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No competitive drive

Aug 2, 2019

Double-goal coaching - Help them develop the skills they need to succeed/win, but also teach them life lessons.
2nd goal parents - Reinforce the life lessons, let the coaches coach.
Triple-impact competitor - Learn to improve/lift up self, team, and the game.

Good stuff. Used to be called common sense, but we have gotten way far away from a lot of this basic stuff.

Best of luck! Sounds like you're willing to change to make things better, and that can often be the hardest part.
The whole point of everything I've been doing was to try to make things better. Clearly that way doesn't work. I don't have a problem shifting an approach if the current one isn't working. But without a better plan...

You know what they say, if the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem you come across looks like a nail. It's obvious I need more tools.
Aug 25, 2019
A lot of things go through a girls head at this age, (or any age). there is quite a bit of time in the field to think about alot of things besides softball. We all know there certainly can be alot of drama in a girl's life, school, boys, mean girls, etc., they can be thinking about all this and then "oh no, here comes the ball". It's easy for us to say "stay focused", not so easy for them. She'll learn to focus the more she plays.
Aug 25, 2019
Backing off was all I needed to do, and DD is turning it around on her own. All this time I thought I needed to get her turned around, but I just needed to give her room to do it herself. Thanks all for your input.

Yes! I used to be critical of my DD's play, then one game last year on her school team, I video'd her at bat where she struck out on a beautiful pitch right down the middle without swinging. I sent her the video with a note saying "how could you miss this" I then looked at the video again and saw how upset she was at the K, and I felt like crap sending that to her. That point on, I made a 180 degree turn, it's all positive, never mention a K or and error or lack of hustle or anything. She's enjoying it more now that I don't hound her, and to be quite honest, I enjoy watching the game much more when I can just set back and relax and not worry about K's or errors or anything.
Jun 10, 2018
Yes Pattar I'm not hard to figure out on that one! its just that I managed/coached for years and the girls with hovering (sometimes overbearing) parents always seemed less happy with their game/practice, I saw it over and over again. No doubt softball is fun to watch and a day at the fields is the best thing! But sometimes being on their own has great benefits, being able to tell their parents how it went that day......
Nov 18, 2013
Good news. I've stopped most softball discussion with DD, especially the things she's not doing perfectly. This weekend she started out playing like bump on a log. Not running hard, hunting walks not hits. After the games I teased her about being a slowpoke in a fun way, not getting on her case. The next game she played a little better. Going up there to hit, and looked alive on defense. It got better through the weekend, as I only praised her about the good stuff, and each game there was more good stuff to praise her about, including the best defensive play she's made since joining the team. She even got moved off the bottom of the order, and had a very brief, but good pitching performance in garbage time in a bracket game. She still has a long ways to go, but she is headed in the right direction.

Backing off was all I needed to do, and DD is turning it around on her own. All this time I thought I needed to get her turned around, but I just needed to give her room to do it herself. Thanks all for your input.
This is great to hear! It’s hard to maintain the line between Dad coach. Sometimes the best thing we can do is just shut up. Daughter put me in place by telling me “sometimes I just need you to be Dad”

FWIW, she got lit up fairly often her first year 12U B rec team. It takes a while for things to click with the bigger ball and vs bigger girls. Don’t have her give up pitching. Make it fun and let her get the spark she needs.
May 5, 2008
How is she doing now, almost a year later? First year 12u can be a tough season of life for so many reasons.
Aug 2, 2019
She took the spring/summer season off. Coach told me she was giving off a bad vibe in practice, even though she was performing well, and it would be a no go if she didn’t correct. I had a talk with her, and she said she didn’t want to play.

She was asked to play rec in the fall with an old team because the one girl that played TB had her team dissolve, and wanted to play with some friends.

The team went from garbage, to best in league in the course of the season. The core of that team is playing travel ball this spring with some questionable coaching (me). Had first practice today. Focusing on development and fun. Her attitude so far is good, and my perspective on why softball is important has shifted.

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