Parent has a problem with me as coach (long)

[Filterbing]

I have been having an issue with a parent. So back story. Two years ago, he was the AC on my DD first spring LL team. He admittedly stated he didn’t know what he was doing but HC was a 2 daughter travel ball dad/coach that I trusted. That was the only time I didn’t assist or coach during the last 5 years. Since then I have further expanded my knowledge through places like here, reading and youtube research and have attended college camps and coaches camps coached spring and Allstars. We have now both landed on the same 14U team and I accepted an assistant spot. Since then he has questioned only my methods, outfield depths in game, and my decisions when base coach. It’s starting to become a problem and it’s only aimed at me. It was minimal until I got on the team hard at one practice after they laid an egg in a tournament. they showed up late, two girls were braiding another’s hair they didn’t want to warm up run, others didn’t want to wear helmets during BP and another pair wouldn’t stop talking to mom because they were upset over playing time. We got through a half a$$ed warmup and then they played like dookie.

I made them repeat sprints to the right intensity during warm ups for the day. And once we started actual practice, I told them (while practicing the double play as a team) that if they missed a ball they should have had, they owe a sprint between bases. I also sat on a bucket at 1st and told them they would run if I had to get up from the bucket when they threw to me.

Problem dad’s DD was first up (she is not a good infielder and only wants to play outfield). She missed right away and HC gave her more chances and she progressively got worse and eventually refused to move and was crying and shaking. I didn’t make anyone run that night. The next practice I apologized to her and the team for the impression that I would punish them for their abilities. I told them it was lack of effort I was looking out for, and I didn’t want them to fear failing but to fear not trying.

Now it seems (can’t prove it yet) that he is telling players not to listen to my direction. After I spent 20 mins with a player that can’t make contact I think I heard him say not to change anything because it’s too late in the season for that (couldn’t confirm the context of their discussion). Also, his DD asked when I was setting up ground ball stations if I was making things up.

Last game the girls struggled to hit and a mom was telling them to pick up the ball from the pitchers hand. I had my camera recording the game and caught her asking problem dad if they (the girls) knew that. He replied “Im not a coach, the coach in the dugout should be telling them that be he doesn’t”. I’m the dugout coach, the two base coaches are nonstop coaching the girls through at bats. This guy is on my last nerve. Anyone experience anything like this? How did you handle it?

 

[bmakj]

just to be clear, you are AC? if so, I think HC needs to step in honestly

a-make certain you are all on same page regarding the need for focus/intensity from the girls, and how to handle when they are not meeting expectation. maybe ask him to designate one AC (or himself) to be addressing that topic, but always after consulting with HC.

b-is this other dad an AC on the team, or just a dad? how many ACs are there?

but basically I would have serious talk with HC, to make certain you and he are on same page, and if not you need to get on HC's page. you can still always offer advice/ideas, but do it out of earshot of others, especially girls. Once you and HC are mostly on same page, then HC needs to have a talk with parents, as a group, and maybe individually.

 

[uncdrew]

Yup, get with the HC.

The HC is either more on the control-freak side or more on the delegate side. Learn which. The control-freak side might be easier to deal with, as you then defer things to them, follow their lead, etc.

If this other dad is just a dad, HC needs to talk to him. I'm a firm believer you're either a coach or you're not. And if you're not, you are not instructing the girls when they're at games and practice.

 

[uncdrew]

For the record, I had a complete jerk dad who disliked me. It was because I pointed out the issues his DD needed to work on and didn't put up with her diva antics and rude behavior. They tried to sour the other parents against me.

I stuck close to HC, continued to do my thing as well as I could (for all girls), and continued to give feedback to parents as I saw fit. It took a while, but eventually all coaches and parents realized they were a problem family and booted them from the team.

 

[Filterbing]

Yeah Im the AC here and problem dad is not on the staff but helps when we are short handed. HC is not a control kinda guy and normally is a "I'm your friend" coach. I wanted him to set the tone but he kinda follows what us two ACs do. Funny thing is, at this practice he didn't get on them much but when we were wrapping up with closing comments, two girls were talking we he was and he went ballistic and had them drop there bags and sprint again.

 

[NBECoach]

Sounds like you should meet with the HC and explain the situation as you see it if he hasn't already become aware of it. Show him how this is effecting the teams preparation and performance. Coaching/derogatory remarks from the bleachers are not to be tolerated and the HC as the leader of the team is the conduit to the parents to relay this.

The HC chose you as an AC for a reason, so if this parent has a problem with you as a coach then let him voice his disapproval to the HC and have his concerns addressed or shut up.

 

[marriard]

Yeah Im the AC here and problem dad is not on the staff but helps when we are short handed. HC is not a control kinda guy and normally is a "I'm your friend" coach. I wanted him to set the tone but he kinda follows what us two ACs do. Funny thing is, at this practice he didn't get on them much but when we were wrapping up with closing comments, two girls were talking we he was and he went ballistic and had them drop there bags and sprint again.

Head Coach should be a 'benevolent dictator' - it is really the only way to run a travel team. Which does not sound like what your HC is.

The real issue here is that he is making you and your other AC play the head coaching role - but without any real power to enforce anything because you are not the person with the final say. AC are meant to be supporters of the HC decisions (even if they are not 100% in agreement) and providers of feedback and input for the HC to make the decisions.

So you can't deal directly with the parent because that is not really part of your role. That is your HC's role. So you are going to need his support - and it will be VERY interesting to see what he does. These sorts of HC generally don't do well long term. - these parents will eat him alive eventually.

 

[grcsftbll]

If the HC doesn't cut this guy, he will almost certainly regret it.

 

[The Man In Blue]

I‘ve said it before and I’ll say it again: CLEARLY COMMUNICATED EXPECTATIONS followed by CONSISTENT CONSEQUENCES. For the players. For the parents. For the coaches.

Maybe that one time you describe was a fluke, but from the sounds of the team’s behavior you have a rec team while you have travel ball expectations. A head coach who is “there”, a coaching staff that is random (in behavior and attendance), players more interested in hanging out, and parents who ... ok, the parents don’t change much at either level.

Starting with the coaching staff, you need to have some serious talks/meetings to establish why you are there and how you are going to function. Then have that same conversation with the players ... one more time with the parents ... and then one more time with everybody present to make sure the message is clear.

This dad is A problem. He is not THE problem.

 

[Filterbing]

The Man in Blue,
I agree completely and yes this team is working like a rec team playing travel. I have asked the coaches to have that meeting with me and that we should be on the same page for expectations. In fact HC and I talked that night before practice about getting on the girls and he was mostly silent the whole practice.