How Hard to Push for Tryout?

[chewbaluba]

DFP Crew,

Asked DD if she would be up for a regional 12u team tryout to participate in a national tournament. She replied that "I'm not ready" and it clearly made her anxious. She has struggled to hit against pitching machines and I suspect that is the major source of her anxiety, but it may be the whole unknown judges thing, dunno. I'm struggling with how hard I should encourage her (if at all).

A little context - she has played for 6 years in a MA Class C travel team, but she has never tried out for any other team. I thought this would be a low risk (in terms of if you don't make it, oh well, no biggie) way to practice trying out. It's like job interviews - you don't interview first for the job you really want right? It's good to have a couple of practice ones first. I think she's good enough for high school ball and the current HS coach I have heard strongly encourages participation in other TB programs besides town.

Is this a case where Dad should just back off and let her tell me when she is ready for this sort of thing? Did any of your daughters suffer this kind of stress and if so, what age did it abate?

Thanks!

 

[Elk Grove Hurricane]

I didn't push too hard. I told them about the opportunities out there and asked if they wanted to go. The oldest had no desire after being rejected once, but then went to a couple when she was specifically asked to by the coach. She was in many ways like your DD if I'm interpreting what you are saying correctly. We think of it as a fear of failure because we went through something similar and came out of it, learning the lesson that you only learn by trying. My DD likes things to stay the same, she doesn't like new ideas unless she initiates them. Pushing her into open tryouts (this was at age 12) wasn't something she could handle. Now, at 14, she is onto her true passion and shows very little fear of failure, even though theatre is even harder to excel.
My younger DD can handle failure a lot better, and has the inner confidence and drive that you want to see. I can push her and she will respond, and when she was ready to try out last summer it didn't take any prodding. She has a good sense already of what she really wants, and it makes my job easy.

 

[grcsftbll]

With my DD I'd probably push a bit on this. She gets anxious about new experiences. We had to really talk her into guest playing the first time, for example, but now she loves it. I think your approach is good: it's no biggie! Just do your best and it'll be a good experience no matter if you make it or not. The way I see it, this is their thing and the decisions should mostly be theirs ultimately, but I'm older and wiser (in theory) and when I see an opportunity they may not recognize, I want to make sure I try to get through. If she still insists she's not at all interested I would defer in the end.

 

[CMMom1740]

Yes, I think that you just say to her that you're not going to make the team if you don't try out. The idea of the unknown is always scary, but the coaches/judges are almost always friendly and nice to the kids. You might even consider framing it as a "workout" instead of a "tryout." A workout sounds low-key and not threatening. Semantics, but it could be enough to change her mindset.

 

[sbmom19]

I never had to push my DD - but she has always been a driven kid. She went from t-ball at 3 to coach pitch at 5 to LL baseball (she pitched, was the only girl on her team and one of only 2 girls that played in either of the two leagues in the city) and then to travel softball at 12. The one thing that I would say is that high level travel ball is one heck of a commitment and sacrifice for all involved in the family. For the player: spring breaks and summer vacations are spent at the ball field; hanging out with friends sometimes has to wait because of practice or games; and there might be scrimmage games out of town the weekend of the big dance. For the parents: special savings accounts are set up for the "softball fund"; all of your vacation time is spent traveling to softball tournaments; you shop for a new car based on the gas mileage, whether the rear seats recline and with DD's catcher's bag dimensions so you can make sure it will fit along with the coolers; and we aren't even going to talk about the yard and the looks from your neighbors. And for the siblings: they either learn to find things to do at the fields and come along for the ride or stay home and watch the dogs. The benefits of getting to spend time with your DD and watching her play a game that she is passionate about and excels at far outweigh everything else and the look on her face when she commits to play in college is worth it all. Just make sure everyone is "all in".

 

[Il softball fan]

Ok, not sure if the terms where you are and where I am are similar. "C" level around here (metro st louis/illinois side) is low level softball, one step above Rec leagues. A "regional" team to me would imply that it is the best of the best for the region. IMO, that is way too big of a jump to attempt, from C level to a regional team. If she has been playing 6 years of C level ball, it is well past time to move up. She should have the skills by now to jump up to B level teams and go do some tryouts. Like someone said above, tell her to look at them as working out with a different team, not necessarily a tryout. If she likes her current team, and is fine with the level she is playing at, nothing wrong with that at all. If she has any inclination to attempt to play past high school, it is time to make a move.

 

[BobInMadison]

How hard to push a kid depends on the kid.

I made the mistake of pushing my DD 1 to join a TB team. She was absolutely ready from a skills POV, although she was the only 14U player on a 16U team, she felt like the least skilled player. The coaches realized she had a great deal of talent, though.

Part of the problem is we were trying to work out a situation where DD 1 and her best friend would join the team together, which would make the team fun for both of them. We had a sort of agreement with her best friend's parents that they would both try out, but her best friend never tried out. So DD 1 was on her first TB team ever, the ONLY freshman on the team, and none of her close friends on the team. She lasted through the fall then quit the team in December. That drove her out of softball completely for a while, but she and her best friend played on the Freshman team at their HS, and were the stars of the team. Neither of them ever played a game of softball after their freshman year.

The father of a girl on that TB team told me he had damaged his relationship with his sons by pushing them too much in baseball, and told me it was far better for my DD 1 to quit softball and maintain our father-daughter relationship than to push her to stay on the team.

Now, 4 years later, DD 1 is a freshman in college, doing well in school, never playing softball or any other organized sport. She does like to go to the gym and run and get lots of exercise. I miss seeing DD 1 tear up the base path, but our father-daughter relationship is far more valuable to me.

 

[Orange Socks]

Sometimes we have to be the parent and do what is in the best interest of the child. If that means pushing them out of their comfort zone, so be it. On the other hand, you have to be realistic as to the skill set of DD and the team that she will be trying out for. Gotta find the right fit. Just because a team is a TB team, doesn't necessarily means that all the kids on the team are great players. I found this out the hard way.

On another note: I coached a kid that was a phenomenal pitcher at 10U. They decided that it was time to play TB and she played for a couple of pretty darn good teams. She wasn't the number 1 pitcher on these teams but she was working hard. When August tryouts came around her coach at the time did not extend a spot on the team(moving up to 12U). She then decided that she didn't want to play anymore. She would have been able to help 95% of all the teams in the area, but because she was rejected by that one team she no longer felt like playing. As a parent, I would have said next! Let's hit it! When my DD first hit the tryout circuit she attended 5 different team tryouts. The first team was a cattle call for a borderline A/B team. She did not get a call and yes she boo hoo'd. But we did not quit and found a team. It was not the perfect team but it was our team for a year.

I once heard that you cannot steer a parked car. Get out there and go for it!