Welcome to Discuss Fastpitch

Your FREE Account is waiting to the Best Softball Community on the Web.

Register Log in

No competitive drive

Aug 2, 2019
95
33
DD has always been prone to not giving her best effort. Some days she's an animal, some days she's a shrinking violet. Some days, like last night, she shows glimpses of both in the same game. Last night she completely gave up on the mound after a minor miscue. This is the third straight outing that she was doing great until something small went wrong and she lost her focus and literally did not throw another strike until she got pulled.

When she plays the field, when a ball is hit to her, you never know if she's going to make a diving play, or if she's going let the ball roll to a stop in front of her. On a tag play she may dive head first to make the tag and pop up to fire across the diamond to get a running lollygagging back to first, or like last night, she may completely vacate her base and let a perfect throw sail into the outfield because the base runner was "coming right at me". When batting, she is either hunting a walk, or swinging for the fences, but she has her mind made up before she gets in the box.

On the way home I was trying to get her to explain why sometimes she's gives 100%, but most of the time it's more like 10%. I started to talk about how we need to play to win, and that's what's important. Not the winning, but playing to win the game (cue Herm Edwards). I stopped and asked her if she cares if she wins. She said, "I like it when we win." I asked if she cared when the lose. She said, "Not really."

I'm at a loss. Are we done with TB? She says she loves softball, but I guess not enough to actually try. I feel like I'd be doing a disservice to her team if I let her keep playing on the team. Am I overreacting? Just looking for advice. First year 12U, btw.
 
May 20, 2016
172
28
Sometimes we as parents want to win more than our DD's. And pretty sure we've all gone through stretches like that. At 11 you really shouldn't get too worried about it. As long as she is having fun and getting better. And really they have days like that as they get older as well. Past weekend my DD threw a complete game 1H shutout and we won 12-0. 3rd inning she felt like she was getting squeezed by the umpire and lost her mind. Walked two batters on 8 pitches. Coach went out and calmed her down.

Talked to her after the game and she couldn't care less that she threw a 1H shutout, all she could talk about was getting squeezed(in her perception).

End of the day they are kids, if they are happy, that is all that really matters.
 
Aug 2, 2019
95
33
Sometimes we as parents want to win more than our DD's. And pretty sure we've all gone through stretches like that. At 11 you really shouldn't get too worried about it. As long as she is having fun and getting better. And really they have days like that as they get older as well. Past weekend my DD threw a complete game 1H shutout and we won 12-0. 3rd inning she felt like she was getting squeezed by the umpire and lost her mind. Walked two batters on 8 pitches. Coach went out and calmed her down.

Talked to her after the game and she couldn't care less that she threw a 1H shutout, all she could talk about was getting squeezed(in her perception).

End of the day they are kids, if they are happy, that is all that really matters.
That's the rub. When she's having fun is when she's giving her best effort. When it's not fun to her is what creates the poor effort. Her effort level is completely independent of any desire to actually perform, it's a function of if it's fun in that moment. Lately the effort levels have been consistently lower. She seems to only really be having fun before and after the games when it's more "social" with the other girls. During the games, not so much. She says she loves softball. Lately it just seems likes loves every part of it except for actually playing (and practicing.)

I also kinda feel like she sold the coach on a bill of goods at tryouts. She was a freaking animal at tryouts. Hard charging, diving, aggressive, confident. Everything you'd want in a player. That's not the player they're getting now.
 
Feb 26, 2018
282
28
My DD has had her moments too, so you're not alone. She used to be the same way at your DD's age, but as she's gotten older she's gotten a lot more consistent. She's first year 14U, and her new big issue is body language. If she loves the game and wants to keep playing, one day it will click for her, you just have to be patient.
 
Mar 28, 2014
328
43
DD has always been prone to not giving her best effort. Some days she's an animal, some days she's a shrinking violet. Some days, like last night, she shows glimpses of both in the same game. Last night she completely gave up on the mound after a minor miscue. This is the third straight outing that she was doing great until something small went wrong and she lost her focus and literally did not throw another strike until she got pulled.

When she plays the field, when a ball is hit to her, you never know if she's going to make a diving play, or if she's going let the ball roll to a stop in front of her. On a tag play she may dive head first to make the tag and pop up to fire across the diamond to get a running lollygagging back to first, or like last night, she may completely vacate her base and let a perfect throw sail into the outfield because the base runner was "coming right at me". When batting, she is either hunting a walk, or swinging for the fences, but she has her mind made up before she gets in the box.

On the way home I was trying to get her to explain why sometimes she's gives 100%, but most of the time it's more like 10%. I started to talk about how we need to play to win, and that's what's important. Not the winning, but playing to win the game (cue Herm Edwards). I stopped and asked her if she cares if she wins. She said, "I like it when we win." I asked if she cared when the lose. She said, "Not really."

I'm at a loss. Are we done with TB? She says she loves softball, but I guess not enough to actually try. I feel like I'd be doing a disservice to her team if I let her keep playing on the team. Am I overreacting? Just looking for advice. First year 12U, btw.
Very few 11 year old girls give two rips about winning or losing a softball game. It just isn't in most of them. Best advice is to stop worrying about what she doesn't do and start enjoying the things that she does do. Your life and particularly her life will be much more enjoyable that way. Speaking from experience here.
 

pattar

Clueless..
Jun 8, 2016
3,733
113
Very few 11 year old girls give two rips about winning or losing a softball game. It just isn't in most of them. Best advice is to stop worrying about what she doesn't do and start enjoying the things that she does do. Your life and particularly her life will be much more enjoyable that way. Speaking from experience here.
This I agree with. That said, pouting on the field, e.g. what OP mentioned about her pitching, because things are not going your way is something that probably needs to be addressed. We have a pitcher like this, her body language on the mound is horrible..I can see it from 220 feet away. The behavior hurts both her and her team.

The not being aggressive in the field and at the plate is less of an issue imo, unless it is again because she is pouting due to something that happened previously, and may be a function of things other than her caring or not (lack of confidence or focus, trepidation,etc) .

99% of humans don't like to be embarrassed and what are you seeing as a lack of effort may be her thinking that playing a ball like she is or swinging like she is, will lessen the chance of embarrassment. For example we have some girls on our 1st 12U team who at first glance appear to not go hard for fly balls in the OF. What I have figured out is that they think it looks better for them to let it drop in front of them then for them to go all out and have it hit their glove. Same thing with hitting, some girls would rather hit a weak ground ball every time rather than ever strike out because of the their perception of how it looks to others (which is a big deal for some pre-teen/teen girls I think). This will probably take care of itself as she gets older or if not somebody else will make the decision for her regarding whether or not she ever sees the field.
 
Last edited:
Jun 23, 2018
17
3
Texas
My DD is 1st year 12U also and we go thru stretches where she is 100% and then stretches where you wonder if she even wants to play. 3 things I think I have figured out:
1 - I don't know anything, just ask my DD
2 - The social is a HUGE part of the game for girls this age. It's probably 51% or more of the reason my DD plays. (I hope that changes and she learns to play for the love of the game)
3 - I can't really talk to my DD about this directly. I have to ask leading questions and shut up and listen and let her get to the root of the problem (I learn a lot more thru silence), then I have to lead her to answers. I can't have the answer because see #1.
I have learned to accept the idea that if my DD said tomorrow she was done, I would say OK, what next. If I want it more than her, I will just push her away from the game even more. BTW, I may accept it, but I won't like it.
 
Apr 30, 2018
24
3
How does she compare to the other girls? Is everyone else giving it 100% all the time. The coach has the option of putting her on the bench, if she doesn't like that maybe she will pick it up, but it should still be fun. I would casually remind her that softball is a team game and that it's OK to make mistakes, but that she doesn't want to let her teammates/friends down by not doing her best. At the end of the day I feel that her not playing anymore should be her decision. Look at it from the outside and decide if this about her embarrassing herself, or is this about her embarrassing you.
 
Mar 28, 2014
328
43
This I agree with. That said, pouting on the field, e.g. what OP mentioned about her pitching, because things are not going your way is something that probably needs to be addressed. We have a pitcher like this, her body language on the mound is horrible..I can see it from 220 feet away. The behavior hurts both her and her team.

The not being aggressive in the field and at the plate is less of an issue imo, unless it is again because she is pouting due to something that happened previously, and may be a function of things other than her caring or not (lack of confidence or focus, trepidation,etc) and will probably take care of itself as she gets older or if not somebody else will make the decision for her regarding whether or not she ever sees the field.
An 11 year old pitcher melting down after giving up a few walks? Color me SHOCKED! Lol.......that is par for the course. She will be fine as her confidence grows so do NOT address that part of her performance AT ALL. Address the part of her performance that came before the meltdown when she was throwing well. The last thing she needs is to have to relive the meltdown. You're doing more harm than good if you constantly "review" an 11 year olds mistakes. Pretty soon that's all she will remember.

Talk about destroying confidence. Always talking about the bad plays will do that quicker than anything else.
 

pattar

Clueless..
Jun 8, 2016
3,733
113
An 11 year old pitcher melting down after giving up a few walks? Color me SHOCKED! Lol.......that is par for the course. She will be fine as her confidence grows so do NOT address that part of her performance AT ALL. Address the part of her performance that came before the meltdown when she was throwing well. The last thing she needs is to have to relive the meltdown. You're doing more harm than good if you constantly "review" an 11 year olds mistakes. Pretty soon that's all she will remember.

Talk about destroying confidence. Always talking about the bad plays will do that quicker than anything else.
Melting down as in just pitching bad is not what I was talking about. Giving up was what I was talking about, although I guess the OP did not actually say that is what she was doing. By giving up I mean pouting, poor body language, obvious lack of effort, etc. I don't think that is par for the course AT ALL or ACCEPTABLE.
 

Latest posts

Latest threads

Forum statistics

Threads
34,541
Messages
503,698
Members
15,951
Latest member
BPinkham
Top