Lazy kid

[HasBeenorNeverWas]

Speaking from personal experience it certainly is possible. There was about a month last year where my DD refused to work with me because of my past idiotic behavior. When that happened I told her she could do stuff at home on her own if she wanted to and she did it so it wasn't that she didn't want to work..it was just that she wasn't enjoying doing the work with me (she doesn't take lessons). Of course DD is a positional player so it was easier to do work on her own (tee work, wall ball, etc).

Kids at that age (my DD is 12 too) have a lot going on emotionally, hormonally, socially, etc
Have you asked her why she doesn't enjoy doing some work at home?

She literally just wants to sit in her room and watch TV. We are busy ALL the time, so I really don't blame her on one hand but on the other it's like it's only 20 or 30 minutes so just get out there put a little time in and then do whatever.

 

[HasBeenorNeverWas]

Speaking from personal experience it certainly is possible. There was about a month last year where my DD refused to work with me because of my past idiotic behavior. When that happened I told her she could do stuff at home on her own if she wanted to and she did it so it wasn't that she didn't want to work..it was just that she wasn't enjoying doing the work with me (she doesn't take lessons). Of course DD is a positional player so it was easier to do work on her own (tee work, wall ball, etc).

Kids at that age (my DD is 12 too) have a lot going on emotionally, hormonally, socially, etc
Have you asked her why she doesn't enjoy doing some work at home?

I'm certainly not perfect in any way...I always try to be encouraging and supportive. The only times we really have gotten into it is when I make her go out (it's always me making her go out) and she really is pathetic and doesn't try at all. Normally once I get her out there we have a positive experience, but on occasion if she isn't feeling it she puts in no effort which does infuriate me and I tell her that lol.

 

[HasBeenorNeverWas]

What is she doing at lessons? Is she learning and working on new things? Or is it basically a $$ throwing session? If she's actively learning at lessons, I'd keep them. Maybe make her pay for them via chores, etc., seeing it as privilege. Another approach that Eric F mentioned is put her on a top A team and see how she sinks/swims and what that means to her in terms of focus.

What is missed a bit in this is she's a three-sport athlete. She's young, but still. If she's a true three-sport stud, such athletes are built different. They can walk into any situation and be one of the best -- with or without practice. That may have something to do with things too. If she's playing three sports it can be tough to train for the off-season ones too. Used to be the best athletes played three seasons of sports, mainly in high school. Obviously that's changed but something to think about...good luck.

30 minute lessons, if she is on she gets to work on new things, but she's off and unfocused it's just mostly trying to get her body back into good position and hit her spots.

She is a 3 sport athlete if she makes the volleyball team (4 technically because we own a bowling alley, so she also bowls). We are busy busy people, rarely home so I try and give her grace. She isn't a 3 sport athlete stud....she is strong and athletic, and could be good at anything but doesn't put the time in at home to really get better at basic things so she sits a lot.

 

[HasBeenorNeverWas]

Tough situation.
Money to pay for lessons
(Classroom time)
No application to do homework
(practice on own)

Agree with what others have said regarding whats the atmosphere at home or at the park practicing on her own can make a difference.

*if there is already good atmosphere going on trying to make that practicing happen. And still nada,

Would actually do something like,
~if you want me to pay for lessons then you'll have to step up and do some chores at home.
Yep chores.
Remember good old chores?!
Something that has nothing to do with softball but have to apply time to it.
Adds structure and accountability.

Because that seems the real issue. Figuring out how to apply our time in a quality way to our existence on the planet.

Just my .02 cents

I like this a lot. Take away sitting in her room, make her work and she will be begging to get out and practice

 

[schwabach]

It's a tough one. One of my daughters is fairly driven. The other, not so. Trying to force a child to do something can be like pushing a string. For every successful tiger mom out there, there are probably a dozen with deeply resentful kids. If she is a 3 sport athlete, she must be getting out of the house a fair bit. What I also noticed as a parent is that the middle school years can be the worst and that with each year following middle school I found my daughters more pleasant to be around - a bit too much social justice for me at times, but that is a different story.

 

[_MIA_]

What I also noticed as a parent is that the middle school years can be the worst and that with each year following middle school I found my daughters more pleasant to be around

Please be true..

 

[_MIA_]

I'm certainly not perfect in any way...I always try to be encouraging and supportive. The only times we really have gotten into it is when I make her go out (it's always me making her go out) and she really is pathetic and doesn't try at all. Normally once I get her out there we have a positive experience, but on occasion if she isn't feeling it she puts in no effort which does infuriate me and I tell her that lol.

I am not blaming you at all..sometimes us parents don't realize (or do in my case and still cannot help it sometimes) that we are giving off negative vibes...Also there are some kids who ignore such things better than others (mine isn't one of them..)

 

[sgurg]

She could throw into a net, but doesn't ever do that, or she has a catcher friend who is always ready to come practice anytime. When I catch her I don't do much coaching because I haven't mastered being able to watch her and not get hit with the ball so pretty much just leave the coaching to the pitching coach.

I have a similar situation with my 12yr old. Your comment about trying to watch mechanics while catching her is something I struggle with as well. Recently I've been bringing a bucket of balls to the field and filming her throwing to a ghost catcher. Although I'm no expert, it allows me to break the video down in slow motion and better analyze her mechanics....helps her to see it as well. I'll also occasionally text the video to her coach for feedback...particularly when I can't find a flaw, but the pitches remain errant.

 

[heman1202]

Does she actually like softball (or the other sports) or does she just do it to be around friends? If it is the latter then stop paying for lessons until she is serious. Not practicing or wanting to practice at all is a sign that maybe she doesn't enjoy it or at the least doesn't take it seriously.

I think most have just glossed over that you said she gets little playing time on a high B team. Maybe she needs a different team where she is getting playing time. Another team where she is pitching in games. That can also be a motivator to go out and practice while constantly sitting the bench can certainly demotivate someone. Maybe she found a way to accept sitting on the bench and that is by not caring and not practicing because maybe she thinks it won't matter.

 

[HasBeenorNeverWas]

Does she actually like softball (or the other sports) or does she just do it to be around friends? If it is the latter then stop paying for lessons until she is serious. Not practicing or wanting to practice at all is a sign that maybe she doesn't enjoy it or at the least doesn't take it seriously.

I think most have just glossed over that you said she gets little playing time on a high B team. Maybe she needs a different team where she is getting playing time. Another team where she is pitching in games. That can also be a motivator to go out and practice while constantly sitting the bench can certainly demotivate someone. Maybe she found a way to accept sitting on the bench and that is by not caring and not practicing because maybe she thinks it won't matter.

She says she likes them, and I think she does. I think she likes being a part of something....haven't figured out if she doesn't care about being good OR if maybe she doesn't really believe in herself that she does have potential.....

The high B team is a new team, and she swore she would be dedicated to and work at home. She does get playing time in each game usually, but not quite as much as most the other girls. I coached her team before, we were a rec team that played in tournaments. She wanted to move to a better team and I finally let her, yet still no work ethic.