Parent has a problem with me as coach (long)

[hummingbird]

Maybe you should spend less time wondering how to handle the parent and more time figuring out what you can do better as a coach. If you do a good job, then the parent will have less to complain about.

What makes you think he isn't doing a good job?
Also, a "good job" is subjective isn't it? What one parent might view as a good job may be viewed as a bad job by another parent. Especially parents of TB players who seem to lose grip on reality after they sign the contract and cut the check.

Softball or any organized sport is really great way to learn life's lessons. One of which is, you are never, ever going to please everyone, no matter how "good" of a job you do.

 

[The Man In Blue]

Thanks for all the feedback here everyone. Wanted to pass on the latest info. Last week, this dad's daughter made a slam video directed at the coach talking to her about her swing (my role on the team) where she says it was fine the way it was and throws up middle fingers to the camera. She shared it on tik tok and the majority of the team saw it. HC wants to have an intervention like discussion with her and her parents. I'm about to leave the team if they stay.

There should be no discussion beyond explaining to the parent why the daughter is being dismissed from the team. Behavior like this has caused teams to be banned and/or disqualified from tournaments all the way up to the Little League World Series (2017).

If it were me and that does not happen, my daughter and I would be watching the team implode from the opposite dugout.

There was no standard warm up (throwing or running/ dynamic stretching) until I created one for the team. There are also no clear duties at all. HC has used veto power to change the line up that's about it. we discuss 5 mins prior to practice what we'd like to do and we do it. Also, this last weekend after we talked to the problem dad's DD for making a video. We decided to sit her for Saturday for all but half a game (2 errors in that half). we talked after the games and decided she would sit out fur Sunday and we'd sleep on the lineup and double check it on Sunday morning. There was no discussion and HC put her in at RF ( had three errors BTW).

Wrong answer. Waffling on this and doling out a little punishment is the wrong answer. If she was going to remain on the team (personally I disagree with that) the punishment should have been hard and absolute.

Get off this team as fast as you can.

 

[Lance Steckler]

discipline should have been easy. Hard, firm and unfailing. Myself? The minute I saw that video, Out the door. PERIOD. If the HC wouldn't boot her, then take DD and leave.

 

[_MIA_]

After the snap-face-tic-book-tok thingy it has to be either she is gone or you are gone.

 

[grcsftbll]

Maybe you should spend less time wondering how to handle the parent and more time figuring out what you can do better as a coach. If you do a good job, then the parent will have less to complain about. I'm curious how you think running will make the girls catch and throw the ball better? Instead of worrying about the parent, why not figure out why girls are more interested in braiding hair than warming up? Why couldn't you tell the players to pick up the ball out of the pitcher's hand? Why are you doing drills that end up with players in tears? These are your problems, not theirs. The game is supposed to be fun. Come up with positive incentives for players in practice, not punishment for physical mistakes. Why were you "getting on the team hard" after a bad tournament? It's their game, not yours. Your job is to help them improve through proper instruction, repetition, and encouragement, not to yell at them when they don't live up to your expectations. I always give a speech to parents at the first practice. Two of the first things I say are, "sports are for the kids and are supposed to be fun. Don't ruin their fun." and "When there is a problem, I want to know about it so I can fix it. I don't care how big or small, and I am especially interested when the problem is about me. It's my job to do my best to fix those problems. I can't fix everything, but I can give it my best shot." Adults' egos should not be a part of the equation. Make the parents your allies, not your adversaries. They are part of the team also. When there are "problem" parents like you describe, speak to them and discuss their issues. If you agree with them, then change what you are doing. If you disagree, be sure to explain why you do things differently than what they would like. They might still disagree, but at least they will know that there is a good reason for what you are doing. Feel free to take my advice or leave it, but it's been working for me for 40 years.

I like this, for general purposes. The parents are invested in the team, financially and emotionally. Looking at them as the enemy isn't helpful. I think for 95% of parents this approach can work. When you get one in the 5% though...you just have to get rid of them. This parent/child combo sounds like a hot mess and they need to get gone, IMO. Whatever the coach did that may not have been ideal, posting a video like that is not okay at all. If she's in the recruiting process, that one video could ruin her chances of playing in college. She needs to learn these lessons to be a decent human being and her parents clearly aren't going to teach her.

 

[Filterbing]

So further update, HC organized a hash it out session after practice with jerk dad and me with them in the room to ensure no escalation. 20 mins before, HC and other AC have the "this is your last chance" speech with kid and dad, followed up with kid leaving the room and me coming in. Where he (jerk dad) commenced to yell at me that i "ruined" his daughter's confidence, and ruined her swing. berated me, cursed me. (I threw some right back) and told me that I "lost" half or more of the team because I got on them for the poor warm up mentioned before. In the middle of this, the other assistant coach pulls out his phone to show me a text where he asked his daughter what she thought of me. It wasn't positive. not sure what his intentions are (says it was to show me other girls don't like how i talk or something, not just jerk dad's daughter). Now to me this isn't feeling like a "hash it out" session anymore but more of an intervention. The two coaches didn't say much else for the rest of the 30 mins or so. Result was a lot of yelling and him staying as long as I don't teach her to bat. My desire for them to leave wasn't considered. I'm really not happy at all with this and I'm heavily considering walking.

Today I told AC I didn't like the intervention act of bringing his daughter's opinion into things and informed him that girls have told me they don't like his approach either, but unlike this dad I wouldn't try to run him out of town for it.

 

[Orange Socks]

This is not very healthy for you or anyone involved. This intervention would be my queue to walk. You obviously have different goals and means of achieving those goals than do the other coaches. The pin in the grenade has been pulled...RUN!!!!

 

[_MIA_]

Sounds to me like you probably need to
a) leave
b) do some self-reflection on how you can improve as a coach

 

[Gags]

Either the HC has some history with the dad outside of softball (which at this point, I'm expecting it to be either "jerk dad saved my life in Iraq" or "jerk dad has some photographs..."), OR the dad owns a pole barn.

Because I'm just not seeing how a meeting over how a softball team is run - sorry - how a YOUTH softball team is run - quickly escalates to shouting and obscenities being hurled from both sides. Or how a youth can post a video to the world flipping someone off and STILL get a "last chance".

On a positive note - I'm absolutely amazed that this meeting went a full 30 minutes, and no punches were thrown.

 

[djcarter1966]

Just a tough situation all around...so what is your DD take on all this....I know she will back you but have you asked if maybe she felt you were too hard on the girls also how is her performance and how is the team actually doing as a unit in game/scrimmages??