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how to help DD be the leader the team needs.

May 6, 2015
1,131
63
DD moved (yet again, old 12u team moved to 14u for 2020) to new team, mostly 2008s (she is 2007). she had guest played for them before in 10u, they are part of same org she was in a couple of years ago in 10u, but a that point she was on team with primarily 2007s

when we tried out, it was pretty proforma, coaches wanted her. at end of first tryout, they made standard speech to parents there, couple of more tryouts, then we will be in touch, then as we were walking away, calls DW and me aside, and says she is starting C if she joins. during subsequent discussions with coaches, they indicated that they are looking for DD to take a leadership role, especially with the other two Cs (one of whom is 2009, and has been told they will see little time at C) to help them develop. they asked her to come to the rest of tryouts, to see what the other girls had, and to start to set the bar for teammates.

so far, (couple of friendlies, one single day tourney, 7 games in all), DD is trying, but too often, at least during games, she comes off as a little too critical of teammates. don't get me wrong, in general she is doing a great job, and a lot of it is by example (never complaining about where she plays, if she sits, etc., remembering signs). but if they start to make mistakes in games, she sometimes says things a little to harshly.

any suggestions for how to explain to her how to frame her comments to be more constructive than criticizing?
 

Strike2

Allergic to BS
Nov 14, 2014
732
43
Leave the criticism, constructive or otherwise, to the coaches. That's their job.

I've seen more than a few young players trying to take that leadership mantle come off like Tom Brady during a playoff game. Brady can get away with it; he's a HOF QB with a fist full of Superbowl rings who has been a pro longer than some of his team mates have walked without help. He can get after that rookie or even a vet if they're not pulling the load. However, the girls on a 12U ball team are all peers. Yes, some are better than others, but no one has set any DIV I records yet. A tween calling out another just makes enemies all around.

Tell her to lead through example and positive encouragement, not criticism. Hustle on every play and be respectful to coaches, even when they're not looking. Help everyone understand what needs to be done, but don't order people around. Pick team mates up when they're not doing well, and let the coaches do the coaching.
 
Mar 22, 2016
305
43
Southern California
Tell her to lead through example and positive encouragement, not criticism. Hustle on every play and be respectful to coaches, even when they're not looking. Help everyone understand what needs to be done, but don't order people around. Pick team mates up when they're not doing well, and let the coaches do the coaching.
Just came here to prop this comment as a way for your daughter to start to lead.
 
Jul 14, 2018
309
43
This is a great question and there's no easy answer. A few years ago, DD was on a team where the AC's daughter was head and shoulders above everyone else in terms of talent and just raw athletic ability. At some point mid-season, she started barking at the other players, pointing out what they were doing wrong. It seemed obvious to me that her dad spoke to her about being a team leader.

The bottom line is, it can't be forced. Despite being the best player on the team, this girl's sudden interest in calling out teammates who dropped a ball or struck out didn't endear her to anyone. A good leader on a team works hard, gives max effort all the time, and shows confidence in her teammates and humility about her own game.

We've all been around people who are natural leaders. There's something intangible there. Always set a good example and teammates will look to you.
 
Apr 25, 2019
30
8
If your DD is coming off as critical, then just a simple change of content will go a long way. 2 years ago we had a girl that would say things like "come on girls, you got have that" and "come on girls, make good throws".....things like that. Well obviously this is not constructive. My DD, as a catcher, stepped up over the years and would say things like "hey, shake that one off and get the next one". That way she was acknowledging the error but working to get past it. There is a way to get the point across but still build up their teammates.
 

pattar

Clueless..
Jun 8, 2016
3,733
113
At 14U, do your job to the best of your ability and cheer on your teammates. Let the coaches lead (whatever that means...)
 
May 20, 2016
172
28
My DD was team captain last year, voted by the team. As said before she did not critique play on the field, that's the coaches job. Her job was to pick up a girl after an error, get girls out of the dugout between innings and running to their positions. Keep the girls engaged while up to bat and cheering on their team mates. Make sure everyone was paying attention.
 
Oct 5, 2017
108
18
Western Indiana
I would suggest that she be very positive and always point out the extra good plays and the things the other players are doing well. Build a mutual respect and lead by doing all the intangibles. Then when she has their respect she can talk to them about critique more subtly and become a mentor.

With that progression I feel she can be a leader and someone they look to for help. Teens have to respect someone before they will listen to them.
 
Nov 16, 2015
177
18
If your DD is coming off as critical, then just a simple change of content will go a long way. 2 years ago we had a girl that would say things like "come on girls, you got have that" and "come on girls, make good throws".....things like that. Well obviously this is not constructive. My DD, as a catcher, stepped up over the years and would say things like "hey, shake that one off and get the next one". That way she was acknowledging the error but working to get past it. There is a way to get the point across but still build up their teammates.
"Come on" unintentionally one of the most negative phrases in the English Language. Just change those to "Let's Go" and its a whole lot more positive
 

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