Need advice. How can I motivate my daughter to practice more?

[Eric F]

It was about that age when I changed my tune with my DD. I made it clear that it was up to her to decide how much work she should do to play the game at the level she wanted to play. I would be there to work with her whenever she wanted, but she was responsible for her own progress. Instead of "you need to...", I started saying "it would be a good idea to..." or "do you want to...?". It's then her decision on whether or not to do the work. When we are working together, I leave it up to her on how much work she wants to do (even if I think it should be more). There have been some ups and downs, and she's started to see that her performance fades when her work level drops off. There have also been periods when she lost her preferred spot in the batting order for her team, and had to work hard to get it back. It's okay to let them stumble and fall, and figure out how to recover.

 

[marriard]

there's been great advice in here but i think there should be something said for a parent that's trying to push their kid. that's a great job in my opinion. you're looking for help to make her better and work harder. yes as people have said you can't make them have more desire by force feeding it but i disagree with anyone that thinks every great pitcher or athlete had the work ethic come naturally. the op just wants help on how to get it out of their dd. i think parents can influence that. don't listen to people tell you they have to want it. that's bull, they don't know what they want. they're thirsty and they just need help to the drink. they think they know the way. they don't. they know what the drink or the payoff tastes like but they don't understand how to get to it. some girls might but possibly very few know and understand the work ethic. make the work fun. encourage and set goals. small goals and big goals. just don't let her feel beaten. make it positive and hid your thoughts on what needs improvement. work on trying to fix one thing at a time without her knowing it. positive, positive, positive, hey try doing this, positive, positive, great practice, let's get pizza.

Don't disagree with you in general. My experience has been that almost all the parents go over the line from supporting and providing the environment for their child to succeed in their best way versus pushing/forcing until someone call them out on it. I have seen the results way too often when they don't get called on it.

That includes me by the way. I consider myself very lucky that someone called me out. Her journey has been hers for several years now.

I disagree on the work ethic and that somehow you have to make them want it because they don't know... Some kids absolutely have it or find it themselves. There is NOTHING better than the kid who genuinely wants it and found that out all themselves. That is part of them grwoing up is discovering who they are and what they want. It can be amazing to see them when they figure it out. Sometimes it is softball - and sometimes it is something else - I have had great softball players who are now devoted to something completely different because that was right for them.

 

[hooham08]

This is pretty much what I'm trying to do. I'm giving positive feedback every chance I get following practice or lesson. I've been around athletics my whole life and I've seen the damage a parent can do by pushing their kid too hard or putting too much pressure on them, so I"m doing everything I can to avoid being that parent. I want her to love the sport and love playing. But I also want her to see that to get to where she wants to go she's going to have to work at it. Her natural talent pitching, fielding, throwing and hitting (I won't say running, she's not the speediest lol), will carry her so far, and has, but other girls are starting to catch up with her because of their hard work. If she doesn't pick it up, she isn't going to be our go to pitcher this season, another girl that is busting her rear will pass her and take that role. I don't want that to happen, and I know she doesn't.

Thanks for the response! I appreciate it.

taking a step back and letting her fall some may help. i was in similar situation last year. changing pitching coaches was a positive move for us. my daughter got a fire in her by seeing more positive results. put her in position to be motivated.

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[Eric F]

If she doesn't pick it up, she isn't going to be our go to pitcher this season, another girl that is busting her rear will pass her and take that role. I don't want that to happen, and I know she doesn't.

Stop yourself right there...This game isn't your game. This journey isn't your journey. What you want doesn't matter.

 

[_MIA_]

As someone who lived and breathed baseball, and had enough self-motivation for 10 people combined to the point where it was actually self-destructive (it bordered on obsessive which was the problem), the only thing you need your DD to realize is that if she wants to be good at something she will have to work at it, regardless of what that something is.

 

[hooham08]

Don't disagree with you in general. My experience has been that almost all the parents go over the line from supporting and providing the environment for their child to succeed in their best way versus pushing/forcing until someone call them out on it. I have seen the results way too often when they don't get called on it.

That includes me by the way. I consider myself very lucky that someone called me out. Her journey has been hers for several years now.

I disagree on the work ethic and that somehow you have to make them want it because they don't know... Some kids absolutely have it or find it themselves. There is NOTHING better than the kid who genuinely wants it and found that out all themselves. That is part of them grwoing up is discovering who they are and what they want. It can be amazing to see them when they figure it out. Sometimes it is softball - and sometimes it is something else - I have had great softball players who are now devoted to something completely different because that was right for them.

in regards to work ethic i mean that kids all respond differently. some are naturally driven. my son is that way. my daughter not so much. I've learned from her that positive attitude and a happy atmosphere helps her motivation. it's a different mental game with boys.

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[Eric F]

in regards to work ethic i mean that kids all respond differently. some are naturally driven. my son is that way. my daughter not so much. I've learned from her that positive attitude and a happy atmosphere helps her motivation. it's a different mental game with boys.

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A generalization..."Boys need to play good to feel good. Girls need to feel good to play good."

 

[hooham08]

here's something my daughter's pitching coach wrote. the best part is #3 http://tincherpitching.com/how-to-be-a-better-dad-coach-2/#more-16337

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[hooham08]

A generalization..."Boys need to play good to feel good. Girls need to feel good to play good."

i just posted that. it's a great piece of advice and rings very true.

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[texasheat]

So my daughter is a pitcher, she's been pitching for the last 5 years and is pretty good. She's always had natural talent so hasn't had to work super hard at being good but as she's getting older (she's 13) other girls that are putting in the time are starting to catch up. I don't want to push her and make her hate the game and ultimately quit, but at the same time I don't want to keep paying for pitching lessons when she isn't putting in the time needed to get better.

I don't think I'm asking too much, I try to get her to pitch at least 4 times a week for 30-45 minutes at a shot and she has lessons every other week. When she does pitch she will often ask how long she has to pitch or something else like that. So I'm just looking for some advice on how can I push her more to put in the work necessary. I've talked with her several times about pitching and she swears to me she wants to, so assuming she's not lying to me how should I get her to practice more without overly pushing her?

Lots of good stuff already said in this thread so I won't repeat. I'll just say that if she's 13 and still asking "How long do I have to pitch?" she really doesn't want to do what it takes to be a pitcher. She swears to you that she wants to pitch because she likes the idea of being a pitcher, not because she likes being a pitcher. If that makes sense. Being a pitcher is "cool" and a lot of girls enjoy that when they play but as we all know it takes someone loving to pitch to really be a pitcher and not just be a girl in the circle. Eventually she will get passed up if she doesn't put the work in and at that time you will really find out if she actually wants to be a pitcher. If she does she will realize she is getting passed and will buckle down and do what it takes to be a pitcher. Otherwise she will drop pitching and just play in the field. Nothing wrong with that. Pitching is not for everyone and ultimately this game is about having fun and enjoying it. If she gets that out of it from the field, Bravo, you have succeeded.