Parent has a problem with me as coach (long)

Welcome to Discuss Fastpitch

Your FREE Account is waiting to the Best Softball Community on the Web.

Oct 4, 2018
4,611
113
Yikes. I think there's probably plenty of fault to go around.

The jerk dad and jerk daughter sound horrible. She must be a really good player to be allowed to stay.

The HC doesn't seem to know what he wants (other than "can't we all just get along"). The AC seems to not have your back.


Perhaps coaching isn't for you. I learned it wasn't for me. I loved it, but really disliked the parent aspect. They'll take any chance, any reason, any opportunity to put any and all blame on the one coach they like the least. And in many cases, that was me. I'm a bit gruff, expect the girls to not goof off, and was the one getting them to pay attention. I was also the one who told them why their daughter batted 10th, and gave them constructive criticism, exercises/drills to work on, etc.

So when the girl struck out for the 8th time that tournament, it was obviously my fault. When a girl ran through my sign and got thrown out, it was my fault. When their daughter didn't get to play SS every inning, that was my fault. And they talked behind my back, tried to sour others against me, etc. etc.

I simply felt life was too short for that shirt, so I don't coach. I miss parts of it, but overall I'm happier. And because I was a coach and the new coaches know that, they come to me with ideas and ask me questions. I'm the first they ask when they need more help with drill stations or BP. So I still feel a bit more plugged in than just a parent.

So perhaps coaching just isn't right for you and this team. Maybe it will be another day. In my case, the HC and other AC had my back 100%, they kicked a few families off the team, and they too took some crap. Your case sounds far worse than mine and I gave up coaching. Consider it -- at least where this team is concerned.
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
And they talked behind my back, tried to sour others against me, etc. etc.
This stuff I don't understand. How is that going to solve whatever problem the parent is having? If you think something a coach is doing is holding back your DD, go talk to him/her about it. Complaining about it to another parent would be akin to a student complaining to another student that my teaching of the material in a course they both take sucks...Which I am sure happens btw (shocker..I know), but at least they get to bitch about me to me (anonymously) in the end of the year teaching evaluations. Actually, now that I think about it, doing something like that for a TB coaching staff may not be a bad idea (aside for the fact that most coaches are volunteers..we will ignore that for a moment) ..Coach Jim is a nice guy but appears to once in a while post to some softball discussion group when he is supposed to be coaching 3rd base, etc., etc.

Edit: On second thought that probably is really bad idea..forget I even said it :LOL:
 
Last edited:
Jun 12, 2015
3,848
83
Perhaps coaching isn't for you. I learned it wasn't for me. I loved it, but really disliked the parent aspect. They'll take any chance, any reason, any opportunity to put any and all blame on the one coach they like the least. And in many cases, that was me. I'm a bit gruff, expect the girls to not goof off, and was the one getting them to pay attention. I was also the one who told them why their daughter batted 10th, and gave them constructive criticism, exercises/drills to work on, etc.

So when the girl struck out for the 8th time that tournament, it was obviously my fault. When a girl ran through my sign and got thrown out, it was my fault. When their daughter didn't get to play SS every inning, that was my fault. And they talked behind my back, tried to sour others against me, etc. etc.

I simply felt life was too short for that shirt, so I don't coach. I miss parts of it, but overall I'm happier.

This sounds so much like my DH. He loved parts of it, the parts that involved the kids and the game. The rest was a bunch of crap. His first year head coaching the parents were actually pretty good. We didn't have many issues. But mostly everyone was ok. Last year was a nightmare and by the end he was done. I think he may get back into it at some point, though not with our kid. I think she's doing better without dad as a coach. 13 is not an easy age for that.
 
May 29, 2015
3,731
113
This sounds so much like my DH. He loved parts of it, the parts that involved the kids and the game. The rest was a bunch of crap. His first year head coaching the parents were actually pretty good. We didn't have many issues. But mostly everyone was ok. Last year was a nightmare and by the end he was done. I think he may get back into it at some point, though not with our kid. I think she's doing better without dad as a coach. 13 is not an easy age for that.

Sounds like he should become an umpire ... 🤗
 
Feb 27, 2019
137
28
Yikes. I think there's probably plenty of fault to go around.

The jerk dad and jerk daughter sound horrible. She must be a really good player to be allowed to stay.

The HC doesn't seem to know what he wants (other than "can't we all just get along"). The AC seems to not have your back.

Perhaps coaching isn't for you. I learned it wasn't for me. I loved it, but really disliked the parent aspect. They'll take any chance, any reason, any opportunity to put any and all blame on the one coach they like the least. And in many cases, that was me. I'm a bit gruff, expect the girls to not goof off, and was the one getting them to pay attention. I was also the one who told them why their daughter batted 10th, and gave them constructive criticism, exercises/drills to work on, etc.

So when the girl struck out for the 8th time that tournament, it was obviously my fault. When a girl ran through my sign and got thrown out, it was my fault. When their daughter didn't get to play SS every inning, that was my fault. And they talked behind my back, tried to sour others against me, etc. etc.

I simply felt life was too short for that shirt, so I don't coach. I miss parts of it, but overall I'm happier. And because I was a coach and the new coaches know that, they come to me with ideas and ask me questions. I'm the first they ask when they need more help with drill stations or BP. So I still feel a bit more plugged in than just a parent.

So perhaps coaching just isn't right for you and this team. Maybe it will be another day. In my case, the HC and other AC had my back 100%, they kicked a few families off the team, and they too took some crap. Your case sounds far worse than mine and I gave up coaching. Consider it -- at least where this team is concerned.


A lot of this is spot on and I am considering just what you said, and no she is not a star player in fact she has sat more than anyone on the team due to performance. HC really has a hard time being the bad guy (I'm speculating), and I think AC is potentially playing both sides or easily swayed.

I talked to my daughter and she thinks I wasn't mean at all, also she doesn't want to stay if this kid stays.

My plan is to inform HC that this will be her last chance or we are gone.
 
Oct 4, 2018
4,611
113
Good luck. Often the best thing is to put it all in the rear view mirror. With the thought that your DD will be on many sports teams in her life, it might be best for the next one to be soon.
 
Nov 22, 2019
194
43
Minnesota, USA
A lot of this is spot on and I am considering just what you said, and no she is not a star player in fact she has sat more than anyone on the team due to performance. HC really has a hard time being the bad guy (I'm speculating), and I think AC is potentially playing both sides or easily swayed.

I talked to my daughter and she thinks I wasn't mean at all, also she doesn't want to stay if this kid stays.

My plan is to inform HC that this will be her last chance or we are gone.

In my opinion, its time to move on. If I am reading all of your posts correctly there have already been several "last chances" and I don't see how another one will motivate anyone to change for the good or bad. It doesn't seem like a good situation for your daughter to be involved in as I am assuming if she doesn't already feel stuck in the middle then she will eventually.
 

Latest posts

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
42,830
Messages
679,468
Members
21,443
Latest member
sstop28
Top