Insight welcome on approaching HC

[Razor011]

Good evening! I’ll try to keep it short, forgive me if i get long winded!

DD plays on a strong travel team in the area. We joined the team at the beginning of the season to grow as a player by playing with stronger girls and against stronger competition than where we were at the time. Our big season finale tournament is coming up soon and we recently played in a last minute tournament “in preparation” for the big one. Game day comes and we are short a player (since this was a last minute add to the schedule, one girl had already committed to playing pick up with another team). So, we took 10, 1 of which being a pick up player to our team for the day.

I fully understand the need for pick up players and welcome them. Admittedly, I also love to win and expect the best players on the field. However, DD sat the bench the majority of the day. We played 6 games on the day and she saw playing time, maybe 6 innings total. Afterwards, it was mentioned several times how this tournament was for preparation for our big one. I got to thinking, DD has invested time and effort and we payed the entry fee just like everyone else on the team. But, I don’t feel like DD got any “preparation” from this particular experience.

As a side note, as her parents we never initiate conversations about playing time with the coach. DD always starts those with him. We will join in their conversations at times when it is not during active tournament time, never during the tournament day, etc. She again asked him at the tournament in question and his response was “her time would come, she would get there.” I guess my question is, if a prep tournament isn’t time, when is? (Pick up player played every inning, which again, I have no problem with as we have been on both sides of the card. We appreciate them giving their time so that the team can play.

Honest feedback is much appreciated. DD’s confidence is taking a MAJOR hit and it’s affecting her greatly. I just need advice on how to approach the subject.

 

[DNeeld]

From the coach's comments, it sounds like he thinks she is still developing. 6 innings over 6 games for a developing player on a strong travel team isn't bad. That said, if this was the preparation tournament, you probably just got a preview of how much your DD is going to play in the season finale.

Bottom line is playing time is often an issue in travel ball. If your DD is waiting her turn for too long or isn't being given a chance, or if her confidence is under siege, its probably time to find a new team.

More directly with your question, the best way to approach the subject is to have your DD start a conversation with the coach and find out what he is looking for in her to get more playing time.

 

[Razor011]

Thank you for your response.

I totally don’t anticipate much playing time at all at the big tournament, unfortunately. I have asked her if she wants to try a different team and she does not. She enjoys the girls she is with now and they all get along beautifully, as do the parents.

What i really want to discuss with him is to simply believe in her and let her know that you believe in her. For example, in the first inning of the first pool game, she fumbled the first 2 hits in the field. We played up an age group and these were much older girls. Immediately, she was pulled off her position and the remainder of the game she was benched.

A later game was against a team that we drilled to the point of pulling runners off the base early for the outs. Yet...still on the bench.

When I have been in discussions she has initiated with him he told her that if she would invest the effort he would commit to her as well. And we have done so. It’s not playing time I am asking for. She can earn that on her own and knows that what it takes. I just want her to see that as the coach that selected her from try outs for the team, that he believes in her.

I appreciate you taking the time to respond!

 

[murphdog]

Does she normally play so few innings in a weekend? Also what age group?
If this is how it always is I’d have a heart to heart with your DD about finding a team where she will play more innings.
If she’s already talked to the coach about this more than once and nothing has changed I’m doubtful that it ever will

 

[justanotherguy]

If she's fine with her place on the team, but wants more PT, then she needs to ask the coach what SHE needs to do in order to achieve more PT. Then, she and you need to work together outside of team practice to achieve that. Again, this is up to her and where she sits on the team, not you. I also applaud you for letting it be her decision and her conversation with the coach.

 

[MadBandit22]

Good evening! I’ll try to keep it short, forgive me if i get long winded!

DD plays on a strong travel team in the area. We joined the team at the beginning of the season to grow as a player by playing with stronger girls and against stronger competition than where we were at the time. Our big season finale tournament is coming up soon and we recently played in a last minute tournament “in preparation” for the big one. Game day comes and we are short a player (since this was a last minute add to the schedule, one girl had already committed to playing pick up with another team). So, we took 10, 1 of which being a pick up player to our team for the day.

I fully understand the need for pick up players and welcome them. Admittedly, I also love to win and expect the best players on the field. However, DD sat the bench the majority of the day. We played 6 games on the day and she saw playing time, maybe 6 innings total. Afterwards, it was mentioned several times how this tournament was for preparation for our big one. I got to thinking, DD has invested time and effort and we payed the entry fee just like everyone else on the team. But, I don’t feel like DD got any “preparation” from this particular experience.

As a side note, as her parents we never initiate conversations about playing time with the coach. DD always starts those with him. We will join in their conversations at times when it is not during active tournament time, never during the tournament day, etc. She again asked him at the tournament in question and his response was “her time would come, she would get there.” I guess my question is, if a prep tournament isn’t time, when is? (Pick up player played every inning, which again, I have no problem with as we have been on both sides of the card. We appreciate them giving their time so that the team can play.

Honest feedback is much appreciated. DD’s confidence is taking a MAJOR hit and it’s affecting her greatly. I just need advice on how to approach the subject.

Tough spot. I haven’t experienced this but I have seen other families go through it. The regular rostered players should get the majority of the innings. Like you mentioned good prep time for upcoming tournaments. The guest players should just be there to supplement the needs of the team.
This is a little different from your case but I have seen a certain organization in order to win tournaments bring in players from older teams and sit the regular players on the team. Winning shouldn’t be the only motivation. It should also be about developing talent and doing things the right way. If my kid is paying full tuition and sitting while a guest player is soaking-up all the innings I would have an issue with that especially on Saturdays.
Your time will come isn’t a good enough answer. Explain to me what your thinking and have me understand why it’s best for me to sit & watch.

 

[Razor011]

If she's fine with her place on the team, but wants more PT, then she needs to ask the coach what SHE needs to do in order to achieve more PT. Then, she and you need to work together outside of team practice to achieve that. Again, this is up to her and where she sits on the team, not you. I also applaud you for letting it be her decision and her conversation with the coach.

Thank you. When the team takes a loss on a game that she isn’t in the field she is understandably frustrated. But as parents, when they are celebrating a victory, sometimes I don’t feel like we contributed to that either and that hurts. I pray she doesn’t ever feel that way!

When she initiates the conversations, i usually let her go and start it. Later on i will mosey my way down and let them continue and then follow up with specific questions so that the 3 of us are in full understanding of what was discussed.

 

[Razor011]

Does she normally play so few innings in a weekend? Also what age group?
If this is how it always is I’d have a heart to heart with your DD about finding a team where she will play more innings.
If she’s already talked to the coach about this more than once and nothing has changed I’m doubtful that it ever will

If all 10 girls are there, this is the norm. We have played some weekends with just 9 and battled through to championships just fine against some of the strongest teams in the tournament. She has been the game winning hitter in these and will rise to the challenge most times when given the opportunity.

This is first year 12u. This past tournament we played up against 14u teams. I fear that nothing will change as well. For example, i don’t know how many times i have had to remind him that she has experience at these positions that he says she’s developing for.

Also, on a side note. We do have a few girls who live out of town. Due to their distance, they aren’t at team practices and are doing their own work at home or with teams that are local to them. Again, I have no issues with playing time. But on that particular note, when you have someone at every practice and extra sessions, you are obviously going to see them make more mistakes than the ones who aren’t practicing in your view. If that makes sense.

 

[justanotherguy]

Thank you. When the team takes a loss on a game that she isn’t in the field she is understandably frustrated. But as parents, when they are celebrating a victory, sometimes I don’t feel like we contributed to that either and that hurts. I pray she doesn’t ever feel that way!

When she initiated the conversations, i usually let her go and start it. Later on i will mosey my way down and let them continue and then follow up with specific questions so that the 3 of us are in full understanding of what was discussed.

I don't know what level you're at (8u-18u) but as a parent, it's dang hard sometimes to sit back and let your DD make decisions. We've seen so many sides of people from manipulative to well meaning. If your DD is willing to have those conversations then you're already ahead of the game and congrats to you for raising her well. I think the best thing you can do is help her know the difference between well meaning and deceptive, and when to move on if her goals aren't being met. With that being said, what are her goals? If it's to have fun and be with her friends, then maybe those are already being met. If it's to play for a D1 school then maybe they aren't. Help her weigh the options. My DD just made a move to a new team and it feels good to see her happy, but also make new strides towards her goals.

 

[murphdog]

The way this reads to me is that she is player 10 and if he has his best 9 or his best 8 plus a guest your DD doesn’t play.
If he’s not willing to take a chance on her after almost an entire season that likely won’t change next year either.