Moving on to a new team

[softball dad 6]

I don't want to put a damper on things but from the outside this is what your offer appears to be
#2 pitcher so 30-40% of time pitching
Significant time catching so 25-50% of the time catching
Work at infield 10% of time
Work at outfield 10% of the time.

That would be 75%-110% playing time. She would also have to practice at 4 different positions. The b/c teams dd has been associated with cant develop a girl in 4 unique positions and the A teams never work with a girl at more than 2 positions. I am sure there are some but i have not seen girls both pitching and catching at A level softball past 12u.
Your dd sounds like a good ball player that teams want. You just need to listen to the people on here that are encouraging you to ask questions.

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[JillMS923]

I don't want to put a damper on things but from the outside this is what your offer appears to be
#2 pitcher so 30-40% of time pitching
Significant time catching so 25-50% of the time catching
Work at infield 10% of time
Work at outfield 10% of the time.

That would be 75%-110% playing time. She would also have to practice at 4 different positions. The b/c teams dd has been associated with cant develop a girl in 4 unique positions and the A teams never work with a girl at more than 2 positions. I am sure there are some but i have not seen girls both pitching and catching at A level softball past 12u.
Your dd sounds like a good ball player that teams want. You just need to listen to the people on here that are encouraging you to ask questions.

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We totally get it. When she gets older, she knows she will have to choose between catching and pitching. It won't be a hard decision because pitching is what she wants to do (also what we pay for and go out of our way to see a PC for). Right now, she wants the ball in her hand as much as possible. Whether it's catching or pitching, she likes being a part of every play. But she needs work on fielding, it's her weakest point. She still manages to make it work. According to both coaches, at this age, they still want to develop her around the field as well. I think that no matter what she chooses, she is going to thrive. Thank you for the complement too. She does have a lot natural instincts when it comes to sports. Which is something that's hard to teach, according to one of her basketball coaches.

 

[JillMS923]

You guys are awesome! Thanks for all the information so far. I am going to show my DD this thread. If you have any other advice she may want to see, please please post. This whole process is so new to us. I appreciate all the information I am receiving!

 

[bmakj]

If she is going to continue pitching, I would have catch only if team absolutely needs her. she will need to develop a secondary position other than catching (ie one that "rests" her a bit), and work on fielding skills. right about 12u and above is there they really are only going to be able to pursue one. for my DD is was Catching (kinda defaulted, the teams she has been on, she would have been #4 or so pitcher, has generally been #2 or #1 catcher).

 

[Gags]

Good points. And there is more to the story. Before we decided anything, B team reached out to me and asked if she was trying out. I said most likely but not until their last tryout date which was after A team tryouts. B team coach offered to have a private tryout and I accepted but told them that we would not be able to make a decision until the week after. B team coach said ok, no pressure. B team then gave offer on the spot at the private tryout. I told them that honestly we want to tryout for another team that was closer to us but tryout was not until Wednesday. Then B team coach proceeded to tell us that we had until Saturday to decide. Which my husband was not happy about. I understood the game that they were trying to play. But now we are in this situation.

I'm sorry, but I'm not quite understanding why there's 2 more pages of hesitation about turning down the B team.

+1 - coach reached out to make sure you were trying out
+1 - coach offered to have a private tryout
+1 - coach acknowledges that you will not be able to make an immediate decision, even adds in the "no pressure" line (or something similar)
+1 - coach goes through with private tryout, and offers you an immediate spot
-1 - coach ignores your request for a later decision that was made when he offered a private tryout
-1 - coach ignores your request for a later decision that was made when he offered you a spot on the team
-1 - coach is unable to comprehend that if it's Thursday, that means Saturday will come BEFORE Wednesday
-2 - coach fails to see the irony b/w "no pressure" and "I need an answer by Saturday"

Looks like coach ends up at -1.

Now I don't know the coach, but to put it another way, I keep wanting to compare this to a bad dating situation: Dude A asks out Girl B (hey, no pressure, we're just friends). They go to dinner, the check comes, Dude A says "let me get the check". Girl B says "no, really, we can split the check, b/c that's what friends do". Dude A says "It's the least I could do, besides, friends pay for each all the time!" Girl B lets him pay, thinking "well, I did tell him several times we're just friends...". On the way home [b/c we all see where this is headed, right?], Dude A makes things incredibly awkward for Girl B when he suggests how she could pay him back for buying dinner. But wait - there's more! Making this even worse, of course, is the realization that a) this tactic has probably worked for Dude A before, and b) because he paid all that money for unlimited appetizers at TGI Friday's, Dude A feels like HE'S the one being taken advantage of!

In coaches defense, maybe they were caught up by the prospect of landing a really good pitcher that would finally help them win a tournament or two, and just forgot about your repeated requests for more time. But even then, that tells me they are a coach (or coaching staff) that may get so caught up with trying to win, they may also neglect things like player development, arm care (since your daughter pitches AND catches), or sitting that stud guest player who's played every inning this weekend even though you have plenty of subs.

I know you're not saying the coach is lying to you, but what you've described really does (for me, at least) raise a red flag in regards to their integrity. Your daughter's 11, right? She could theoretically be with this coach for the next 4-5 years, And for most, 11 is middle school, which means that except for Mom and Dad, this coach will be spending more time with your daughter than any other adult, during some of the most impressionable years of her life. And this is just at the start of any future relationship.

I have to apologize again - I wasn't expecting to write so much, but when I keep reading about coaches (or parents - not you! - just read a few other threads to see what I mean) who are just...clueless? a-holes? idiots?... I just. don't. get it. And your situation is FAR from what most of us would consider "extreme".

I want to believe that nobody wakes up in the morning and says "I really want to ruin some little girls love of softball - I think I'll become a coach!", but it's sure getting harder to do so...

 

[JillMS923]

I'm sorry, but I'm not quite understanding why there's 2 more pages of hesitation about turning down the B team.

+1 - coach reached out to make sure you were trying out
+1 - coach offered to have a private tryout
+1 - coach acknowledges that you will not be able to make an immediate decision, even adds in the "no pressure" line (or something similar)
+1 - coach goes through with private tryout, and offers you an immediate spot
-1 - coach ignores your request for a later decision that was made when he offered a private tryout
-1 - coach ignores your request for a later decision that was made when he offered you a spot on the team
-1 - coach is unable to comprehend that if it's Thursday, that means Saturday will come BEFORE Wednesday
-2 - coach fails to see the irony b/w "no pressure" and "I need an answer by Saturday"

Looks like coach ends up at -1.

Now I don't know the coach, but to put it another way, I keep wanting to compare this to a bad dating situation: Dude A asks out Girl B (hey, no pressure, we're just friends). They go to dinner, the check comes, Dude A says "let me get the check". Girl B says "no, really, we can split the check, b/c that's what friends do". Dude A says "It's the least I could do, besides, friends pay for each all the time!" Girl B lets him pay, thinking "well, I did tell him several times we're just friends...". On the way home [b/c we all see where this is headed, right?], Dude A makes things incredibly awkward for Girl B when he suggests how she could pay him back for buying dinner. But wait - there's more! Making this even worse, of course, is the realization that a) this tactic has probably worked for Dude A before, and b) because he paid all that money for unlimited appetizers at TGI Friday's, Dude A feels like HE'S the one being taken advantage of!

In coaches defense, maybe they were caught up by the prospect of landing a really good pitcher that would finally help them win a tournament or two, and just forgot about your repeated requests for more time. But even then, that tells me they are a coach (or coaching staff) that may get so caught up with trying to win, they may also neglect things like player development, arm care (since your daughter pitches AND catches), or sitting that stud guest player who's played every inning this weekend even though you have plenty of subs.

I know you're not saying the coach is lying to you, but what you've described really does (for me, at least) raise a red flag in regards to their integrity. Your daughter's 11, right? She could theoretically be with this coach for the next 4-5 years, And for most, 11 is middle school, which means that except for Mom and Dad, this coach will be spending more time with your daughter than any other adult, during some of the most impressionable years of her life. And this is just at the start of any future relationship.

I have to apologize again - I wasn't expecting to write so much, but when I keep reading about coaches (or parents - not you! - just read a few other threads to see what I mean) who are just...clueless? a-holes? idiots?... I just. don't. get it. And your situation is FAR from what most of us would consider "extreme".

I want to believe that nobody wakes up in the morning and says "I really want to ruin some little girls love of softball - I think I'll become a coach!", but it's sure getting harder to do so...

Thank you for all that insight! I like that example with the dating situation. I am "clueless" but more about how to handle the situation and what repercussions we may face from B team. But talking to DD today, she says that A team is a good opportunity to grow and develop and we are 90% sure that we are going to go that route. It's a good problem to have though. Just don't like burning bridges. It makes me cringe, but like everyone says, we gotta do what we gotta do for our daughter.

 

[ang2bmd]

I'd ask a lot more questions of your A team. A #2 pitcher on a B team should not be a #2 pitcher on a real A team. Sounds like team B knows what level they play at and team A is a wanna be A team. However if team A is closer and will provide a better situation then go for it. The softball world is fickle and its fine.

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[JillMS923]

I'd ask a lot more questions of your A team. A #2 pitcher on a B team should not be a #2 pitcher on a real A team. Sounds like team B knows what level they play at and team A is a wanna be A team. However if team A is closer and will provide a better situation then go for it. The softball world is fickle and its fine.

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We have asked a few questions but I would like to hear some examples of what you feel would be some red flags for the A team.

 

[Gags]

Your welcome, but again - you did nothing wrong here. The coach poured gasoline all over the bridge, then handed you a lit match. “No pressure” came out of his/her mouth, not yours.

It’s only been a few days - it’s not like you’d be telling them your going elsewhere the day before your first tournament. They’ll survive.

On the positive side - you just gave their #2 pitcher a starring role!


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[JillMS923]

Well guys, we have pulled the trigger. At the end of it all, DD said she would be happiest with A team. Both the HC and AC were trying to recruit DD all day today so it felt nice to know that an A team REALLY wants her.

We emailed the C team coach, which didn't seem as bad as having to tell the B team coach that we changed our minds. C team coach was more understanding than I thought and tried to persuade us to stay.

Emailed B team coach and waiting for response. Fingers crossed that it's best case scenario, we did not burn a bridge.

Called A level coach and accepted the offer. They were ecstatic.

After everything, DD is happy. Mom on the other hand has to unfortunately start these hard conversations and its stressful. Thank you guys again for all the great advice! Hopefully this is the only year we have to do this until college. Hahaha