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Aug 2, 2019
343
63
She needs for it to be fun again. Somewhere along the line, it has become a job more than a hobby. Maybe try backing off on practicing at home so much. Take a weekend off. Do something that says to her "This is not your life". it might work and it might not. Don't know until you try.
Tried that a little last week. Nothing outside of practice, so she had 4 days softball free. Spent a day with her little boy crush, went to a rock climbing gym, got ice cream. Pretended softball didn't exist. Then this week we have practice, league DH, pitching lessons, and tourney this weekend.
 
Mar 28, 2014
1,081
113
Yeah, it's not really a melt down. And giving up a walk doesn't bother her. Every time it's been a fielding error that has caused it. No pouting. Just a complete lack a focus and a breakdown of mechanics. Basically she just starts machine gunning grounders from the mound and makes no effort to correct.
I wouldn't sweat it too much. Been there done that. You have no idea how young they really are at that age until they get older. Then it hits you. Things my DD did at 11 years old are so far removed from how she is now, it isn't funny. I now realize the time I spent talking to her about some of those things that she did when she was 11 was a total waste. I should have just let things happen organically.

It will either work itself out or it won't. Your best bet is to focus on the things that went well and completely ignore the bad stuff until the next day when you can ANALYTICALLY talk about it with her instead of emotionally.............for about 30 seconds. Then move on to the positives.
 
May 7, 2015
842
93
SoCal
I feel for the predicament that she is in. I have 2 DD's. Anyway, your DD is telling you something and I think that you're not wanting to pick up on it. I would recommend scaling back on all of the extra work and see if she starts enjoying the sport more (consistently). Good luck. If she does start coming around and enjoying it more (thru positive attitude and effort) carefully reintroduce the additional work.
 
Aug 2, 2019
343
63
As i said a little earlier my DD did the same exact thing, would fire the ball 10' over the 1st basemans head before the batter even got out of the batters box. Her second year of 12U, didn't do it once. 11 is a tough age.

Does your DD like the girls on her team? Are there clicks that make here feel left out? Could be a lot of different things, hard to diagnose over the interweb.

I always come back to if they are having fun, that is all that matters. If the coach didn't want her on the team, they'd kick you off the team. So after a practice or a game, win, lose, or draw, go out and get an ice cream cone afterwards and don't talk about softball.
New team. Knows one girl from her old team. They still stick pretty close together, although they both seem to get along with all the other girls, but I don't think they really feel like it's "their team" yet. Warm ups yesterday they played catch together, and made sure they were in line for grounders together, etc. It looked like those two, and the team. When they come into the dugout they intermingle and you wouldn't know.

I wouldn't be surprised if the coach tells us they are moving on from DD after the fall season. I am guilty of trying to talk to my daughter too much about softball, especially correcting mistakes, which as someone pointed out only highlights her mistakes.
 
Aug 2, 2019
343
63
I feel for the predicament that she is in. I have 2 DD's. Anyway, your DD is telling you something and I think that you're not wanting to pick up on it. I would recommend scaling back on all of the extra work and see if she starts enjoying the sport more (consistently). Good luck. If she does start coming around and enjoying it more (thru positive attitude and effort) carefully reintroduce the additional work.
This is correct.

Part of the issue is that this team wanted her to develop as a pitcher, and she wanted to pitch. Turns out, pitching is hard and takes a lot of practice. She knew this and said she wanted to do it. I think she may have to give up the pitching dream, because you're right, the extra work is taking the fun out it for her.
 
Dec 26, 2017
487
63
Oklahoma
Aren't you the dude that threw a water bottle at the fence when your DD made an error? So now you have to force yourself to sit in the outfield so you don't lose your temper and have another outburst. Why the hell would I want to discuss this with you? You're way out of touch.

As someone who has been around Pattar a bunch-that is a gross mischaricterization and a little out of line.

I have a DD who pitches in 12u, so does my opinion count since it's a 12u pitcher in question? Losing focus, falling apart, having mechanical break downs, etc are all par for the course and understandable. Pouting or fit throwing are not (they aren't acceptable at school or at the grocery store, why would they be acceptable anywhere else?). He was pretty clear in that he was stating that IF that's what OP's DD was doing, then it should maybe be addressed but that if it was other stuff that it's probably normal 11 year old girl stuff and would take care of itself.
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
As someone who has been around Pattar a bunch-that is a gross mischaricterization and a little out of line.

I have a DD who pitches in 12u, so does my opinion count since it's a 12u pitcher in question? Losing focus, falling apart, having mechanical break downs, etc are all par for the course and understandable. Pouting or fit throwing are not (they aren't acceptable at school or at the grocery store, why would they be acceptable anywhere else?). He was pretty clear in that he was stating that IF that's what OP's DD was doing, then it should maybe be addressed but that if it was other stuff that it's probably normal 11 year old girl stuff and would take care of itself.
Thanks, I will pay you for your comments next time I see you :LOL:
 
Dec 26, 2017
487
63
Oklahoma
Yeah, it's not really a melt down. And giving up a walk doesn't bother her. Every time it's been a fielding error that has caused it. No pouting. Just a complete lack a focus and a breakdown of mechanics. Basically she just starts machine gunning grounders from the mound and makes no effort to correct.

My DD will do this when she gets embarrassed by something. She just sort of checks out and wants to get it over with. If you keep trying your hardest, and fail, you (and everyone watching) have to confront your limits. If you mail it in, there is less responsibility for the outcome, in a way. Even at the plate- if she takes a TERRIBLE swing at the first pitch, she will occasionally just swing at two more terrible pitches, not even watching the ball, etc, and make a hasty retreat to the dugout, to get out of view.
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
My DD will do this when she gets embarrassed by something. She just sort of checks out and wants to get it over with. If you keep trying your hardest, and fail, you (and everyone watching) have to confront your limits. If you mail it in, there is less responsibility for the outcome, in a way. Even at the plate- if she takes a TERRIBLE swing at the first pitch, she will occasionally just swing at two more terrible pitches, not even watching the ball, etc, and make a hasty retreat to the dugout, to get out of view.
For many kids it is a coping mechanism as most girls at that age are really conscious about how they appear to other people. Pouting, quitting, bad body language doesn't mean the kid is a bad kid, just that they need to learn how to better deal with the inevitable failure that is going to happen on the field. They also don't often see that behavior as looking bad to an outsider when in reality it does.

I, on the otherhand, have taught a class withh my shirt (t-shirt..not button down..I am not that clueless plus I am not flexible enough to button it behind my back) on backwards twice in the last two weeks. I would blame my wife since she is asleep when I leave for work but my guess is she would probably just let me go to work that way to get back at me for something stupid I would have likely said the day before.
 
Last edited:
Mar 28, 2014
1,081
113
As someone who has been around Pattar a bunch-that is a gross mischaricterization and a little out of line.

I have a DD who pitches in 12u, so does my opinion count since it's a 12u pitcher in question? Losing focus, falling apart, having mechanical break downs, etc are all par for the course and understandable. Pouting or fit throwing are not (they aren't acceptable at school or at the grocery store, why would they be acceptable anywhere else?). He was pretty clear in that he was stating that IF that's what OP's DD was doing, then it should maybe be addressed but that if it was other stuff that it's probably normal 11 year old girl stuff and would take care of itself.
Dude, let it go. It's not your concern. I had dropped it as had he. Now all you are doing is stirring it back up. Lets move on.
 

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