Helping a heartbroken daughter

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Feb 20, 2020
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This is going to be kind of long, because it's all kind of raw. So I hope you'll bear with me.

My DD is a rising junior. She's played since she was 8, she's played comp ball the last two seasons. All of that was targeted to playing for the high school team, though she's loved her comp (and to a degree, her rec) softball time.

She's not a great player, but she does hit for power. She's the fourth best pitcher on a pretty loaded pitching class. She spent the last two years on JV as was the starting pitcher there -- she's the starter for her comp team. Not great, but adequate. She practices, she takes lessons, she tries, but some kids don't have it, and she's one of them. Like I said, though, she works hard, is a good teammate, all that stuff.

Our varsity team is made up of girls the coach has known since they were 10, mostly. All of them DD's age, all of them played comp just about that time. They are nice girls but they are small and thin and fast. My daughter is not -- she's not fat, but she's 5-9 and solid. A little slow. They had a hole at first base this year, and my DD wanted to go for it. But her limited comp team either needed her to pitch or needed her to rest, so she didn't get any playing time at first. But she worked on her own, and she still hits well. But she hits for power, and the coach likes teams that are built for speed. (there are going to be real issues with that this year. They've got a new artificial turf field that is slow, and because of misplanned construction, the center field fence is 183 feet. You going to have to be able to hit for power to keep up because the ball is going to leave the park. But I digress).

So she -- i was going to say we, but she can drive now -- went to tryouts this week. According to people who saw, she hit the ball as well as anyone. But at first she bobbled a couple. So the coach told her that she was going to swing to varsity, but she needed her to pitch JV because they really had no one else and work on her 1B skills. She was upset, but she handled it okay. A few tears. They still have a hole at 1.

Yesterday, they handed out uniforms. And while other girls -- including a couple of freshmen and my DD's best friend, who is fast but can't hit at all or throw -- were told they were swinging down from varsity, my DD was given a JV uniform and told she swung up. She's devastated, because she feels as though these other girls have passed her. and she's humiliated because she feels as though the other girls in her class will be mocking her, or even think less of her because she's not even varsity this year. She's not considered varsity because she's swinging up instead of swinging down. She'll get a letter (she got one last year for filling in in a game or two) but she's not really part of the team. I'm just feeling terrible because this game that I encouraged and I've enjoyed with her is breaking her heart. it's making her feel bad.

And, it's unfair. She earned her spot. No one outplayed her at 1, she just wasn't perfect. She's not the type of player the coach likes -- she likes them thin and quick -- but she's a good player. At comp tryouts she got multiple offers. She's a junior who's done her time at JV, and all of it. I'm pretty good friends with the team mom, so I called her just to find out, and she lied about DD's performance at 1 in tryouts. Said DD dropped everything thrown at her, and her JV coach said that wasn't the case. And the coach didnt' even bother to tell her the details -- she let the team mom do it while handing out unis.

So now I don't know what to do. Her JV coach is livid, but she's a pal and the head coach hates her anyway (she might be getting fired Monday. Weird way to start a season). Team mom says she should talk to the head coach, but the last time a girl asked a question like that of this head coach she, as one of three seniors, was not allowed to play senior day. I told DD that if she wants to quit and wait until comp season starts, I'm cool with that. But she won't. She's not a quitter. But she's heartbroken and ashamed and humiliated, and i wondered if anyone had any advice. For me or her. Because I want to bring down holy hell on all of it, but I know I shouldn't. So if anyone's got ideas, please let me know. And thanks for letting me vent. Been a bad couple of days.
 

marriard

Not lost - just no idea where I am
Oct 2, 2011
4,312
113
Florida
Not much you can do but vent, and then let it go and support whatever decision your DD makes. Sounds like the HC and you go back and there is some bad blood (justified or not) or the HC just is who they are. Either way, it is what it is.

Your DD can go play and be a star in JV - and that might suck in many ways - but it sounds like if she was on Varsity this HC was probably not going to play her anyway.
 

Cannonball

Ex "Expert"
Feb 25, 2009
4,854
113
Speaking as a coach, I coach JV now. In my time there, we had one young lady who was a junior pitch on the JV. The reason why was that we were stacked on the varsity. This young lady went through the same thing. She had a great attitude and worked hard. Same as your daughter, she was a bigger girl and 1st was about the only position other than pitcher that she had a chance to play. She would sprint from the JV field to the varsity field after ever game to be there in case she was needed. Rarely was she needed. Still, those little things do get noticed. Her senior year, she still was not one of the top 3 pitchers but she was good. She earned a few starts. She earned a few starts at 1st as well and suddenly, there she was. She was in the rotation and rotated starting at 1st as well. She had great senior year. These things do happen!

Edited to add:

This young lady will always be one of my favorite players. It was hard to see the hurt on her face. I told her I would make her better. She just kept trying. To be honest, she became a varsity team favorite as well.
 
Feb 20, 2020
377
63
The problem with being a star on JV is they play 75 minute games, so two, maybe 3 plate appearances a game. She’s the best pitcher JV has, but still freshman/sophomore infield, so not tons of defensive help. She’s practicing with varsity and JV, so that’s a lot of being there. hopefully she’ll at least have fun and maybe COVID will make the dealing with her peers a bit easier.

i don’t have any history with the coach beyond saying hello and making contributions to her yearly coaching present. I offered to fill in for temp screenings if they need someone, but beyond that were pretty invisible as parents go. I thought that was what you were supposed to do at this age. Maybe I was wrong about that.
 
Last edited:
May 29, 2015
3,731
113
Please, PLEASE, PLEASE tell your daughter this ... verbatim ... do not change a word ...

“Honey, I posted on the DF forum looking for some advice. A very wise and experienced member said to tell you this: The mere fact that the post about school softball contained the words ‘team mom’ explains everything.”

It is unfortunate that many school coaches try to design teams to suit their limited coaching skills rather than adapting their coaching skills to get the most out of their players.

You can share that one too. No charge. ;)
 
May 23, 2015
999
63
She should've been on the team as a junior. Coaches just don't get it

Her options curl up in a ball or go kick rear. This can be a very good learning experience. Even MLB has an instructional league
 
Feb 20, 2020
377
63
183' CF? How does that even happen? Mis hit pop ups will be HR's.

Yep.

The company that put it is wasn't experienced, so they mis-placed the infield, and left I think 20 extra feet behind the plate. Because it's artificial surface, they can't just extend the clay or reconfigure things -- they're stuck with the material they had shipped to them. So that's how field ended up this way.

And you add into that the dominant pitcher is a power pitcher -- magnificent for our league, probably pretty good for most -- and I think the ball will fly out. Our team will be trying to manufacture runs, and the other ones will be launching the ball if they can get to it. And the short outfield allows teams to crowd the infield, so the solid contact hits that were already going slow off the turf will be easier to get to for the outfielders. Or so I think. I could be wrong about all that, but last year, this team as it's composed had two HR all season.
 

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