I love coaching, but my daughter hates me.

[Eric F]

@Jaysus The DFP community can often disagree on a lot of topics. Sometimes we disagree pretty strongly. This is a rare moment of unanimous consent.

 

[Rolling Hard]

Sorry, I skipped ahead without reading all the post. Are you the HC? or AC? How does your leaving effect the whole team? Will she need to join another team? What age are we talking about? How good of a player is she? Pitcher? Where is mom in this whole thing?
If she will have to find a new team it will have to be a team that you have confidence in the coaching. Otherwise it opens a whole new can of worms.
Have mom take her to other teams tryouts. Two or three each weekend. You take a back seat. See what happens.

 

[rslaubaugh]

Yes time to give up coaching your DD. I bet your local rec league would love to have a skilled volunteer if you need to get your coaching fix ;-)

 

[RichK]

With my older daughter I handed her off to 'better' coaches at 14U. It went well, she played at a level I couldn't take her to at that time. I watched, learned from the best coaches and teams in our area and went down to start over again at 10U to coach my other daughter. I love to coach too. With my younger daughter, we had a special group of players and coaches on her team that stayed together all the way through 18u, college exposure, PGF Nationals, etc. I think we were very unusual. I almost never instructed my younger daughter directly, I let our head coach handle it. I never criticized her in the car (I did to my older daughter, couldn't help it the parent pressure can be high in high level travel). But with my younger daughter we kept things positive, she played the way she played (which was good but not great, so what?) and worked as hard as SHE wanted (which was as a good teammate but not as hard as I might have liked on a personal level, but hey it was HER career, not mine). I stayed AWAY from the parent sidelines (which is the WORST place to be) and spent every moment with her in the car, dugout and field enjoying ourselves all across the country. It was terrific. She had a great career, team did great, we have great memories. It can be done, but you really have to work at it and even then it may not work. Good luck.

(and oh btw, I let her have her high school career ALL to herself. I sat high up in the bleachers was friendly with other parents but never talked softball with them and never said one thing good or bad about her coach or team other than nice game, good job....that was hard but worth it too).

(and one more thing, the younger one played high level volleyball too, which I had absolutely ZERO to do with. that helped too to give her space)

 

[Jaysus]

Thank you all. I drafted my resignation letter and will turn it in after an unofficial practice I'm running tonight with the girls from our rec league.

I'm sad, but I'm also grateful for an opportunity to focus on being the best dad I can be.

ETA: I am an assistant coach, but we all pretty much are at this point and some unfortunate circumstances resulted in the head coach leaving over the winter.

 

[BT3100]

Agree with your decision and most of the feedback. I played ice hockey in college but as a kid only played one season of baseball. My father wasn't a baseball fan so we didn't grow up playing but I loved baseball. I grew up less than a mile from the Vet (Phillies stadium).
When DD started playing soffball I would help when I could but knew I was overmatched so I placed her on the best teams she could make. When she turned 14 I was asked to assist with coaching her team and you know how that goes, from tossing soft toss to coaching bases.. it spirals and so does the parent child relationship. Simultaneously I became passionate about softball pitching and since DD wanted to pitch I dove in and learned all I could. Sometimes I tried to offer help when I saw an obvious issue but as a parent you know how that goes. No teenager wants that help from a parent. Now DD helps coach 10-12 year olds with pitching during the winter and I help with that. Sometimes she's surprised at what dad knows and now I think at 17 she sees that I can add value and she listens to my suggestions. That said I wont ever help coach her again. It's so much better to pay someone to tell them what you would tell them. That's hard but necessary.

 

[tim_s]

as someone else said, i've always had someone else work with my kid, especially when it was one on one stuff......we had a blip back in 12 or 1st year 14........funny thing is i volunteered with her HS team, and frosh year i missed a day, and she had a rough one.......and on the ride home she told me she liked it better when i was there lol......we got through the rough spot, and now we talk softball more than ever.....(1st year 16 now)......it's not easy, but the time we've spent together over the past 7 years has been, for the most part, great

 

[uncdrew]

I'm guessing your community could use another good coach somewhere? A different travel team? Rec league?

Do you love coaching enough to coach a team that doesn't have your daughter on it? If so, that may be a great answer. Heck, your DD could even come with you and help run practices, giving you two time together on the field but in a more healthy and happy dynamic.

 

[_MIA_]

I have 2 other young kids who need my money as well so I am not going to spend money on instruction which I can give myself . I've told DD if she wants to improve she will have to deal with my 1 on 1 instruction...

 

[radness]

Jaysus,
Great job being a parent who is paying attention!
As others have mentioned can opt to coach another team as you shared enjoying that.
This is something parents go through with their kids, so your not alone.
Be her biggest fan!
Remember,
You will always be dad!