Helping a heartbroken daughter

[Lance Steckler]

High school softball is a crap shoot of luck. You roll the dice to get a decent coach, you roll the dice for the actual high school, you roll the dice for teammates, roll of the dice for conference. Any 'craps' roll and player can be in for a long year. Or 4.

Example, I live near Cincinnati. There are numerous school districts that if you are even a marginal player, you will start on Varsity all 4 years and basically 'glow in the dark' for that team. Whereas, that same player would struggle to make JV squad at some other schools in the same conference. There are schools around here with over 2500 students and have 3 squads of 15 players each for Varsity, JV1 and JV2. AND STILL CUT GOOD PLAYERS!!!

Coaching travel ball, I've seen numerous girls both on school teams and travelball, that shine in one area or the other or both. The parent comments on Facebook about Little Suzy playing on varsity for school XYZ and doing well on a team that goes 4-20 every year, fall on deaf ears when that same Little Suzy could not make the cut at larger school or a serious travel program. Another example, Pitcher Q, plays for a ultra small private high school, and dominates in the conference. setting all sorts of records. She comes out to travel ball tryouts and is shocked when she doesn't receive multiple offers to join travel teams, cause guess what? She's just not that good on a wider scale. And guess who else is shocked? The parents who have been thinking she is the next superstar college pitcher and all the D1 schools will be knocking on their door any day now.

Bottom line - Have your DD keep working hard, sending emails, sending videos, calling coaches, attending camps, etc. If she is good enough, and wants to, she will find a program to fit her.


Best of luck!!!

 

[OsDad]

This thread has mostly finished, but I made my DD play school ball this season specifically because it IS such a circus. I think it's good for her to learn how to navigate situations that may not be fair, or play for coaches that do strange things (like trying to score kids from 1st on a ball that one-hops the right fielder ), or learn where the boundaries of her character are (not sucking up to coaches for playing time, or joining in when one group may be being mean to another, etc).

Seems to me that most of our kids will have to learn to navigate these things in real life, and learning how to cope now could be a good thing.

*I shouldn't HAVE to say this, but's the internet, so- I'm obviously not advocating putting your kids, or keeping them in, abusive situations.

 

[bmakj]

have a daughter in a similar situation with different sport this fall (she is a junior),

we have already decided, at her signing ceremony next year at the school, once it is about to begin, we will ask current HC to please leave the room. just a little payback, to make it so she knows how it feels to be excluded from something for no real reason (actually is a real reason, just like in SB, HS is inconsequential for recruiting in this sport, her club coaches WILL be there front and center, in fact she will probably wear her club jersey rather than anything with her HS on it).

wonder if it will be considered rude when I take a picture of HS coaches face when we tell her to please leave?

 

[texasheat]

Here's the last update, because DD finishes her season tonight.

She went to every varsity practice this season and never got called up. Everyone in the same position as she was in was -- sometimes multiple times -- but she was not. She was put in a rotation with two freshmen girls for the season, even having one a 1/3 inning relief appearance in a game they were losing 8-0 count as one of her appearances. In all, she pitched two regular season games against teams that brought down their varsity players. Her confidence was shot and she got rocked, but she pitched okay. She won her last game of the season in a JV tourney this weekend. She ended up breaking out of her hitting slump and went 11-13 with three doubles, a triple and a homer in her last three games. For the first time ever, she's delighted that this is the last game of the year.

After we talked to the AD and the principal, the county investigated the coach and the program. We'll see how it goes. Even though it was supposed to be anonymous, everyone knows and my daughter has been ostracized, to the point where the JV coach told other two girls who had gone to also gone to varsity practices to sit last Friday's out as to not let my DD know the reason, but the varsity coach "couldn't stand to look at her" once the news leaked last week. Several varsity girls instructed the team to "make sure they stood by (coach)" but I know at least a couple told the truth about the event, and other stories for previous years have arisen. I don't know how much difference it will make. After the last JV practice yesterday, the JV coach told the team that half at least half of them could expect to be cut next year because the varsity coach wanted to free up spaces for her club team girls who'll be freshmen next season. My daughter laughed, but several of them were in tears. The younger girls adore my daughter -- which is neat -- and she's proud that she's shown them how to be a teammate and a role model. I'm extremely proud of the way she handled this season, more proud of her than I am furious at the adults who were entrusted to help her and instead seemed to delight in tormenting her.

I had hoped that the season would be ending for everyone this week, but it looks like the varsity will slip into the playoffs next weekend. They can't hit, but they've got a stud pitcher so maybe they'll do some damage. I hope not, but the damage to my daughter is done. Something she loves has brought her a lot of pain and self doubt this year.

Fortunately, her club team has a scheduled tourney for Halloween. Maybe that will take a lot of the sting away.

I wish I had a good moral to tell about all this. The best advice I'd give anyone is to suck up to your high school coach if you want to play high school ball, but that's paramount to advising people to pay off county inspectors when they are building a house. I'd also say to be wary of considering other team parents friends; you can be friendly, but at the end of the day they are focused on their daughter and her PT, and not much else. Maybe they'd say the same of me.

We all get caught up in this stuff a lot; I know I've been guilty in letting it be way more important than it has any right to be. So, while I'd never say any of this has been good -- it's been a horrible six weeks -- maybe it's been important. Because it's given me the chance to tell her -- and for her to start to believe -- that other people don't get to define her. That just because someone abuses her, it doesn't mean she deserves abuse. Just because someone doesn't value her doesn't mean she doesn't have value. And if that's the lesson she can carry from all of this, maybe it will ...

No. It sucked.

Thanks to everyone for listening to my various rants. I appreciate it.

I and others told you to have her quit but no.................. she stayed for the torture. Why?

 

[whiporee]

I and others told you to have her quit but no.................. she stayed for the torture. Why?

Because she didn't want to be a quitter. She didn't want to let them know they chased her off the team and away from the sport. She felt an obligation to her teammates and to herself to see it through.

And, to be honest, she held out hope until the last game that she'd get called up, and have the chance to earn a letter. She wanted it to work out okay. That's what 16-year-old girls do, God bless them. Let's hope they always do.