Is there ANY room for crying in softball?

[briand]

I help coach by DD 10U rec team and we have had these same issues. Girls will start crying after a strikeout or groundout. I agreee that often this comes down to parents and even us coaches putting a lot of pressure on these girls.

One problem we have is how the other girls react to the crying. Some are compassionate and try to get the girl "up" and others say it's stupid which only compounds the problem. How do your other players act toward the "cryer"? Should there be repurcussions for their actions?

 

[redhotcoach]

I can't stand it either... it is one my dd's that is the cryer, but only after strike outs. It has gotten better in the last month, but I can't say anything about batting to her during the game. We were talking on the way home last night and she told me that she is really nervous up to bat. She gets hits, but not like in practice, and even then she almost cries from the build up of nerves. I asked why she is so nervous, is it the crowd watching..."no, it is getting hit by a pitch." I said "you have been hit by three pitches so far this season, did they hurt bad?" She said "no, but they were all in the legs." She really has alot of negative self talk about batting and I think builds up her own emotions extremely high.
Now, pitching, she can have a bad night and you would never know it, it doesn't bother her.
I also coach her sister who made a mistake at first last week that I probably overreacted to, she looked over at me in the dugout, smiled, giggled a little and said "enough already."
My point is that some girls are just really emotional and probably can't help it.

 

[sluggers]

My point is that some girls are just really emotional and probably can't help it.

Exactly. She should try to do something more manly when she is upset--like take a bat to a Gatorade machine.

(Gatorade Machine after being Zambrano-ized)

 

[Cannonball]

Early on, we knew our dd was wired somewhat differently. She had a hard time accepting traits in her teammates. That is not to say that she is perfect. However, we worked with her to have class on the field and in public. We also made sure that when she was in the car, she could cry. She has done so well with this. We have also said that once she leaves that car, everything stays there and she is either a player again returning to play or a kid at home.

BTW, she cried the other day after her team was eliminated from the high school tournament. She was doing well and then walked up and gave me a hug and lost it. I'm proud of her for having that much invested in her season that it hurts that much to lose.

 

[redhotcoach]

Early on, we knew our dd was wired somewhat differently. She had a hard time accepting traits in her teammates. That is not to say that she is perfect. However, we worked with her to have class on the field and in public. We also made sure that when she was in the car, she could cry. She has done so well with this. We have also said that once she leaves that car, everything stays there and she is either a player again returning to play or a kid at home.

BTW, she cried the other day after her team was eliminated from the high school tournament. She was doing well and then walked up and gave me a hug and lost it. I'm proud of her for having that much invested in her season that it hurts that much to lose.

Thanks, great idea on the car thing. I don't mind her crying over something big, just not after every other strike out. We have been having lots of two way discussions about having a good positive attitude toward herself and others, she says she wants to but can't help it. We just tell her it will just take some and work on both our parts.

Sounds like you did a great job raising your daughter, be proud!

 

[alexander58]

The crying thing is a combination of raw emotion and self-pity. I don't know the answer, but I do know anyone who thinks their daughter "feels bad because she let the team down" is missing the boat. She feels sorry for herself.

 

[KAT]

crying

I disagree some girls cry because they expect so much of themselves and feel they let their teamates down. I have been lucky only one girl and although she has cried before its never at the field, or practice its in private. And its never been about striking out, thats part of the game but missing a play or something like that she might shed a few tears.

Now my son was a crier...cried about a lot of things, mostly frustration.

 

[drc9805]

I have at least one girl exactly like that. Others will get upset but they don't show the attitude and refuse to act like they care. She is very good and could be awesome if she would stay positive but she will put the frown on, isolate herself, and not do anything you ask her to do in the field. I'm always telling her how good she is so it's not a lack of filling up her tank. I think she is just the baby of the house and always gets her way. It does totally kill a team's morale. I have talked with her and her parents and for one game she will be great then poof back to her old ways.

 

[calgofo]

Lots of good advice here. I coached for 17 years from t-ball to gold and always had to deal with it at some level,including with my own DD. I finally decided to adopt the "hope-you-got-a-nice-view-up-there-in-the-stands" approach. I remember watching my DD in college at a national pre-season tournament, had a bad inning, got through it. After the inning was over I looked over at the dugout and sure enough what did I see...... But at least by the time she was at that level she could wait till she got to the dugout.

DD called me the other night about the team she was helping coach and she had a crier and she said she sent her to the stands. I couldn't resist the "pot-calling-the-kettle-black-moment"

 

[stephanie]

You guys are harsh.
Sending a girl to the stands because she cried? Are you kidding me? Other than the fact that these are girls we're talking about, they are also just kids. (My perspective is 10U...I'm hoping yours are all much older) My players have cried a few times..in a championship game when she tagged the runner out but the ump didn't see it, and called her safe...when bases were loaded and my best hitter was struck out by a low pitch...a catcher throwing the ball back too soft to my pitcher which then popped up and smacked her in the lips...etc, etc.
Sometimes they just cry. What I find is that if you've built a team, the other girls will help her get over it pretty fast. And then the game goes on...