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More tryout etiquette questions (when to tell current HC you are looking for another team)

Oct 23, 2013
12
3
2024 DD is in a pickle of sorts.

She has tryouts this weekend for her current team on Sunday. She is not real thrilled about her current team. Really likes the girls but not the coaching and has been unhappy all spring and its shown in her confidence and performance. She is also going to another org tryout on Saturday. On this prospective team, she knows 2 of the coaches and really likes them. Current team is dads (I being 1 of them) and prospect team is non parent coached and has a female coach that other players love and parents respect as a coach. This team is also a higher level team than what we have been on so it will really push DD plus it wont be coming from coach dad. It’s also a good drive from the house but DD is ok with that. The decision is fairly simple for us to join IF she makes the team.


My question is, when should I tell her current HC that we are going to the other tryout? Before or after the prospective team tryout that is Saturday or before or after our team tryouts on Sunday? I am certain someone will see us at the first one and tell him. I also don’t think he is expecting DD to leave but she is pretty much over this coach. I’d prefer not to tell him until we find out but I dont expect it to stay a secret. Plus, I feel like we owe some respect to him to be looking and to know the status of the situation. I’m not trying to burn the bridge as the HC and myself have coached together a while over the years.

Just looking for opinions on this. We are all pretty stressed about all of it at this point.

WANNABE cool about it as possible
 
May 29, 2015
906
93
I would go the other way ... I wouldn’t not mention it given the way you describe the situation.

I would tell him at the tryout. Be honest about the benefits of the the other team that are attractive to you. Those aren’t something he can offer, so it isn’t a competition.

“DD is looking to challenge herself a little more and wants to take the next step. She went to tryouts for the Rhodium Adamantium Elite Pro Thunder Chickens of Tuskawilla County yesterday. We won’t know anything until next Tuesday, but wanted to let you know this so you can keep it in mind while evaluating other players.”
 
Aug 19, 2015
794
43
Atlanta, GA
Don't say anything. Go to the Saturday tryout. If she gets an offer on the spot, take it and then call current HC that evening. If not, go to your current team's tryout on Sunday. Two tips:

1. Wear school uniform (or other random tshirt) to Sat. tryout. NOT current team jersey. Trust me on this.
2. If you don't get an immediate offer on Sat., text that team's HC Sat. evening expressing how much DD liked them/the team and how you would immediately accept an offer should one be given.

Word does travel, but it may not travel quite as fast if you follow Tip #1.

P.S.-You do mean Saturday as in tomorrow, right? Not the following Saturday?
 
Oct 23, 2013
12
3
Thanks for the thoughts. It’s very conflicting on a personal level. Our area is small and I dont want to creat issues later.

Funny you mention uniform as we are trying to figure that out as well. Lol. She doesnt have another uniform other than this one as we dont have middle school ball.

Yes, tomorrow and Sunday for the two tryouts.
 
Aug 19, 2015
794
43
Atlanta, GA
Thanks for the thoughts. It’s very conflicting on a personal level. Our area is small and I dont want to creat issues later.

Funny you mention uniform as we are trying to figure that out as well. Lol. She doesnt have another uniform other than this one as we dont have middle school ball.

Yes, tomorrow and Sunday for the two tryouts.
Wear a tournament t-shirt then. If she's anything like my DD was a few years ago, you probably have a million of them.
 
Apr 20, 2017
75
8
Since the first tryout was today hopefully you got an offer and the situation has resolved itself. Otherwise I would not mention the tryout to the current coach unless they bring it up with you. If they were to bring it up I would be honest with them and say you were exploring all options to make sure to have the best fit for your DD. If they press you for an answer about next season I would recommend saying you need a couple days to look at all the options but you will be in touch as soon as you have a decision. Don’t commit to current coach unless you are sure she will be playing for them.

It’s always nice to have something in hand before leaving a team but sometimes to do the right thing you have to take a leap of faith. This year we were put into a similar situation with DD team. We were basically over the current team and had a tryout lined up with another team. The current coach got to pressuring for a commitment and we declined without an offer from another team. My DD was softball homeless for a couple weeks but went to the prospective team workout and had an offer immediately. Good luck on everything and hopefully everything will work out for the best.
 
Oct 23, 2013
12
3
Update on this. The tryout went well and she has been asked to come back for an evaluation today on the orgs top level team. We are going to go.

She told us yesterday that she really doesn’t want to go back to her old team even if she doesn’t make it at this tryout. She is done with her old team.

I sent The coach and assistant coaches each a message expressing thanks and appreciation for the time they gave us. Most understood but HC was not happy about it. I’ve seen others leave this team and how he has been to all of them. Not sure what else I could do.

Thanks for the thoughts on this issue.
 
May 4, 2016
66
18
East Coast
Most understood but HC was not happy about it. I’ve seen others leave this team and how he has been to all of them.
I really don't understand HCs like this. Softball is a small, inbred community. The girls you "lose" at 11 are frequently back to your squad at 13.

If it's truly about the kids, why not be happy and excited for them to stretch their legs a little. I sort of get the very top A level teams getting snippy, but if you're lower on the pecking order, there will always be kids moving up and down the ladder of teams.
 
Oct 23, 2013
12
3
She just got back from the second tryout and this is the happiest I’ve seen her about softball in long time! We dont know which team yet but she will be happy either way.

I wish I could express this to her previous coach how much of a negative impact he had on her. Sad part is the kid knew it long before we acknowledged it because she doesnt complain.

I hate silly season but hopefully we found a good new home for her.
 

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