take care of school work so they can play softball etc etc.
we didn't have parents listen it, but we took our three words, dream season and our descriptive sentences and shared it with the parents. What was great was when behaviors didn't align with our dream season it was easy to say "that behavior doesn't align with our core values or our dream team expectation" Since they came up with the dream season it worked well....the "leaders" on the team used it to keep the team moving in the right direction but with out having to beat girls over the head.

I think this is even applicable to under 14 age group as well. The sooner the better....it helps girls develop a sense of what they want and what it takes to move towards that goal with the guidance of the adults in their life.

There are resources out there to shape a season if you put the work in ahead of time, middle of a season is tough.

to the OP, now that fall ball is done there is a natural opportunity to reboot for the winter-going into spring/summer next year.

And set CLEAR expectations initially with consitent application of the expectations and consequences.

this sort of thing is very much our of the proactive playbook........their covenants basically come up with what committed BEHAVIOR looks like at practice, in a game, at school, away from the field......and then allows coaches (and each other) to hold them accountable to these behaviors


these are a few of our old ones.......the formatting on one is goofed up, but you get the idea.....the kids themselves go through a process to create this using their own words......we have a 3 tiered accountability process to hold them to it........during a game or practice if someone slips a little from the desired behavior, we look them in the eye and give a little fist bump to our heart.......a non-verbal reminder to stick to our desired behaviors........tier 2 is verbal, it involves a look in the eye and calling their name and a "let's go!".....it MAY also include a verbal reminder....... "julie, let that play go......don't let your shoulders slump, let's go!" or just a "julie, let's go!" - whatever is needed......tier 3 involves a more serious or repeated transgression.......it involves a talk from a coach, a 24-hour wait period to comment/reply back, and possible other consequences.......it works really, really well, especially in that it is from THEIR words (versus rules dictated from top down) and it clearly lists the behaviors that go with those words......holding them accountable is easy, and they start to do it for each other in a very empowering way

i do a lot of feedback sessions.....first one in an email to both players and parents......2nd one written from coaches to players......3rd is coaches and players sharing feedback jointly, in a one on one verbal......then players give their own feedback on themselves to coaches, and finally from a teammate to a player and coaches......and all of those feedback sessions include how they are doing in terms of these desired behaviors as much or more as it does on softball skills


so your desire to improve the behaviors is the correct one.......i'd suggest a proactive approach versus a reactive one......it isn't hard, and the value is great.......even if you are into your season now, go for it.......it's never too late!



(apparently two of my covenants are in the wrong format......this isn't the best one, but you get the idea!)

 

[heman1202]

they showed up late, two girls were braiding another’s hair they didn’t want to warm up run, others didn’t want to wear helmets during BP and another pair wouldn’t stop talking to mom because they were upset over playing time. We got through a half a$$ed warmup and then they played like dookie.

Also, his DD asked when I was setting up ground ball stations if I was making things up.

This would not fly even on my rec team. This is complete disrespect to the coaches and the rest of the team who is presumably working hard. The HC needs to step up and be the HC. A good HC realizes that coaching young women is not all about softball, it is about life lessons. Allowing this type of behavior is unacceptable to me.

This may be a difference of opinion to several here but running as a form of "punishment" is not as terrible as some make it out to be. My form of running sprints is base running. HP-2B, HP-3B, HP-HP. The above behavior on my team would result in some extra base running that day.

Now running for making a mistake, not ok. But running/conditioning in general is never a bad thing if when implemented properly.

 

[Filterbing]

I agree, we do the same type of running. No bullsh$t poles for being late, etc.

What I told them was if they miss a ground ball at 2nd (for not trying) it's a sprint to first and get back inline not sprint till you drop like some here think. The point was to put emphasis on the play and some level of game pressure. It wasn't intended to punishment anyone for not being good enough and I didn't follow through with making anyone run and in fact apologized to the team for my misguided attempt. In a game you miss a ground ball, you will be sprinting anyway (should be) to either a bag or cut off.

I think I'm at the point now where i'll send them to the bench if they don't hustle for a ball. The ones that want to work will be upset and the lazy ones will enjoy the break.

 

[uncdrew]

Where did @sluggers say that?

The "horse manure" comment. Perhaps I read it wrong.

 

[Chris8]

agreed with the last few, too......cultures need to be intentional, they don't happen by accident.....i am a huge fan of the proactive coaching folks, and all of my teams build covenants at the start of their season where they define what they want their team, the experience, their commitment level, etc to be like.......my job is to then help them build that and hold them accountable to their own wishes......it is a fantastic approach that has worked very well for us, if you don't know their work i'd suggest checking it out......i've been to a few seminars with both bruce brown and rob miller, i like them a lot......might be worth checking out and directing your HC to......it is NOT too late to help them build a covenant for this team (it is a way of basically letting them define what sort of experience and team they want, as someone else suggested) and then setting up a way to help them achieve that/hold them accountable to their own words........i can walk you through how a little bit if you want to PM after you check it out......

@Filterbing THIS^^^ similar to what we do as well. Bruce Brown has 11 pamphlett "books" I suggest getting them. Worth the $. Also happy to share some of our stuff w/you.

But there's one underlying issue. You're talking about HC things, leadership things. You have to have the HC buy in, support, backing if you take the lead on this task. It really is a culture change that occurs. You also have to be prepared that some will not adapt to the change or players/parents chose to go somewhere else. You have to be OK with that.

This is a great opportunity to raise the level of your coaching and the level of positive impact you'll have on a team and a young ladies life.

 

[cutt7155]

Absolutely agree on earlier post. Cut bait or chop off snakes head.
Drama begets drama most of the time...nothing sounds constructive with this meathead.

 

[Johnreilly]

The Man in Blue,
I agree completely and yes this team is working like a rec team playing travel. I have asked the coaches to have that meeting with me and that we should be on the same page for expectations. In fact HC and I talked that night before practice about getting on the girls and he was mostly silent the whole practice.

Travel/ Rec - It takes less then 2 years to turn a little league/ rec team into a competitive travel squad. Trying to place hotshot players (they just started earlier) with toxic parents on a team is a recipe for disaster. And it's happening all across the country.

Just be a real coach and build your own squad, girls from the local high school, with parents you know and trust.

That is the real recipe for successful 14, 12, and 10U teams.

 

[Filterbing]

Thanks for all the feedback here everyone. Wanted to pass on the latest info. Last week, this dad's daughter made a slam video directed at the coach talking to her about her swing (my role on the team) where she says it was fine the way it was and throws up middle fingers to the camera. She shared it on tik tok and the majority of the team saw it. HC wants to have an intervention like discussion with her and her parents. I'm about to leave the team if they stay.