Parent drama.....

[Ksphenom]

In what instances have you asked a parent/kid to leave your team due to drama?

Is the drama real or made up. Drama breeds drama in certain instances.

If you have 3 dad's who don't know the game and keep putting the team in jeopardy over and over?

People coaching don't know how many outs. Can't read softball situations or have little or zero ingame IQ at all. Don't challenge calls that impact the game ever.

Can't manage the clock at all.

Let lesser teams consistently beat them do to coaching errors or decisions over and over.

Coaches won't correct kid(s) behavior that is detrimental to the team.

Openly blame losses on the kids when coaches should clearly should take some responsibility.

Some organizations or coaches need to be called out for a crappy job. Period. Some may call these people drama creators but some of these people may be correct in everything they are saying.


So the above may be a reason to send parents and kid packing....
good luck.




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[grcsftbll]

We had a set this year that was actively undermining everything, all the time. Stirring up drama, trying (with varying degrees of success) to bring other parents into it, etc. Sweet kid, though, seemed to be thriving on the team, so he didn't cut her (softy). Big mistake, he should've. Pretty much destroyed our team. Live & learn.

 

[HasBeenorNeverWas]

We had a set this year that was actively undermining everything, all the time. Stirring up drama, trying (with varying degrees of success) to bring other parents into it, etc. Sweet kid, though, seemed to be thriving on the team, so he didn't cut her (softy). Big mistake, he should've. Pretty much destroyed our team. Live & learn.

That's exactly what I am afraid of happening.

 

[The Man In Blue]

We had a set this year that was actively undermining everything, all the time. Stirring up drama, trying (with varying degrees of success) to bring other parents into it, etc. Sweet kid, though, seemed to be thriving on the team, so he didn't cut her (softy). Big mistake, he should've. Pretty much destroyed our team. Live & learn.

... and that is the extremely tough part. You may have a kid who is a great kid ... maybe a great player, maybe not ... but a good fit for the personality of the team and plays a role. However, the parent is toxic. Now you either have to have a serious adult conversation with the parent, or punish the kid.

In your case though, the parent has already made her intent clear. There is NO reason for you to have a chat with the parent that would allow this player to stay.

People who think college coaches don’t look at things like this are sadly mistaken. I have known college coaches (volleyball and softball) who have passed on recruiting damn good players because they went to a game/tournament and saw how the parent was behaving. Those coaches are not shy about saying that either.

 

[texasheat]

No. No. No. Did I mention “NO”? That behavior stops now.

If you have reached the end of the season they have paid for, cut the cord YESTERDAY. The parent has already made the decision to leave, but is trying to keep you as a back-up plan. In the mean time, the parent has already poisoned the well with other players. Just because your mistress kicks you out doesn’t mean you get to go back home to your wife.

My advice is to schedule a team meeting with all the other parents. Just before, call this parent and advise her the team is moving on without her daughter. Wish them well and ask her politely not to be interfering with the rest of the team. You can’t stop that, but you can express your disappointment in that behavior.

Then have your team meeting with the rest of the parents and explain the situation. Do not give that parent time to contact the other parents first. Find out if there are any lingering issues you need to work on. But be firm that you are not going to tolerate the behavior this parent exhibited. Be understanding and supportive if your team is not the right fit for a player and that player wants to move on, but let them know what you expect for your team.

That’s what I would do.

Why do all that if you have reached the end of the season. Just have tryouts and afterwards tell them the girl didn’t make the team. Much easier and less blood on your hands.

 

[_MIA_]

Big mistake, he should've. Pretty much destroyed our team. Live & learn.

In what sense? Were the kids whose parents were starting trouble not trying to get hits, pitch well, field well, etc? The whole team togetherness thing is way overrated in softball/baseball. Winning individual battles (which, if you think about it, in softball is what goes on 9 out of 10 times..individual battles) on the field breeds "team togetherness"...

 

[grcsftbll]

In what sense? Were the kids whose parents were starting trouble not trying to get hits, pitch well, field well, etc? The whole team togetherness thing is way overrated in softball/baseball. Winning individual battles (which, if you think about it, in softball is what goes on 9 out of 10 times..individual battles) on the field breeds "team togetherness"...

I'm not going to get into details but it was not about "team togetherness."

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[Cyder517]

In what instances have you asked a parent/kid to leave your team due to drama?

From the situation you’ve described, I believe you are more than justified in letting this family go. Did you give them a formal offer for next season? They are essentially letting you know that they are on the lookout for a better team and are just biding the time away.


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[HasBeenorNeverWas]

From the situation you’ve described, I believe you are more than justified in letting this family go. Did you give them a formal offer for next season? They are essentially letting you know that they are on the lookout for a better team and are just biding the time away.


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I was trying to avoid reliving it all lol, but I guess more info is needed to help everyone form an opinion.

So, we are kind of a different type of team. This is just a rec ball team I coached for 3 years (my kid is also on the team) and we wanted to do a little more for our kids than what our rec league offered. We have access to a local tournament group for rec/c level teams that we play in now. We do not hold tryouts, rather I try and give opportunities to the girls in town who want to try and get better. I am a volunteer. We do not hold tryouts. The girls enjoy playing with their friends and classmates.

I had recently asked all parents if they planned to continue with our team and she said they were trying out for a different team, which, for the record I have no problems with (this is not the first issue I've had with this parent, she also sent me rude and condescending messages at the start of the season then continued to complain to other parents all season, and also, doesn't work with her kid, then blames me because she isn't getting better).

We do not have a ton of extra girls in our area who are interested in playing and I needed to know if we would have enough kids to continue into another year. So, she said they were trying out for another team and would only play with me if she didn't make that team or if they didn't get enough girls to have a team. I said that was fine, I just couldn't guarantee her a spot when I had a few girls who were ready to come play with us. She then messeged multiple parents saying the other teams coaching and practices were much better and her daughter has been practicing with them and has learned so much (for the record, I am a new coach, but she has never stayed for a practice so I'm not even sure how she knows what we do.....) then posted on Facebook about the other teams tryouts and how excited she was that her kid was going to have the opportunity to play for this coach and how great of a player he made her sister. And all this is fine except then she deleted the post and text me and said her daughter would play for us for me in the fall.....that evening I told her that I'm not sure why she wants to continue with me when she has this other opportunity (fyi it is because 3 of the kids she was hoping would tryout joined my team and I think she realizes they won't have enough players) and that based on her opinion of myself and our team we should probably just go our separate ways. She sent a nice response back to me, which surprised me. Then she immeditely sent a messege to a parent accusing her of telling me what she was saying and told her she didn't apprecite her starting drama and now I've kicked her kid off the team when she was fine with playing for me the whole time.......mom basically said you better back off. Then when I woke up the following morning I had a messege from her saying how she never had a problem with me and I am extremely immature to hurt her kid because I didn't like her......when I did not respond back the next day she posted on Facebook about how someone hurt her kid only because they didn't like her and that person needed to act like and adult (fyi that person was me).....when one of my parents responded with basically "this is your fault our team doesn't want that drama and won't let you pull us down" she deleted the messege and blocked me and that other parent.......

I have given these kids the opportunity to play at a level they wouldn't have been able to (at 9, I'm not sure more than 1 or 2 of my kids would have been selected to play on a team they tried out for. The majority could not catch or throw when we started) and I have dedicated a lot of my time to them. Every other parent I have appreciates that and is supportive and encouraging. The girls have fun and are getting better.....we probably won't win a game this year.......but they have learned quite a bit and we see improvement every game.

When I said I would coach this team, I told parent I have a 0% policy on drama. When it starts I'm out. If I didn't have 10 other parents on my team who were extremely kind and supportive i would have just said I'm done and taken my kid to play elsewhere. Both my other coaches said we needed to cut them. I guess I was just feeling bad for her kid. She is probably the worst player on my team but she is so sweet and funny. The mom just will never be happy because I'm not the coach she wants her kid playing for.

 

[FP26]

Unfortunatley this is not uncommon. Social media has created an environment under which some people believe they can do anything and say anything they want without consequences. Luckily I really didnt have to deal with much of this throughout our travel ball days. However, I could write a book about the parents on DD's high school softball team.

In my opinion you have two choices:
1) assuming you are close to the end of the season, do your best to finish it out without allowing the situation to escalate. Then when tryouts are complete simply inform this family that it's time to part ways.
2) if you believe this person will cause more damage and other parents are irritated by this, it may be necessary to cut them now. Not my preferred option but I realize it is necessary sometimes.

In either case you should assume that this person is going to bash you and the team every chance they get. Social media will light up like a Christmas tree. There just isnt much you can do about it. But if you stick to your plan and take the high road, most other people will realize who the jerk is.

Best of luck. I hope it works out.