What I meant was that behavior at the 14U level isn't a "her problem" it is a "them problem" e.g. her teammates and the coaches allowing it...
Helping a quiet kid
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If I’m honest- I see the problem more outside softball- but I’m hoping if she can gain the confidence in softball it will trickle into other areas.
Her pitching coach told me to sign her up for some camps this summer so she has to tell strangers- I’m a pitcher. Hoping she can say it a little louder every time she says it.
I gotcha..but 13 still isn't that old. I bet she comes into her own as she gets older.
My DD is now 15 and has similar challenges. Some people are just more introverted and it requires a conscious effort to speak up. Fortunately she is on a team with a coach that recognizes not all kids are the same. He appreciates the quiet hard workers, but also encourages them to speak up more and pushes her when she needs it. She has improved over time, but HS ball coach really loves extroverts. This definitely hurt her as a freshman, but the hard work she put in during practices and games got her a spot as a SO. My suggestion is to encourage her to step up in other ways that don't require her to speak up. Be the first to put up the bases, carry equipment after practice or stay behind for extra work. That is another way to speak up without having to actually speak out. It gets better overtime, but in my experience it is a slow process measured in seasons, not days/weeks.
It is incredibly hard as a parent to see you child not being treated in a way YOU FEEL that should be treated or acting in a way you think would benefit them.
But my first thought is, is she happy with herself? If you are supportive and she is happy, the rest is truly unimportant.
I would continue to encourage her and ask her questions in a friendly, curious tone, "Hey, I noticed you were letting other in front of you when you were already in line for X. What was that about?" and listen to the answer. Or, I have said things like, "I noticed a group of players were stepping in front of you. were you Ok with that? " If she says, yeah it wasn't a problem, then you might want to check one more time and add how you might feel (Cuz obviously something about it bothered you. "Are you sure, cuz that would bother me. " If she says she was fine with it, then you have to kind of let it go. Of course, you can still say, "well, ok. I have to say you are a lot nicer and more easy going than I would be. BTW you know I am here ( I've got your back) if something comes up and your not comfortable dealing with it, right? She may very well roll her eyes and act like you are making SUUUUUCHHHHH ABIIIIGGGG deal out of nothing, but If you do this right, really supporting her, not "changing" or "correcting," then she will feel it. IMHO, if she knows that you believe in her, that its her choice to decide how to handle this situation, but you got her back if she needs it. everything else will take care of itself.
If you get on her too much about acting differently then how she is comfortable acting, she will feel that and likely feel that you disapprove of how she "is."
If you try to take over the situation and address it with the coach, (doesn't sound like the issue in this case but. . . ) then, if she finds out, she will die of embarrassment and feel like you don't think she can handle things.
But my first thought is, is she happy with herself? If you are supportive and she is happy, the rest is truly unimportant.
I would continue to encourage her and ask her questions in a friendly, curious tone, "Hey, I noticed you were letting other in front of you when you were already in line for X. What was that about?" and listen to the answer. Or, I have said things like, "I noticed a group of players were stepping in front of you. were you Ok with that? " If she says, yeah it wasn't a problem, then you might want to check one more time and add how you might feel (Cuz obviously something about it bothered you. "Are you sure, cuz that would bother me. " If she says she was fine with it, then you have to kind of let it go. Of course, you can still say, "well, ok. I have to say you are a lot nicer and more easy going than I would be. BTW you know I am here ( I've got your back) if something comes up and your not comfortable dealing with it, right? She may very well roll her eyes and act like you are making SUUUUUCHHHHH ABIIIIGGGG deal out of nothing, but If you do this right, really supporting her, not "changing" or "correcting," then she will feel it. IMHO, if she knows that you believe in her, that its her choice to decide how to handle this situation, but you got her back if she needs it. everything else will take care of itself.
If you get on her too much about acting differently then how she is comfortable acting, she will feel that and likely feel that you disapprove of how she "is."
If you try to take over the situation and address it with the coach, (doesn't sound like the issue in this case but. . . ) then, if she finds out, she will die of embarrassment and feel like you don't think she can handle things.
- Oct 3, 2019
- 345
- 43
Does she have social anxiety? I ask because my granddaughter, on the outside, is the life of the party, makes friends easily and liked by her teammates but suffers from low confidence to the extent that she has trouble seeing that she belongs. It's like not being able to accept their accomplishment and feeling out of place, not wanting to stand out by her play but does with her energetic personality. It's a complex issue. Not shyness necessarily, but still reserved in many ways.
- Sep 3, 2015
- 364
- 63
This ^
My DD was like that when she was younger. Staying on the same team where she can get comfortable should help. Hopefully you are in a good situation.
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