How much input do you let your 8U/10U player have....

[cnay33]

We are from a small town and were put together after a few summer all-star runs to get a better fall experience than our local fall leagues could provide for our 2nd year 8U player. That fall season wasn't a complete train wreck. The girls loved it and were competitive enough to move forward to the spring season, and had a FULL and successful tourney season, that because of COVID, extended on throughout the entire summer. I was an AC during this time and after some offensive struggles late in 8U, which I contributed to me being harder on her than I was everyone else, I decided it was best for both of us, for me to step away. I could see the struggles she was having and what was coming in 10U and admittingly her mom and I tried to steer her to step away as well. We laid everything out but left the decision up to her. She chose to stay, put in extra work with a hitting coach, work hard to get better, etc. 10-12 tourneys/40-50 games later, she never got a hit other than an occasional bunt, didn’t want to swing, and it was either walk or strikeout(its 10U, so it was ALOT of walks). After 2 surprise tourneys thrown onto our already full schedule, and a looming offseason program, we again had another discussion. This time we as parents made the decision to step away, and it was heartbreaking for her. I have read post after post eluding to it being their journey not yours, and if they love to play let them, and so on, but how do you let a 9 year old dictate what’s best for her and how it affects the rest of the family of 5. Just looking to see if anyone else was faced with a similar situation and how you handled it.

 

[Towny9]

Did you pull her from more competitive softball or softball as a whole? How was her attitude when she struggled? Was there another reason(s) for pulling her other than the struggles? Is there a less competitive option for her?

 

[cnay33]

We intend on continuing with the hitting lessons throughout the winter, and to go back to city ball in spring, if it makes. She is naturally hard on herself, and IMO too competitive, and she wasnt handling the adversity very well and let it negatively affect her attitude and came across borderline disrespectful when she struggled. Which prompted us to have to parent her, which probably made things worse. The only other reason was schedule. We need organization as a family, and the ever changing schedule made this hard to navigate, with other priorities, other kids, aging parents, etc. There is a less competitive option, but there is no guarantee that it makes. Our city league numbers drop off drastically after t-ball and coach pitch.

 

[Orange Socks]

Sounds like she is not ready for TB. Have fun and put her back in rec league. Let her excel, and build her confidence. My DD did rec league and summer all stars until 8th grade. Today she is 2nd year college player. I think families jump to TB way too early and put too much pressure on the kids to perform. My DD did not have a paid hitting lesson until 8th grade. She played hard and we kept it fun...for the most part.

Think about this. Where your DD is today, is not where she will be 4 years. In 10U Allstar days, I picked up my 12th player because her dad is a great coach asset, and frankly she looked like a player too. She did not do very well AT ALLthat summer. She decided to step away from our league and play church school league. A few years later, I invited her back to play in 14U All stars. She decided to start working on her game and was getting better. Fast forward to HS ball. Her Senior year, she hit 13 HR's! She is now in her 2nd year of playing college ball.

 

[Orange Socks]

Our city league numbers drop off drastically after t-ball and coach pitch.

This is normal. Our league had something like 600 players. Most of which are the 6u/8u divisions. Most parents can't make it past 10U, which is the absolute worst age division. Pitchers are still learning to pitch and they are trying to strikeout the batters. Coach pitcher is trying to groove the absolute best pitch their kid can hit. 12U is when it starts to resemble real softball.

 

[HunterMO]

We try to let DD have as much input as possible as to what she does. Not just with softball but most things that go on in her life. She showed early on that she was more mature than most girls her age. Obviously, as parents DW and I have the final say, but there isn't much with DD that isn't a two-way conversation. Except home chores....DD doesn't have much of a say there -

She's an older 12u player (April birthdate) and has only played rec league, so we discussed moving to travel ball or playing her up in 14u rec. DD is one of the overall better players on her current team (who she's played with since she started two years ago in 10u). But, some of this is due to her mental/physical maturity. So I sat her down during Fall and we had a discussion on what she'd like to do for next year. The coaching staff (myself included) was having to move our first year 12u team to a new club as the one we were under folded. It was either stay with the team for one more year, which will be her last with this HC and team, or go tryout for some other competitive/travel teams in the area for a 14u spot. Either way she'll be playing for her Jr High in Spring.

DD decided to stay with her current HC and team because she enjoys playing with them so much. Which DW and myself were totally okay with. She'll get some extra development from the Jr High team in Spring (the Highschool coaches run Jr High as well). And then play with our team in Summer and Fall. Since HS and AS coaches have built this new team as we want it (last club forced a couple players on us) it "should" be a more competitive and cohesive team. It gives her one more year with her friends while getting plenty of playing time. HC uses her almost exclusively as #2 pitcher, 1B, and (if necessary) at 3B. And DD is always top-half of the order.

We will also allow DD to have input on what teams she tries out for as well as she moves into 14u. I (mostly) trust her decision making and her head/heart are often in the right place. She wants to compete and win, but doesn't have to be on the "best" team. But, as part of the 2-way conversations, sometimes Mom and Dad have to help put DD in uncomfortable positions to help her grow.

 

[uncdrew]

We played several years of rec before moving to travel. It really gives them confidence and keeps the family more sane.

Travel ball really takes over your life and short-changes other kids in the family in many cases. I'm a fan of letting the girls dominate in rec before moving up to travel. When they come to you and say things like "I worry that I might hurt someone when I throw the ball to them"... then you know it's time to move up.

 

[Eric F]

At the end of the day, you have to do what's right for your entire family, and only you can decide what that is. As for softball, even at 8yo, she should have a say-so in her journey, but sometimes we (as parents) need to steer the ship, especially when they are young. Playing at a level of competition where success is difficult tells me that she's likely not ready for that level of play. My DD was 10yo when we made the move to TB. At the time. it was clear that she was ready to play at a higher level than what our rec league offered. I definitely remember lots of tears in the dugout in 8U and 10U by girls who struggled with how to handle failure. It's pretty common at that age. Thankfully, they do tend to grow out of it.

 

[Gags]

10-12 tourneys/40-50 games later

A full summer season that probably ran into August, and then a Fall 10U season that had 10-12 tourneys? She played at least 3 games every weekend in Sept, Oct, and through 1/2 of November, and probably still practiced 2x each week. I wouldn't care how high (or low) her batting average is. I'd care more about "is she getting enough sleep?" "Is she eating healthy on gamedays?" and most importantly "is she still having fun?".

It sounds like it's an independent team - to already have such an intense schedule as 1st-yr 10U's, with a full slate of off-season training, makes me wonder if either the coach(es) are expecting too much, or the team is playing at a much higher level than you (and your daughter) were used to seeing when it was just rec ball.

Like every age bracket, there's a BIG difference b/w a first-year 10U team and a 2nd year team. Missing a season to keep working to get better (and have fun again just playing the game) will likely set her back much less (if at all) than she realizes.

 

[BT3100]

We played a Sunday select (local travel) league at 10U. That demonstrated that our girls were unready for the level of travel ball in our area. After that season we let DD decide if she wanted to play travel and if yes under one condition, she would need to put the work in. At 10 most of the best players are better due to early development, size and sometimes they are just more athletic. This can be a real downer for a late bloomer which DD was. We had great coaches who saw more in her than we did and we bought in. The rest is history as she will be headed off next fall to play in college. The commitment is huge and it is a family commitment. I can see the rigors of that alone being an eliminator for many kids. My advice would be to have her stay in hitting lessons and see if she can guest play a little in spring before making a firm commitment. Be honest with the coaches that you guest with.