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I love coaching, but my daughter hates me.

Sep 29, 2014
2,384
83
At 12U I made a deal with my asst coach our daughter were both stubborn my played mostly OF and his P and IF so he coached the OF and I did IF. Basically we would interact with our DD as least amount possible during practice. He trusted me and I trusted him and our DD were OK with listening and taking instruction from anyone else so it worked out for a couple years.
 
May 24, 2013
11,231
113
So Cal
A sort-of related story...

My DD has been playing TB for 5 years. We have spent many hundreds of hours in the car together, going to and from practices, lessons, games, and out-of-state tournaments. Sometimes we talk. We always listen to music. With the CV19 quarantine, I pretty much expected that she would want to stay away from me as much as possible. Surprisingly, the opposite has been true. We've gotten in the habit of playing cards together - sometimes for hours, and always listening to music. Any time I make a run out to a store, she wants to go, even if she doesn't get out of the car. I haven't pushed softball at all, but she asks to throw or hit a couple times a week. It's been really nice. Being just "dad" is just fine.
 
Aug 1, 2019
151
43
Another risk of coaching DD: I was AC on her team, HC couldn't make it to one tourney so I filled in as HC. DD was letting some typical teenage personal stuff affect her play. I benched her. Fortunately she understood she didn't have her head in the game and was playing crappy so she didn't take it out on me.
 
Oct 2, 2018
175
43
Georgia
Its crazy to me how we can be experts in our profession and study thousands of hours to help our DDs become better at softball, yet at home we know nothing. I am the most laid back guy but I am obsessed with finding out answers to a problems. When i find the answers, I like to condense it to as few words as possible then share. However with my daughter its too many words even if its 2 sentences.
One hack that has helped tremendously during me coaching her pitching is Rick Pauly dog clicker training. Mainly because i explain quickly then we dont talk until we move on from the lesson, working on one correction per session.
She is only 11 hormones are starting to come into play. I have told her from day 1 that our relationship is more important than softball.
Its nice to be able to come to this forum and learn from what others are going through.
My theme song before me and DD go out to the park
Watch "Stick Figure – "All for You"" on YouTube
 
Apr 8, 2019
19
3
My daughter has yet to be coached by a dad with a kid on the team. If you like it that much, coach a team without her. Depending on her age, she could help.
 

Vertigo

Jersey Girl
May 27, 2013
670
63
This is so

This is so common and happens all the time. Usually one of two things happen.
1) Coaches kids get preferred treatment and have too much say in what goes on with team.
2) Parent coach pushes his kid too hard and they resent it and him.
Don‘t forget #3 - parent coaches who want to be the exact opposite of #1 and their own kid misses opportunities.

I gave up coaching dd after 14U. She and I would just give each other death stares when I‘d call her pitches, plus it was time for her to move on to a true showcase team. I also had to move on from being her pitching coach from ages 7-11. She needed a new voice and someone who could teach her and not have to catch her at the same time.

I enjoy the sidelines much more now. Love just taking the whole game in. I also assist with the recruiting part. I truly enjoy meeting the college coaches and helping our players get recruited. I’ve met a lot of wonderful people through the recruiting process.
 
Nov 26, 2010
4,348
113
Michigan
Been there. I remember her 8th grade basketball coach (whose dd played softball with mine) He pulled me aside one day and said "I think our lives would be a lot easier if you could coach my dd basketball and I coach your dd softball" So you know, this isn't a you thing, or your DD. Its just the way it goes for many parent coaches.

Just because you no longer coach your DD doesn't mean you have to give up coaching softball.
 
Jul 12, 2019
13
3
I mean deep down I am sure she loves me, but she is a teenager now and is 100% right about everything while I am 100% wrong about everything... 100%of the time; there is no flexibility. It makes me hurt so much before every practice, every lesson, and every game at this point.

I feel like I have to quit being her coach, right?

But coaching just makes me feel so happy. I mean, it gives me such an all around good feeling to be able to help a group of girls get better at something they love (and have fun doing while doing it). My goal is to always make it fun, and always make it about them.... and I feel so good about it when I do.

But my daughter though... man I can do no right in her eyes, and I am more often than not her enemy when it comes to softball anymore. I want more than anything for her to be happy.

Me being her coach does not make her happy.

So...

I have to quit being her coach, right? It's not about be and how I feel... I want it to be for her.
When I coached, I hardly ever instructed my kid. I had the assistant coach/instruct them. Does your daughter hate that you're yelling at her or hate that you are "in her space/softball field.
 

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