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New(ish) player on an established team

Apr 3, 2018
11
3
Hello. My daughter plays on a high level 2nd year 12u team. The coach saw her play in 10u and heavily recruited her to join his team at the end of her 10u season. This team has mainly been together since 8u, with the exception of my daughter and a couple more new additions. The team is not local for us, as we travel two hours twice a week for practice, but the rest of the team all live in the same area and/or go to school together. The issue is this, there seems to be a divide on the team between the new girls and the original team and the coach seems to be ignoring/oblivious as to what an issue it is becoming. There is zero team chemistry when the game is on the line, and it is quite obvious (to me at least) that the “old” girls do not like the “new” girls. How does my daughter approach the coach about this? Thank you for any advice.


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Dec 15, 2018
268
63
CT
Did you just join? Or how long has this divide been going on?

We went through a similar thing this fall, where my DD and 2 other girls joined a very established team with almost all girls from different location who go to school together. It was super awkward for about 3 weeks, new girls only throwing with / talking to them selves, etc.

Coaches all saw it though, and stepped in, almost forced the integration. But it worked. After that first month they were fine, all one team. Some of it was coaches talking to the team about it, forcing "old girls" to throw with / partner in drills with, etc. the "new" girls. Part of it was just time, and playing together, and the new girls proving themselves as teammates (and vis versa).

Bad coaching in my opinion if they aren't seeing it. Worse if they are seeing it and aren't doing anything about it.
 
Feb 3, 2016
502
43
It's hard to reset the order of things. I really think you need to ask yourself why the same teams always seem to need 3 to 4 players. Clique's kill teams, either you're in or out. If one player can be identified as the problem or ringleader the coach should act because it makes the job of coaching harder. If it's the coaches kid you're SOL.
 
Oct 11, 2010
7,802
63
Chicago, IL
I would not approach the coach. She is getting old enough to make her own choices with teamates, friends and coaches.

As a coach I have had minimal success resolving the issue you are describing. Not sure but it is easy to make the situation worse.
 
May 22, 2015
397
28
Illinois
I’m with Quincy. I don’t know that I would say anything about it to the coach. As long as everybody gets along that’s a plus. DD’s team definitely has 2 separate cliques. Half of the team goes to the same school so they are one group, and the other half all go to different schools and seem to congregate together. As long as they all get along and root for each other on game day it doesn’t really matter if they all are bff’s.
 
Apr 20, 2018
2,107
113
SoCal
I would not approach the coach. She is getting old enough to make her own choices with teamates, friends and coaches.

As a coach I have had minimal success resolving the issue you are describing. Not sure but it is easy to make the situation worse.
The girl is 12 years old and the girls on your team are 13. The players should respect you (coach) enough that they would behave. Demand they get along, make friends, be cordial. On my DD 07 team everybody gets along. It is mandatory. Allowing girls to get into a clique and shun other is wrong. Coach them to be better people not just better softball players. Even if they have shitty parents.
On the other side, parents don't put your DD in a position where she is going to be shun. Go to a tryout and then guest play and ask questions before officially joining $$$$.
 

RADcatcher

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
2,654
113
California
Lots of good advice already!
Can simply add
There are times when people just dont jive with eachother.
Young people too.
Coach clueless or not seeing it as something to address is irrelevant.

These are young people figuring out a social situation.
Could be go to other tryouts or maybe some fielding clincs and see how your dd responds to those social'ish situations.
To compair.
Sometimes our personality can be the influence. We learn ourselves through experiences.
 
Apr 20, 2015
495
63
Cliques are inevitable. My daughter has played on the same high level team since 10u. At 10u she was the only player from out of area. The only one in the hotel. As the years went girls left, others were added, roster size increased and now we have as many kids in the hotel as in their own bed. They all get along but We definitely have girls that are closer than others. Mine is close with both groups since she's both old and an outsider, but the girls would all lay it on the line for the TEAM on game day....that's what matters. We've had some kids join that didn't make any effort to get to know anyone. Just constantly talked about their old team and how good they were and blah blah blah. That kills team chemistry too. Others have come and fit right in like they've always been there. Make sure your daughter is doing her part to be a good teammate too.

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Apr 6, 2017
261
18
Dd was on a team like this. It all worked out. I don't think the coach
can fix this. The core group might be be all that's left of the original team. Maybe a outcast or two left? The truth is more than likely the
coaches Dd is part of the core group. If they like your girl they'll let her
in.
 
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