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Not Pushing at 10U.

Sep 19, 2018
156
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I hoping to get a little sanity check. Well truthfully someone to tell me I am right :)

Last fall my DD played travel as a first year 10U. In-between two different foot injuries she played pretty well and mostly hit at the top of the lineup. For reasons this dad still does not understand (I am not sure DD does either), DD REALLY did not want to play for this coach / team in the spring. So we let her skip travel. When we told her travel coach she was not going to play the spring he told dd she always has a home on this team whenever she wants.

This spring in req ball, she was pretty dominant, particularly pitching. She was asked to play on an 11U All-star team. 7 of the 12 girls on the all-star team were travel girls. 5 of those girls were / are way better than her. but overall she held her own.

Come fall, going back to the travel team is still not an option in her head. But DD asked to play rec softball instead of soccer (Yayyy!!!!). DD wants to stay in 10U as one of her best friends is playing for the first time. DD wants to be on her team. So I let her make that decision. Frankly, she is not going to get a whole lot better.

Everyone that has found out about this decision has told me I am nutz. 2 of of the TB 12U coaches suggested I should have made her play travel. Her all star coach thinks it is ridiculous to let her play against girls a year younger than her. DW is frustrated at me because she is not going to get better.

One point has me half second guessing myself. A few times this season, DD got in the car after a game and said, "Dad, this is bad. None of the girls can play. This isn't fun."

Am I nutz to not force her to do TB? Not force her to move up to 12U for fall ball? I do plan I making her move to 12U in the spring. But I am really hoping that this fall is enough of a mess (I hate to say that), that DD will make the decision on her own.

Is it me or everyone else?

Thanks for listening to this long rambling.
 
May 6, 2015
1,131
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when she is griping, ask her is she would like to try to move up, or play TB again with a different coach. she if she is interested in guest playing for travel teams.

bet you one thing is she probably did not like the time commitment of TB (ie half her weekends gone, more practices, expectation of working on her own, vs 1-2 practices/games per week in 10u rec).
 
Apr 16, 2013
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Only thing I could say is ask her if she'd like to play fill in for a travel team here and there. She may find a team she loves being on and a coach she loves playing for. Other than that, it's gotta be her decision.
 
Sep 19, 2018
156
28
when she is griping, ask her is she would like to try to move up, or play TB again with a different coach. she if she is interested in guest playing for travel teams.

bet you one thing is she probably did not like the time commitment of TB (ie half her weekends gone, more practices, expectation of working on her own, vs 1-2 practices/games per week in 10u rec).
To add to this, she is intensely shy. We did a try out for another org, and she was offer a spot. DD was not willing to play with a team full of complete strangers. She did guest for them once (3 games). She tried to sit on the end of the bench by herself. The coach had to call her over to sit with everyone a couple of times. But she enjoyed herself.

@bmakj I think you are correct on the time commitment. She is fiercely competitive once on the field, but I think 5+ hours in a day drains the fun out of it a little bit.
On the other hand, this summers all-star team was a 6 week thing. 3 weeks of practice, a week long tourney, then a week of practice and another week long tourney. We practiced 5 nights a week for 2 hours, she was the first one one the field almost every night.

@joe720 - that is my fear.
 
Nov 18, 2015
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"Dad, this is bad. None of the girls can play. This isn't fun."
Not disagreeing with any of the previous suggestions - just a thought to phrase your reply differently if this comes up again. Maybe try a more open-ended questions like "what do you think we need to do", or "you seemed to have fun playing All-Stars, what's different?". Avoid the "travel" word. If she's shy, she's probably not going to warm up to any of your suggestions / solutions, and may need to reach the (same) conclusion 100% on her own.

Is it too late for her friend to play up in 12U with her this season?
 
May 24, 2013
10,289
113
So Cal
Not disagreeing with any of the previous suggestions - just a thought to phrase your reply differently if this comes up again. Maybe try a more open-ended questions like "what do you think we need to do", or "you seemed to have fun playing All-Stars, what's different?". Avoid the "travel" word. If she's shy, she's probably not going to warm up to any of your suggestions / solutions, and may need to reach the (same) conclusion 100% on her own.
This ^^^ is a great approach, and one that I continue to use with my 14yo DD.

As others have said, forcing her to play TB is probably a bad idea. Manipulating the conversation so she comes up with that conclusion for herself is a much better tactic.

The one time I forced my DD to play softball was her very first TB tryout (10yo). She didn't know anyone there, and didn't want to get out of the car. She was a ball of nerves right up until the time she got on the field an realized that they did the same kinds of things she had always done - warm-up, play catch, go through some drills, and play softball. It turns out, it's the same game at every age and level.
 
Oct 4, 2018
920
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I'd be talking to her a bit more about why she didn't want to play for that coach. Do you think there's something she's not sharing?
 
Sep 19, 2018
156
28
As others have said, forcing her to play TB is probably a bad idea. Manipulating the conversation so she comes up with that conclusion for herself is a much better tactic.
100% on this. Making her do anything is a disaster. But she'll dive in once she decides to do it.

@uncdrew we've had this conversation a number of times. nothing seems to add up to me anyway. I've known Coach since we were kids. His father was my first football coach. I would sometimes show up early at the end of practice trying to get ideas. Coach is a no nonsense guy, but I don't think I've seen him yell. He'd show them what he wants done. then ask them to do it. He'll go over it 3 times. If you don't get it by the third time, he'll ask for push ups or run to the poll and back or some such. but nothing crazy as far as I am concerned.

One story my DD told. We were at Spookynook for the Holloween Tourney. Coach asked her "Do you know what an athletic leader is?". Being as shy as she is, she just started at him. After a few seconds of silence, Coach said "oh forget it." and walked away. She finished the story with, that is when I knew I couldn't play on the spring team.

This spring she even asked me, can you ask coach to come to one of our rec team practices? Coach will whip them into shape, you are too easy on the team.
 

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