Last High School Game for a 2022; Need to Vent

[CoachJD]

I haven't posted here in a while. My wife, who is the OP, suggested that I read this. It's a little frustrating to read through all of this. Half of the people are sympathetic, and half of the people are just being belligerent.

Or people just disagree. Nobody in this entire thread has been even remotely belligerent toward her.

But whatever - coaches gonna coach. The problem which my wife didn't really articulate very well is that the crucial season-long coaching error here is at 3B. 3B is a huge liability to the team. She's a freshman, too. Cannot field sharply-hit balls, and cannot make a consistent throw to 1B. Leads the teams in errors - almost all of them on throws to 1B - one in the dirt, one into the dugout. Over and over again. The 3B's backup is the freshman catcher. So this is getting into some 3-D chess, but coach can solve all of her infield problems by moving freshman C to 3B, moving our daughter behind the plate, and putting the current 3B at DP (she has a good bat). It was the obvious solution, and the coach actually played that configuration several times over the season, and those were our best defensive games. The coach just couldn't see it. This is not an exaggeration - she didn't see it.

In less than five seconds, I can think of one logical (maybe not good) reason for this: The coach has two Freshmen and a Senior. After the controversial final game, only those two Freshmen remain. One of them is a catcher who isn't a great catcher, but a pretty good 3B. Still, she's the catcher going forward unless the coach gets a gift from the catcher gods. Can't count on that. The other struggles at 3B, but since the other 3B has to catch, she's all they have.

It seems to me it's absolutely vital that these two players develop at those two positions for the team to have success in the future. They're not going to develop if they don't play. Now, should the coach have played them in those spots in key situations? Probably not, but I have, at this point, honestly forgotten what the defensive alignment was in the final game. So it's entirely possible I think the coach goofed specifically, but I can see potential reasoning for the season-long plan.

Maybe that's not the plan. I don't know. You don't either. But let's not act like the coach is clueless when there's a completely reasonable possibility.

So with all of this as backdrop, we enter into this final series that we have to win. Our daughter, who had been a leader on the field, in the dugout, and in the locker room all season long gets pulled in her very last at bat so a sophomore with four hits on the season could ground out into a double play. There's nothing about this situation that isn't sh!tty. It was a horrible thing to do to the senior. It was a horrible thing to do to the sophomore who came in to pinch hit. And it was a horrible thing to do to the team.

Why do you think the coach did this? It's tiresome seeing people act like coaches do things for literally no reason whatsoever. There's a reason. It could be a bad one. I'm not defending the decision, but I'm telling you the coach was not trying to lose the game on purpose; the coach was not trying to hurt your DD (nothing in this story sounds like malicious behavior). As others have said, if the sophomore hits a game-winning home run (again, sorry, I forget the specific details and am not sure if the score/situation was actually such that she could have done that), your DD gets more at bats and this doesn't feel like such a slap in the face.

So why do you think the coach did this? You know the players better than any of us do. Put yourself in the position of a coach who is focused on winning (and is not focused/thinking about how this could be a senior's final at bat). Why was the move made?

 

[radness]

This thread has reminded me of how some people will not care to open their other eye.

 

[Westwind]

I agree that people do things for a reason.

Understanding what their motivation is… incredibly important.

When I read this and I ask myself “what is motivating this coach?” and consider the information presented as accurate, what pops into my tiny little brain is “parent”. Maybe “athletic director”. I have this feeling that the coach is having some kind of external pressure applied to demonstrate some willingness to put this kid in a game.

We are all guessing though.

 

[JumboJack]

I agree that people do things for a reason.

Understanding what their motivation is… incredibly important.

When I read this and I ask myself “what is motivating this coach?” and consider the information presented as accurate, what pops into my tiny little brain is “parent”. Maybe “athletic director”. I have this feeling that the coach is having some kind of external pressure applied to demonstrate some willingness to put this kid in a game.

We are all guessing though.

And there is also 100% chance that the coach did not make the decision so he/she could lose the game on purpose and hurt the OP’s feelings.


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[MNDad]

I wasn't trying to say a lack of empathy was a bad thing on its face, but not having experienced a situation makes it easier to dismiss the feelings/experiences of those who have.

For example, I think that most people on this board have kids who are stars. They are very involved and can quote batting averages and strikeout numbers without looking them up. These are kids who have always excelled and probably will through high school. So those parents, of course, are in favor of always playing the best 9 because their kid is almost always part of the best 9. They expect/want/sometimes demand everything be a skills-based meritocracy because their kid always wins in skills-base meritocracies. And they think that skills-based meritocracy is the only thing that matters in sports.

For a lot of sports, that might be true. I just don't think it applies to high school, because I don't think high school sports is about the individual or even the team. It's about the community. I know that's not a popular sentiment, but I think it's true.

And the reason I say that is because my kid is not a star, so that's the perspective I have. I think being a part of a program should be rewarded. I think three years of effort and practice and fundraising should be rewarded, not discounted. I think leadership matters -- and when someone tells me they know plenty of freshmen leaders, I say that's fine, but do you also know plenty of seniors and juniors who will follow a freshman? I don't know many 18-year-old young women who will look at a 14-year-old girl and say "hey, let's do what she says!" So I think there's a place on teams and in games for the kids who are out there giving it all they can every practice, being a good teammate, cheering on their friends, keeping score, practicing hard. I think that work should be rewarded. They don't have to start, but they should play when they can. There's a reason we all cry at the end of Rudy, right?

But that's my perspective as a parent of a kid who isn't better than everyone else. It's no less or more valid, it's just different.

There are also a lot of coaches -- both active and retired -- who tend to see things from a coach's perspective, and have dealt with enough asshole parents that they take any criticism of a coach with multiple grains of salt. They probably see coaches as under-appreciated more often than not, so when people start complaining about anything regarding coaches behavior, they defend the coach, sometimes to the extreme, but almost always to the margins. Because that's their perspective. What's important is the game, or "softball" as a concept. That's important and I appreciate them, but they can be quick to overlook that these are young girls and young women we're talking about. There are emotional components to all of this stuff that have to be considered.

Because ever since she started playing softball, she wanted to play for the high school. She put in four years for the program and she wanted a senior day, she wanted a senior season. Wanted to play with the girls she'd been playing in and around for a decade. She was willing to put up with a lot in order to have those experiences. We talked a lot about what the season would be like -- that there was a decent chance the coach would cut her. She was brave enough to give it a shot. She was tough enough to put up with a degree of humiliation from someone who went out of their way to embarrass her. She followed the coach's instructions. Then the coach, her bluff called, changed the rules.

I disagree about so-called stars. They’re just as suited to feel empathy in the OP’s situation. The “stars” often go from being one of the best to one of the worst on their travel teams. They also play other sports or have siblings where they’re bench or role players.

Where the OP’s lost me is the constant criticism of their DD’s teammates and making it sound like a personal vendetta by the coach. They didn’t do anything TO their DD. Bad coaching decisions doesn’t mean they were out to get anyone. Especially in the case of something as benign as putting in a pinch hitter.

 

[El Oso]

And there is also 100% chance that the coach did not make the decision so he/she could lose the game on purpose and hurt the OP’s feelings.


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I still haven't heard how the DD had done in her AB's previous to when she was replaced. Had she been hitting lasers or K'ng?

That matters.

 

[Orange Socks]

This thread keeps going in circles. The inexperienced coach made a not so popular move. Sometimes inexperienced coaches make changes, just to make changes not understanding why they are making the changes. For most of us parents that coached, it took literally hundreds and hundreds of games to fully understand the coaching aspect. Kids that played 750 games over their lifetime never had to make a coaching decision and we expect recently graduated players to be able to competently manage a game. They are learning how to coach with our HS kids in real time. We made mistakes at 8u, 10u, 12U, 14U with parents in the stands that are also learning the game. Once our kids get to HS, we have more nuanced understanding of the game. Ever talk to a parent who's kid only played rec ball? Think about the moment when you realize, they have no clue whatsoever. They're still talking about a level swing, get in the back of the box, elbow up, foul it off if you don't like it, keep your eye on the ball, follow through on your pitch, just throw strikes, etc. I know it's not the same as a paid HS coach but it can be really close depending on your area.

The coach that slighted my DD at the sports banquet, had only coached for 1 year prior to her taking over the coaching role. It's gonna take her many years to figure out her coaching style, parent management, game management, line ups, fundraising, educratic red tape, unwritten rules for Senior leadership (never take a Sr out of the line for last ever AB), practice plans, blah blah.

The closer I get to the end of my DD's softball journey, I am realizing that I am starting to care less and less about the softball stuff. I am more concerned about her class schedule, that needed summer internship for graduation, BF management, ideas for Halloween costumes---No! Don't dye your hair black!, meal recipes, apt rent, Sunday Facetime calls, Christmas job, etc.

 

[radness]

This thread keeps going in circles. The inexperienced coach made a not so popular move. Sometimes inexperienced coaches make changes, just to make changes not understanding why they are making the changes. For most of us parents that coached, it took literally hundreds and hundreds of games to fully understand the coaching aspect. Kids that played 750 games over their lifetime never had to make a coaching decision and we expect recently graduated players to be able to competently manage a game. They are learning how to coach with our HS kids in real time. We made mistakes at 8u, 10u, 12U, 14U with parents in the stands that are also learning the game. Once our kids get to HS, we have more nuanced understanding of the game. Ever talk to a parent who's kid only played rec ball? Think about the moment when you realize, they have no clue whatsoever. They're still talking about a level swing, get in the back of the box, elbow up, foul it off if you don't like it, keep your eye on the ball, follow through on your pitch, just throw strikes, etc. I know it's not the same as a paid HS coach but it can be really close depending on your area.

The coach that slighted my DD at the sports banquet, had only coached for 1 year prior to her taking over the coaching role. It's gonna take her many years to figure out her coaching style, parent management, game management, line ups, fundraising, educratic red tape, unwritten rules for Senior leadership (never take a Sr out of the line for last ever AB), practice plans, blah blah.

The closer I get to the end of my DD's softball journey, I am realizing that I am starting to care less and less about the softball stuff. I am more concerned about her class schedule, that needed summer internship for graduation, BF management, ideas for Halloween costumes---No! Don't dye your hair black!, meal recipes, apt rent, Sunday Facetime calls, Christmas job, etc.

That is perspective feedback from a person who is acknowledging
there are multiple reasons things happen.

Simply not all use multiple perspective'S in sorting through life.
Learning curves with different angles
And thinking with different goals.