How much bench time should I expect?

Welcome to Discuss Fastpitch

Your FREE Account is waiting to the Best Softball Community on the Web.

marriard

Not lost - just no idea where I am
Oct 2, 2011
4,312
113
Florida
Doh, by "talk to the coach" I was thinking of asking him if he wouldn't mind if we missed a few practices to pick up with other teams and try and get more innings.

I'm not sure why wanting more softball innings is ruffling so many feathers. So far we have been rejecting pickup offers in favor of attending practice because I was worried it would affect her playing time. Our current team doesn't play as often as we would like.

She just wants to play more softball.

Ok... so it is ruffling feathers because you keep using 'I' and "we". "I was worried", "We would like". "I have to watch", etc, etc.

It is not about you. It is not you out there - it is her and her journey and game. It is also about everyone else on the team as well - the coaches, the parents, the other players.

You don't miss team practices to basically try out for another team or 'get more innings'. Finish your commitments. Guest on off weekends or off days if you want to. Be upfront that you are doing it. Believe me there will be PLENTY of innings. In fact there will be TOO MANY INNINGS at some point. It isn't a race - it is a journey.

Does she really want to play more softball? Or do you want her to? Young kids often say what they think their parents want to hear. Are you SURE. I over-committed my kid in 12U - she played WAY too many games and yeah, too many innings. She said she was good with it - but she really wasn't. Luckily I realized it before it was too late.

Look - in the end you are on the wrong team. Finish the season out, and move on. But finish the season out first.
 
Jan 5, 2018
385
63
PNW
Ok... so it is ruffling feathers because you keep using 'I' and "we". "I was worried", "We would like". "I have to watch", etc, etc.

It is not about you. It is not you out there - it is her and her journey and game. It is also about everyone else on the team as well - the coaches, the parents, the other players.

You don't miss team practices to basically try out for another team or 'get more innings'. Finish your commitments. Guest on off weekends or off days if you want to. Be upfront that you are doing it. Believe me there will be PLENTY of innings. In fact there will be TOO MANY INNINGS at some point. It isn't a race - it is a journey.

Does she really want to play more softball? Or do you want her to? Young kids often say what they think their parents want to hear. Are you SURE. I over-committed my kid in 12U - she played WAY too many games and yeah, too many innings. She said she was good with it - but she really wasn't. Luckily I realized it before it was too late.

Look - in the end you are on the wrong team. Finish the season out, and move on. But finish the season out first.

PLEASE don't miss her practices...that's HER team. It should come first. Guest on off days...BUT be up front with your coaches about your desires. Some are OK with it others aren't....just the way it is. BUT by not talking to your coaches first you'll do your DD more harm than good. It's a small world and word will travel quick about players that don't honor their commitments.

"She just wants to play more softball." Not saying this isn't your DD....but too many times I've heard this. In fact it wasn't the player but the parent. I've seen it blow up in parents faces when kids just quit...on the spot. The parent is blown away and everyone else around saw it coming for years. I saw a player quit after her first day of HS practice. Mom had bought her a new bat, bat bag, glove, etc etc...kid comes home and quits. Mom is upset. Kid screams "It's not about YOU!" Just make sure you keep it about your DD and not yourself.
 
Jun 11, 2013
2,619
113
If you have a good team you should expect to sit the percentage of innings over 9 players. If you have 12 players everyone 3 players need to sit ever game so you will sit 1 out of 4 games. It's harder if you are the only real short stop or catcher but still as a coach it's nice to give your players a break on Saturday. I never have my best hitters not hit though.

Then only difference is that if you are playing in a tournament that breaks gold and silver up after day one. In those you might have to abandon strategy in order to make the gold on Sunday if you are in a tough pool.
 
May 24, 2013
12,461
113
So Cal
My overall concern is developing my kid as a player and making sure it's fun for her. She HATES sitting on the bench.
Of course she hates it. She wants to be in the action. So does every other girl on her team. Spending a time on the bench is something she will need to learn how to deal with - and do with a good attitude. If she's sitting there moping and disinterested in the game, there's an attitude problem, and future coaches will skip over your DD for that kind of crap. If she's on the fence, engaged in the game, and cheering on her teammates, that's a kid I want on my team. It's awesome that she loves to play and is good at it, but learning to be in it for the team, not just herself, is an important lesson in her development.

I'm just going to have to get used to waking up at 4AM and driving 2 hours to watch my kid sit, and I'm going to have a conversation with her about bench time and why she is sitting.
It sounds to me like you're waking up at 4AM and driving 2 hours to watch your kid PLAY in every game. That's what you have described to us. It also sounds to me like there are likely some of her teammates whose parents are waking up at 4AM and driving 2 hours to watch their kid play a lot less than yours, yet you're happy to squeeze their kid out of even more time if it means your kid benefits from it.

In my DD's second year of 12U ball, we drove 8 hours to Reno for the week-long TCS World Series tournament. My DD was recovering from a broken finger, and couldn't play a single inning. She was very bummed she couldn't play in the team's biggest tournament of the year, but she didn't want to stay home. She wanted to be with her team. She cheered, she fetched bats off the field, and she helped with pre-game warmups. Since my kid is somewhat injury-prone, I've got a number of similar stories...but none with that much driving - LOL.

If she starts getting benched more than 1/3rd of the pool games I'll have a friendly chat with the coach(who I have a very high opinion of) and work something out.
I don't think you get it yet. She's not "getting benched" as a consequence for something she did wrong. I have a strong feeling that your attitude about this is being reflected in her. This is an issue that you need to change, and help her change, too.

I've seen this before. More than a few times. As much as I miss coaching a team, dealing with these kinds of parent attitudes is something I'm happy not to deal with any more. There are coaches of good teams - the kinds of teams you will want your DD to play on in the future - who will skip over talented players because of a selfish attitude. Player or parents.

Players who can bring it on the field are good, but players who can elevate the whole team with their support of their teammates are great. Help your DD learn to be great, and start by being a good example.
 
Last edited:
Oct 29, 2018
10
1
PLEASE don't miss her practices...that's HER team. It should come first. Guest on off days...BUT be up front with your coaches about your desires. Some are OK with it others aren't....just the way it is. BUT by not talking to your coaches first you'll do your DD more harm than good. It's a small world and word will travel quick about players that don't honor their commitments.

"She just wants to play more softball." Not saying this isn't your DD....but too many times I've heard this. In fact it wasn't the player but the parent. I've seen it blow up in parents faces when kids just quit...on the spot. The parent is blown away and everyone else around saw it coming for years. I saw a player quit after her first day of HS practice. Mom had bought her a new bat, bat bag, glove, etc etc...kid comes home and quits. Mom is upset. Kid screams "It's not about YOU!" Just make sure you keep it about your DD and not yourself.

I am not pushing her. She is pushing me. I would be perfectly fine with it if she wanted to quit softball as I know she will someday, but right now we both have tons of fun playing the game. Our softball journey has been mostly laughs and high-fives with very few tears and ZERO scoldings.

We are both very happy with the team we are on and won't be leaving. Great coaches, great parents, great friends, zero drama.

All of our pickup request come from previous coaches/teammates. We left all our previous teams on very good grounds and I talked to those coaches to let them know our intentions before she ever tried out for another team.

My DD begs to go play with her old teammates. I have never had to ask her twice to get ready for a practice or a game.

I would not miss a practice to pickup without our coaches blessing. I know he would say "Yes", and there is a good chance he would come watch her play and eat dinner with us after.

I've gotten some good perspective on this thread and for that I am thankful, but some of you folk are assuming the worse about me.
 
Nov 18, 2013
2,255
113
Also to the guy that said my kid is a spoiled brat who deserves to be spanked... All of her coaches would disagree. She has a great positive attitude. She just wants to play more softball.

My comment was overly harsh. I should have been more clear with the “if” and made it more generic to be about any kids. What it sounded like is she’s playing 90% of the time and so troubled by it you need to have a discussion with her about why she’s the best kid on the team and the coach is giving other kids a chance too. That sounded spoiled to me. Either way calling for her to be spanked was too much.
 
May 24, 2013
12,461
113
So Cal
I've gotten some good perspective on this thread and for that I am thankful, but some of you folk are assuming the worse about me.

Yes, I did make some assumptions. Many of them are based on you saying things that I've heard before from problem parents. I hope I'm wrong about you.

I genuinely wish you and your DD all the best in this game.
 

marriard

Not lost - just no idea where I am
Oct 2, 2011
4,312
113
Florida
I've gotten some good perspective on this thread and for that I am thankful, but some of you folk are assuming the worse about me.

As EricF says that is because you are saying the things that produce the red flags for us. I have been around coaching and kids sports for WAY too many years. I have seen all the justifications and the delusions and the parents with their head in the sand thinking they aren't "That parent". It is always worth the self-inspection of "Is it me???"

And just like EricF - I 100% hope everything is unfounded and that you and your DD's journey is fantastic where ever it takes you.
 
Jul 16, 2013
4,659
113
Pennsylvania
Just from reading the OP, I would agree with [MENTION=1182]Eric[/MENTION]F and [MENTION=5070]marriard[/MENTION]. It sounds to me like she is getting more than enough playing time.

When I coached at the 12u and 14u level, my primary focus was player development. And that meant all players. I kept a spreadsheet that I would track innings played and plate appearances, and did my best to equalize playing time as much as possible. At the same time, we also tried our best to win. Some of the better players on the team (including my daughter), sat more than other players during pool play. But then they played more during bracket play. The net effect was somewhat balanced playing time, with all of the key players on the field more on Sunday. I did this for a number of reasons. Yes, I was concerned about all the 'daddy ball' garbage that some people complain about all the time. As a result, my daughter typically played less than anyone else on the team, even though she was a top 3 player during those years. But I also wanted to make sure that the entire team developed and was capable of playing at key times when needed. When my starting CF rolled her ankle during the State tournament, i didn't want to replace her with someone that played 20% of the innings up until that point. Or if my shortstop was sick on Sunday, I wanted to make sure we had a competent fill in. We did the best we could to cross train all of our players and worked each of them in a few different positions most weekends. The result was a team that improved it's winning percentage every year we were together.
 
Jul 16, 2013
4,659
113
Pennsylvania
Whether or not a pitcher plays other positions is going to depend a lot on the makeup of the team as a whole, and the versatility of the pitcher in other positions.

As a point of reference. The team I coach is currently 23u. Every player on our roster plays at the college level. Some D2. Some D3. We have 5 pitchers, and all of them play other positions. They rarely do this for their college teams, but they enjoy doing it for our team.

We pretty much did the same thing all the way up from 12u to 18u as well. During 12u and 14u, our pitchers were typically among the best overall players on the team, so they played a lot. At 16u and 18u we started to rest them more (specifically the game before they were in the circle), but they still played some at other positions. I have never coached a single player that was "only a pitcher".
 

Forum statistics

Threads
42,830
Messages
679,473
Members
21,443
Latest member
sstop28
Top