Help! Do I say anything or not? (long read sorry but needed)

[flash277]

As I've read this and the responses, both yours and others, I'm convinced you're looking at the wrong villain, and are closing in on the wrong solution.

I'm going to preface this by saying, as I've detailed in other threads, that I dislike my DD's HSHC. I think she is cruel, unfair and fundamentally a bad coach, and to a degree a bad person. We are parents who went to the AD, then the Principal, then the District to discuss her behavior. I was a sportswriter who covered a lot of high school coaches, and I understand their limitations as sometimes their unpleasant inclinations. I am not someone to take their side on very many issues.

With the said, think the issue here is not with the coach but with the TB community in your area, and if you want to be a part of rebuilding your school's program, it's going to start with rebuilding that connection. I say that because there's not a lot of reasons for a prolonged boycot of a high school program for top players in an area. Kids cycle through -- so even if the coach was not supportive of a senior -- or even an entire junior class -- those kids would be gone by now. Like you said in your OP, there's a story that's going around your community about your head coach and her program. It's a story that's being passed around in tournaments and between parents and girls, more based on hearsay than anything tangible and if you want to rebuild the program you're going to have to actively combat the potentially unearned reputation your HSHC has, and to do that you're simply going to have to change the narrative that is being told about her.

Look at it this way: she's been on the job 4 years. Let's go under the assumption that she replaced a beloved and successful HC, one who knew he game but also obviously knew how to work the community,. When he left (sorry, I can't remember if he died or not), the assumption would also be that one of his long-time assistants would take over -- someone the community already knew, trusted, and had built inroads with. Wen the AD went in another direction, my guess is those guys quit. It may have been a "she's hired and you can either work for her or quit" situation, but my guess is they were unhappy with the AD's choice and left, and in the process have been less than supportive of her in the local softball community.

There are lots of good reasons for the AD to make that move. Not the least of them is having a woman coaching HS girls is a good thing for role modeling and opportunity presentation. There may have been a feeling of inappropriateness with a bunch of old guys constantly being around a bunch of young girls -- sometimes these gender decisions are highly suggested by the district or the state. Maybe the AD thought the program had become too integrated with the local TB community to the exclusion of the community at large. These are all things that happen in high schools.

But the local TB community -- like all TB communities -- expects there to be at least some degree of HS payoff for years of work they've put in. We may denigrate HS ball when compared to TB, but high school is a bigger part fo most communities than a TB club. A letterman's jacket is more prestigious to wear around school than a tournament T-shirt. A HS country, regional or state title means more than a tournament win to the community -- a parent is more likely to get "recognition" from a successful HS program than a club one. Like it or not, parents have a stake in their child's high school successes.

There's motivation for high school age girls to want to play for the high school. There may be some exceptions -- the stud who's going to Alabama, or the girl who wants to focus on her studies half the year while playing ball the other half. But for the most part, kids want to play for their high school. They've planned about it, they've talked about amongst themselves. They think they know how it's going to be.

But then you have a new coach coming in who has no experience in the program, hasn't been seeing these girls and their sisters for years and doesn't have the relationships the old staff has. Plus a bunch of former coaches -- still a part of the SB community -- pissed off she's there. She does things differently, maybe doesn't give some of the TB girls the preferential treatment they (and their parents) think they've earned. So at some point three or four years ago, they all quit (or, more likely, one or two decide to quit and pressured the others to follow). But they need an explanation or justification for abandoning the local high school. So the narrative begins that the new coach is a jerk (and maybe she is). They get backup from the other former coaches, and a reputation is born. It gets passed on from travel team to travel team, and now that's the reputation of the program and the coach. The coach may suck or the coach may be awesome in a different way or she may just be like most coaches, average but trying, but the prevalence of the narrative -- and the widespread avoidance of the HS team -- is much beyond anything she COULD have done. There are people and groups actively working against her and the school, and that's the reality you need to face.

With all that said, what do you do? Reading your posts, I get the feeling you want to fix it -- you want to make a stand that will make everything better. That's admirable, but not your job. But if you want to try anyway, undoing this needs to be done by attacking the narrative. I assume you watch her practices and her games, and I also assume you don't see the things that are complained about, at least not in the scale that they were described to you. Tell parents that. If you're at a game and someone says something about how awful she is, counter act it. Talk to the parents of the younger kids about the benefits of high school ball, how the HSHC has experience and has a coaching style and has empathy, and let those parents and kids hear that maybe it's not as bad as others present.

You're already doing a good job of coaching up the girls skills -- coach up their perspective. Be an advocate for the program and the head coach. Combat the narrative. Because in truth, no one who is currently high school eligible actually ever played an inning for her. All they know is a reputation passed on by people who had non-her reasons to dislike her. If you want to help the program, start by helping too diminish that reputation.

Again, I want to point out this ain't your job or your responsibility. But also to remind you that it's unlikely to change. She was hired for a reason; she's been kept on for a reason. Those reasons won't just disappear because some parents said some bad things. So you can either ride the wave as it is, help the girls you can, accept that the rest you can't and enjoy the game for what it is. Or, if you want to make a change that probably will go unrecognized, start telling your version of the your school's story. Sooner or later it will probably catch on.

I forgot, whiporee, but that happened when you went to the AD?

 

[JayW]

Don’t say anything to anyone about HC that you wouldn’t say to her face.

 

[whiporee]

I forgot, whiporee, but that happened when you went to the AD?

Went to the AD, coach denied everything. Went to principal, he sent it immediately to the district. District investigated, everyone denied anything happened at all. School promised more oversight but nothing else.

DD was not called up for a single varsity game despite attending every varsity practice for the season. Everyone else in the same situation dressed for multiple games, but not her. She led JV in ERA and hitting and ended with 3 HR. Varsity as a team ended up batting .202, made the playoffs with an all-state pitcher but lost in the second round.

All in all, tough life lesson, but she survived.

 

[radness]

@NBE,
After all these comments,
Have you decided your course of action/approach to tackle the VHC conundrum?
Or
Stick to focus on Jv team?