Parent has a problem with me as coach (long)

[bmakj]

The Man in Blue,
I agree completely and yes this team is working like a rec team playing travel. I have asked the coaches to have that meeting with me and that we should be on the same page for expectations. In fact HC and I talked that night before practice about getting on the girls and he was mostly silent the whole practice.

he may want one of the ACs to play bad cop, which is OK, as long as it is spelled out, and he backs up the bad cop if there are complaints/grumbling

 

[Strike2]

Head Coach should be a 'benevolent dictator' - it is really the only way to run a travel team. Which does not sound like what your HC is.

The real issue here is that he is making you and your other AC play the head coaching role - but without any real power to enforce anything because you are not the person with the final say. AC are meant to be supporters of the HC decisions (even if they are not 100% in agreement) and providers of feedback and input for the HC to make the decisions.

So you can't deal directly with the parent because that is not really part of your role. That is your HC's role. So you are going to need his support - and it will be VERY interesting to see what he does. These sorts of HC generally don't do well long term. - these parents will eat him alive eventually.

I've been an HC and AC working with both HC types (everybody's friend and the dictator), and I prefer the "benevolent dictator". As an AC, it is easier to mitigate the effects of the "dictator" HC's occasional overstep than to compensate for someone who allows the inmates to run the asylum. As an AC, you have no more authority than the HC gives you, and trying to be the disciplinarian without direct and public HC backing is going to be a problem.

 

[sluggers]

It sounds to me like poor coaching coupled with a bad parent is creating a horrible experience for the girls.

I made them repeat sprints to the right intensity during warm ups for the day. And once we started actual practice, I told them (while practicing the double play as a team) that if they missed a ball they should have had, they owe a sprint between bases. I also sat on a bucket at 1st and told them they would run if I had to get up from the bucket when they threw to me.

Running for punishment is poor coaching.

Here are a few of the literally hundreds of articles explaining why running is not suitable as punishment:

https://coachad.com/articles/running-for-punishment-why-coaches-should-give-it-up/
https://www.nays.org/resources/more/position-statements/using-running-as-punishment/
https://www.athleticbusiness.com/athlete-safety/blog-running-as-punishment-does-nobody-any-good.html

She missed right away and HC gave her more chances and she progressively got worse and eventually refused to move and was crying and shaking

This is terrible. A kid shouldn't cry at practice for fear of failure. Are you trying to make the team perform through fear?

I told them it was lack of effort I was looking out for, and I didn’t want them to fear failing but to fear not trying.

Unbelievable. Total horse manure.

 

[Filterbing]

It sounds to me like poor coaching coupled with a bad parent is creating a horrible experience for the girls.



Running for punishment is poor coaching.

Here are a few of the literally hundreds of articles explaining why running is not suitable as punishment:

https://coachad.com/articles/running-for-punishment-why-coaches-should-give-it-up/
https://www.nays.org/resources/more/position-statements/using-running-as-punishment/
https://www.athleticbusiness.com/athlete-safety/blog-running-as-punishment-does-nobody-any-good.html




This is terrible. A kid shouldn't cry at practice for fear of failure. Are you trying to make the team perform through fear?



Unbelievable. Total horse manure.

Like I said it wan't intended to be punishment but came off that way and i won't be doing it again.

 

[uncdrew]

I get on the girls for lack of effort. That a no no?

 

[_MIA_]

I get on the girls for lack of effort. That a no no?

Where did @sluggers say that?

 

[tim_s]

I like the benevolent dictator phrase......HC has to be alpha, there has to be no doubt who's in charge, and they also have to own their mistakes.....

i try to empower my AC's......I include them on decisions, getting their input on every major decision, on lineups, everything - even if my mind is made up or I am 99% sure, I get their input.....I may ask them to run something at practice or teach something, but there is never any doubt who is in control or who's running things.....and my AC's know their roles (we assign roles during the game, who is covering IF/OF/pitch calling....who is calling out what the batter did last, who is talking to batters, etc.....they know what I expect of them and what I need them to do.......THEY also know what when their is an issue with a player or parent, again, I might get their input, but that I will step up and deal with the situation

sounds like there is a lot of ambiguity here.......sounds like no ones roles at games or practices are assigned, or have even been discussed.......I have no problem with an AC stepping up and calling out behavior at a game or practice, but I expect them to be on the same page philosophically with me (hell, I've ASKED one to bark and call the girls out at a practice just for better impact).......as a HC if this has been ongoing and building, how is he not aware it is going on already? I always have an ear to the ground and know most of what is going on without someone having to come to me

agreed the parent is A problem, but doesn't sound like a very good culture has been built by the HC, and what you're seeing here is just the seeds he has sown

 

[Filterbing]

I like the benevolent dictator phrase......HC has to be alpha, there has to be no doubt who's in charge, and they also have to own their mistakes.....

i try to empower my AC's......I include them on decisions, getting their input on every major decision, on lineups, everything - even if my mind is made up or I am 99% sure, I get their input.....I may ask them to run something at practice or teach something, but there is never any doubt who is in control or who's running things.....and my AC's know their roles (we assign roles during the game, who is covering IF/OF/pitch calling....who is calling out what the batter did last, who is talking to batters, etc.....they know what I expect of them and what I need them to do.......THEY also know what when their is an issue with a player or parent, again, I might get their input, but that I will step up and deal with the situation

sounds like there is a lot of ambiguity here.......sounds like no ones roles at games or practices are assigned, or have even been discussed.......I have no problem with an AC stepping up and calling out behavior at a game or practice, but I expect them to be on the same page philosophically with me (hell, I've ASKED one to bark and call the girls out at a practice just for better impact).......as a HC if this has been ongoing and building, how is he not aware it is going on already? I always have an ear to the ground and know most of what is going on without someone having to come to me

agreed the parent is A problem, but doesn't sound like a very good culture has been built by the HC, and what you're seeing here is just the seeds he has sown

thanks, I agree with this completely. The players back talk, don't execute half the things in practice with conviction or hustle, don't listen while others get instruction. Its a mess. I tried to instill some discipline and motivation to work hard but it was misguided and I admit that. At the same time I never wanted to be in that position in the first place. in the future I will find a new way.

 

[CoachKevin]

I've been an AC for our HC for many years... My whole philosophy is two fold; one, I give my input on things but support the HC with the final decision (I may go to the old, "I told you so" every once in a while.. haha). And two, I tell everyone I am just there to lift heavy things for the HC...

I can see where if you don't have a strong HC, that could create problems... like you said, back talking, not paying attention to the HC while he is talking are things that the HC must address.

 

[ang2bmd]

If these girls are 14u or older it's time to ask them what kind of team they want to be....with their parents listening. It needs to be okay if they just want to hang out with their friends and play a little softball...there's a level of softball for every goal. If they say they have a bigger goal then ask them what they think it will take to get there. Really listen to them talk and take their goals into consideration. Girls at this age need a good sandwich of praise and push...they are a different animal than teen boys...most girls not all but most can't w angered into a better performance like boys can...you have to find what motivates them and respect it.

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