How do you handle another parent trashing your DD?

[Greg Tudor]

Reason is on your side here, but some coaches don't plan well, and then can be unreasonable. A phone call explaining the situation is the right move, but you still might have to make a choice.

I explained to him that my DD has missed a lot of Rec Ball practices and games cause we feel the travel ball has priority over rec ball but we figured u wasn’t having practice Friday cause it wasn’t in the schedule til Thursday and that we didn’t feel it was right to bail on the sub team with only a 1day notice but he was still pissed and said well next year it will be in the contract absolutely no Rec Ball and for a player to sub for another team they have to get permission from him first which I’m fine with but to me he is saying he isn’t going to ket the players sub for any other team regardless if his team has anything scheduled or not


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[uncdrew]

Question for you . My daughter subbed for a team once and missed her own teams practice but the thing is the coach never had a practice scheduled until the day before the tournament that my daughter subbed in and we both felt bad about missing our team practice but I also feel he shouldn’t wait til the last minute to schedule a practice


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yup. Always helps to talk it out. Explain that you feel bad but made the commitment well before practice was on the books.

 

[uncdrew]

I explained to him that my DD has missed a lot of Rec Ball practices and games cause we feel the travel ball has priority over rec ball but we figured u wasn’t having practice Friday cause it wasn’t in the schedule til Thursday and that we didn’t feel it was right to bail on the sub team with only a 1day notice but he was still pissed and said well next year it will be in the contract absolutely no Rec Ball and for a player to sub for another team they have to get permission from him first which I’m fine with but to me he is saying he isn’t going to ket the players sub for any other team regardless if his team has anything scheduled or not


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Those two items:

1. No rec ball if you're playing travel ball
2. You have to ask permission from coach to pick up with another team

are pretty much unwritten rules in our parts.

Meaning it's common, and the coach may be a cranky-pants, but what he's suggesting is the norm for many.



I had a coach once who didn't let players pick up. We honored his decision but from now on I don't join a team until I ask their policy on picking up. So far the next coaches after that one are fine with it. We just want reps.

 

[Long Baller]

Question for you . My daughter subbed for a team once and missed her own teams practice but the thing is the coach never had a practice scheduled until the day before the tournament that my daughter subbed in and we both felt bad about missing our team practice but I also feel he shouldn’t wait til the last minute to schedule a practice


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

As others have said, the coach should understand that the last-minute timing of the practice may cause some conflicts with people. Also, he should already have been aware that you were picking up with another team that weekend. It's common courtesy to let your coach know that you will be with guesting with someone. Many org's don't even allow you to sub outside of the org, for obvious reasons.

 

[The Man In Blue]

... we figured u wasn’t having practice Friday cause it wasn’t in the schedule til Thursday and that we didn’t feel it was right to ...

I’m sorry ... practice on FRIDAY?!

 

[Coach Lex]

Our 16U B team has two pitchers. They are statiscally even -- same number of runs given up, same number of walks, one has more strikouts, the otehr more ground outs. Run and defensive support for one of them is twice what it is for the other, so that pitcher has two more wins on the year. A couple of other statistical things out there, but for all intents and purposes, they are equal. They aren't great, they aren't terrible. Middle of the road B pitchers.

One of them is my DD. The other is Q's daughter. My Dd is the one that doesn't get the run support, and the team averages twice as many errors -- mostly because DD gets batters to hit grounders that don't always get feilded right. Partof being a B team. Q's daughter strikes out more, but she also gets hit more often. In the end it all balances out, like I said, nearly the same totals in runs given up and batters faced per inning pitched. There's your background.

After pool play yesterday, Q pulls the coaches -- and me -- over. He's got his wife and daughter with him. and proceeds to throw out lots of insults, mostly directed at my DD. Called my DD a "shitshow" multiple times, said none of us knew what we had in his daughter. That she should start every game and pitch every pitch. Coach tried to tell him that she was saving her arm. He said you don't need to save a girl's arm in fastpitch. But mostly he just attacked my daughter and me, saying I was in the coach's ear about her playing time. Again, same number of starts, same number of innings. I didn't say anything back because his daughter was right there, and I don't want to point out a girl's faults in front of her. So I just let him rant for a few minutes. Since I'm the scorekeeper, I pulled out my phone and said let's look at the stats. He said he didn't want to hear stats, just that his daughter was better and mine didn't know what she was doing. I lost my cool a bit then. Started walking towards him and he just backed up. This went on for a while. Until he finally walked away.

My question is, was I wrong not to punch him? I spent all night thinking that I should have at least hit him for the crap he said about my daughter. Should I have just started throwing out stats, told his daughter and him that both pitchers were plenty identical and not bothered with the girl's feelings? We've only got one tourney left, and the organization has banned him from it, but I feel as though I let my manhood be challenged and didn't hit a guy who deserved it.

It would have felt great for a second to slap that fool but you probably would have regretted it the next day. No telling how that would have been received by other parents. Now he is the bad guy.

 

[Strike2]

Those two items:

1. No rec ball if you're playing travel ball
2. You have to ask permission from coach to pick up with another team

are pretty much unwritten rules in our parts.

The only "unwritten rule" that I've ever heard of regarding this is that it's good practice to inform the coach when you're guesting. That keeps everyone in the loop about what's going on and prevents surprises and hurt feelings. The coach has no say in terms of "permission".

 

[whiporee]

In our league I think the coach had to sign off on it. But that doesn’t mean people don’t lie their way on (happened to us with Q).

 

[Long Baller]

The only "unwritten rule" that I've ever heard of regarding this is that it's good practice to inform the coach when you're guesting. That keeps everyone in the loop about what's going on and prevents surprises and hurt feelings. The coach has no say in terms of "permission".

I disagree with this for two reasons:

1) What if the coach is able to secure a last-minute tourney slot, but then the team can't accept because of key players guesting on other teams and not telling the coach? Can you imagine the conversation like: "Yes, we agreed weeks ago to sub on another team, but we didn't think you had any reason to know."

2) Imagine a pitcher subbing with a different org, then knocks teams from your org out of the tournament? We had that exact thing happen when DD was playing 12U. DD and two teammates subbed with a lower level team, and ended up knocking a team from our parent org out in the semi-finals. "Our" pitcher was the winning pitcher in that game, beating our org team. That caused a massive "poop storm" between the coaches and parents at the game, and after the fact as well. The next week, the org president passed a rule that you can only sub with teams within our org, and if those opportunities don't exist, then he has to personally approve them.

 

[FP26]

The only "unwritten rule" that I've ever heard of regarding this is that it's good practice to inform the coach when you're guesting. That keeps everyone in the loop about what's going on and prevents surprises and hurt feelings. The coach has no say in terms of "permission".

I remember a player picking up for a team in a relatively local tournament. Her team was off that particular weekend, so you wouldn't think it would be an issue. However, her coach was never informed about this. Then her coach actually showed up at the tournament in order to scout some other teams. Imagine his surprise when he noticed his player playing for one of the teams he was scouting. My understanding is that him and the player's dad had a rather lengthy conversation afterwards...