I love coaching, but my daughter hates me.

[cvsoftball]

I'm working on my 3rd DD as a coach. been there, done that, came to this - doesn't matter if you're her team coach or her personal coach, you are her COACH, not her parent. once this relationship is fully established and accepted by both parties, then the interactions become impersonal and the decision to do what's best for the team or player becomes easier. fine tequila helps, too.

 

[Fluid Fastpitch]

Just gonna say that there are a bunch of 8u and 10u teams that could use a seasoned hand to get them going on the right foot. It's different, but also rewarding. It's especially rewarding to mentor the next generation of coaches that are going to take the teams up through the years.

 

[justAdad2]

I coached DD for one season any mistake she made in the field or at bat was my fault. glad i stopped. she plays better with nonparent coaches and it has made us closer than ever. when she goes off to college i will coach a local 10u or 12u team and give something back.

 

[Pitchcaller]

I mean deep down I am sure she loves me, but she is a teenager now and is 100% right about everything while I am 100% wrong about everything... 100%of the time; there is no flexibility. It makes me hurt so much before every practice, every lesson, and every game at this point.

I feel like I have to quit being her coach, right?

But coaching just makes me feel so happy. I mean, it gives me such an all around good feeling to be able to help a group of girls get better at something they love (and have fun doing while doing it). My goal is to always make it fun, and always make it about them.... and I feel so good about it when I do.

But my daughter though... man I can do no right in her eyes, and I am more often than not her enemy when it comes to softball anymore. I want more than anything for her to be happy.

Me being her coach does not make her happy.

So...

I have to quit being her coach, right? It's not about be and how I feel... I want it to be for her.

I also coach my daughter's team but don't have this issue any longer, however I did at one point. The single largest change I made to the way I coached was that I no longer coach her. I hand that responsibility off to another assistant. Sure, I still critique what she needs help with however I have someone else bring it to her attention. I then reinforce it later by asking her what she was doing wrong and we discuss it. Our relationship has improved tremendously because there is trust. Trust that I'm not just getting on her and singling her out. She now realizes that all the coaches are on the same page also. Lastly, she is not allowed to call me Dad on the field. The moment we take the field I am coach. It is a simple gesture but shows everyone including the parents and other players that rspect for eachother is paramount. Don't give up coaching, just make some adjustments.

 

[dmcwhinnie]

Way back when I was helping a guy with my son's baseball team we worked out a system where if a situation came up where we needed to talk to one of our kids about something that happened on the field that I would talk to his son and he would talk to mine. I know we talking about girls here and they can be a little bit different (they seem to get their feelings hurt more easily.) I agree that you have to really be smart with the way that you correct them. I think the guy that said that he keeps score and scouts the other team might have the right idea. Plus he is still coaching her old travel team and the HS team. I think that you have a lot to think about and alot of people have given good advice. I know this, even at age 73 when I go to my granddaughter's games I still find myself drawn in by the games and the situations sometimes I might even get alittle too drawn in. I try to work with my granddaughter during the week pitching BP and working on fielding and throwing. Good luck in your choice.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Coach some little girls. Then, your DD will end up helping you.
Talk to her about respect. My husband never let the kids run over me, so to speak.
I do the same with my adult daughter. If my granddaughter is being awful, to her mom, I step in.

 

[2024dad]

I mean deep down I am sure she loves me, but she is a teenager now and is 100% right about everything while I am 100% wrong about everything... 100%of the time; there is no flexibility. It makes me hurt so much before every practice, every lesson, and every game at this point.

I feel like I have to quit being her coach, right?

But coaching just makes me feel so happy. I mean, it gives me such an all around good feeling to be able to help a group of girls get better at something they love (and have fun doing while doing it). My goal is to always make it fun, and always make it about them.... and I feel so good about it when I do.

But my daughter though... man I can do no right in her eyes, and I am more often than not her enemy when it comes to softball anymore. I want more than anything for her to be happy.

Me being her coach does not make her happy.

So...

I have to quit being her coach, right? It's not about be and how I feel... I want it to be for her.

This is your future
1) new comfortable chair
2)new tent
3)new cooler
4)new experience watching your DD ( and it’s going to be great )

 

[Jaysus]

1) new comfortable chair

lol, I did spend most of the fall season checking out other parents chairs as mine is in need of an upgrade.

 

[Henry]

I gave up coaching my DD when she was a second year 14u. We were battling everyday and it started to affect things at home. I felt it better to step aside and let someone else take the reigns. She moved to 18u the next year and I was asked by the travel coach to be her assistant and I said "No". I told her that it had been a tough few years and I thought it was best for me to step back. The next season the coach asked again in front of my daughter and again I said "No". My DD got upset and on the way home she asked me to please say yes, she missed me being in the dugout and on the field. I did say yes and we made a pact that on the field I was her coach and everywhere else I was just "Dad". It has been working well ever since. She will be going off to play in college in the Fall and I will probably continue to coach her old travel team.

 

[Coach_DPR]

I mean deep down I am sure she loves me, but she is a teenager now and is 100% right about everything while I am 100% wrong about everything... 100%of the time; there is no flexibility. It makes me hurt so much before every practice, every lesson, and every game at this point.

I feel like I have to quit being her coach, right?

But coaching just makes me feel so happy. I mean, it gives me such an all around good feeling to be able to help a group of girls get better at something they love (and have fun doing while doing it). My goal is to always make it fun, and always make it about them.... and I feel so good about it when I do.

But my daughter though... man I can do no right in her eyes, and I am more often than not her enemy when it comes to softball anymore. I want more than anything for her to be happy.

Me being her coach does not make her happy.

So...

I have to quit being her coach, right? It's not about be and how I feel... I want it to be for her.

You don’t have to quit coaching. Just coach a different team. Let her be coached by a different coach and she’ll find out quick how good of a Coach you are.
She needs to find her own way and discover the level of passion she has for the sport for herself. That is the best gift you can give.
I recommend easing off working with her one on one and maybe catching for her once a week and letting her know how much that time means to you so that she knows it is your way of connecting with her. Then doing something that she likes to connect with you. Could be getting mani’s. pedi’s together or going for hike together... whatever. This builds trust beyond softball and could potentially circle back to softball and resuming a role as her coach in the future.
It sucks initially and can be difficult at times but is part of her becoming an individual on the Sball field and life.
Sorry if this sounds too preachy but wish I had someone tell me this when my dd became a teen.