General advice for softball parents of talented players

Welcome to Discuss Fastpitch

Your FREE Account is waiting to the Best Softball Community on the Web.

Oct 26, 2019
1,375
113
@uncdrew My DD and I had that very conversation last night after a pitching lesson. The instructor who we both really like has mentioned playing in high school and playing in college a few times to my daughter and I crack up at the funny looks my daughter makes because she is not thinking that far in advance at 9 yo - she would like to just not throw the ball behind the batter every time!
 
Apr 20, 2015
961
93
It says Beverly Bandit or Bandits in both of our previous posts. If the context of the statements was not about the Beverly Bandits then what was the context?
I believe the point being made here is that the Beverly bandits do NOT have teams all over the country and that because of this yes statements about the roster size and competitiveness of the Beverly bandits can fairly consistently be applied to every Beverly Bandits team.

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk
 
Jan 3, 2020
3
3
DD just joined twitter in December and holy moly am I shocked at the kids who are constantly putting up posts of workouts and lesson footage. These kids are at it everyday and letting college coaches know it. The tagging of college coaches in these posts is excessive and at almost every camp the coaches tell the campers they don’t like when that happens but I think it’s become an “I’ll show you that I will outwork you” mentality out there.

Relating this to the original post - I can only picture burnout in the future for some of these young ladies.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
This! I too am amazed at the self-hype that currently prevails by the girls being recruited via Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc. Things are definitely different than when my daughter was being recruited.
 
May 7, 2015
842
93
SoCal
1. The better the team, the less your chid's playing time. If your child plays on one of the premier teams (OC Batbusters, Beverly Bandits, etc.) she is not going to play as much. On the other hand, your child is almost guaranteed a scholarship to a great school. You can't have one without the other.

2. Softball on good teams (and most college teams) is like work. No one is indispensable. If you or your kid are too much of a prima donna, you'll be told to leave and not let the door hit you or your DD on the backside.

3. For 99.9% of the kids, softball ends when they graduate from college. When it is over, it is over. You and your DD will move on. Softball is just something they do for a few years before they get jobs, careers, spouses and children.

Holy smokes, just got back into town after a 9 day family vacation to Orlando/Disney and a USSSA tournament at the space coast complex.... DD#1 plays 14u on a 1st yr team and is on the "premiere" team of a big org.. This topic hits close to home for me.

I completely agree with the post but would like to clarify some points based on my observations as a parent.

a)generally, reduced playing time is guaranteed. Out of a roster of 18 (was 17 before the tournament, more on that later!) there are 4 to 5 players that are playing 80-90% of the time in tournament play and 60-70% in friendlies, basically because the team suffers if they are not on the field. On the other side, there are probably 4 to 5 players that play 30% in friendlies and 10-15% in tournaments. In bracket games there are more than a few that won't play. The players in between likewise rotate in/out more and play in half the games.

b)my experience with these teams are that they are singularly focused on results. Players delivering plays, batters delivering strong at bats, etc. Everyone gets a shot, the players that produce get to play. To me, and it took a long while to discover, it is very much about realizing that it is nothing personal, its just results based decisions. No "daddy" ball

c)unless your kid is one of the top 1 or 2 out of the top 5 described above, be ready to face adversity almost on a weekly basis. I can't speak for others struggles on the team, only my DD's, but these can be mind bending issues that will eat you up from the inside out if you stew on it. Just this weekend my DD and a team mate were selected by the coach to participate in a very cool competition. Not 20min later a notice was sent out to parents and players that there was a change of plans and the DD was replaced by another team mate. I had to fall back to "its nothing personal, the team felt that another would represent the team better".. Not a happy moment at all, but no use making mountains out of mole hills. Second, the team decided to pick up probably the best catcher in the nation if you go on the metric of recruiting young players, which is now not legal. DD is one of 2 catchers on the team and all of a sudden was looking at way less time behind the dish. Another shot in the gut for DD and me/wife. Same as above, look at it as the team is looking out for itself and my job was to ensure that DD was in the right state of mind to fulfill her role to the best of her ability.

d)how you (as parents and as a player) handle this adversity is very important to the org, the prima donna's of the bottom ~16 of an 18 player roster will as @sluggers said will be shown the door.

e)I believe that the players on these big orgs teams are recruited heavily because they have been exposed to a true "system". These players are treated like adults, held accountable, exposed to adversity, and worked in a manner consistent with a NCAA "style" or approach. The orgs like families that are "all-in". If they deliver players that are not ready for NCAA play, the house of cards starts to fall apart for the org.

I know I've spun a grave tale, but my wife and I are enjoying the ride and appreciate the process. My DD is a true grinder. She doesn't have the best swing (I've posted on here multiple times since she was 8yo, but for the life of me I can't get her to adopt a DFP approved swing!), she's prone to mistakes but she works HARD and hits well. She also has the physical attributes of a high level player which helps a lot. I've heard multiple times from the head of the org saying things like, "don't worry about this, we'll fix it in the coming years" type stuff.

Also, if you're still reading.. We played in the coolest tournament this past weekend. Double elimination, 3 pool games 1:45 no new. Bracket games were full 7 innings, and the absolute best was the championship game was actually a 3 game series! We lost the first 9-1, won the second 7-0, and lost the 3rd 4-2. DD had an awesome tournament and had some great experiences and situations. Space Coast does it right. Championship games had 4 video cameras, 3 of which were manned, showing the game on a real jumbo-tron. There were 2 field umps as well as a plate ump. It felt like an NCAA game, so cool. DD also had an awesome situation arise in game 3; an at bat with her team chasing 1 in the bottom of the 6th with 2 outs runner on 2B, truly game on the line. Count got to 3-1 and she went for it. Blasted a ball but was unfortunately caught about 5 feet in front of the warning track. Fence was at 225'. Proud of her to get a crack at that situation that a lot of little kids dream about.

 
Sep 29, 2010
1,082
83
Knoxville, TN
Holy smokes, just got back into town after a 9 day family vacation to Orlando/Disney and a USSSA tournament at the space coast complex.... DD#1 plays 14u on a 1st yr team and is on the "premiere" team of a big org.. This topic hits close to home for me.

I completely agree with the post but would like to clarify some points based on my observations as a parent.

a)generally, reduced playing time is guaranteed. Out of a roster of 18 (was 17 before the tournament, more on that later!) there are 4 to 5 players that are playing 80-90% of the time in tournament play and 60-70% in friendlies, basically because the team suffers if they are not on the field. On the other side, there are probably 4 to 5 players that play 30% in friendlies and 10-15% in tournaments. In bracket games there are more than a few that won't play. The players in between likewise rotate in/out more and play in half the games.

b)my experience with these teams are that they are singularly focused on results. Players delivering plays, batters delivering strong at bats, etc. Everyone gets a shot, the players that produce get to play. To me, and it took a long while to discover, it is very much about realizing that it is nothing personal, its just results based decisions. No "daddy" ball

c)unless your kid is one of the top 1 or 2 out of the top 5 described above, be ready to face adversity almost on a weekly basis. I can't speak for others struggles on the team, only my DD's, but these can be mind bending issues that will eat you up from the inside out if you stew on it. Just this weekend my DD and a team mate were selected by the coach to participate in a very cool competition. Not 20min later a notice was sent out to parents and players that there was a change of plans and the DD was replaced by another team mate. I had to fall back to "its nothing personal, the team felt that another would represent the team better".. Not a happy moment at all, but no use making mountains out of mole hills. Second, the team decided to pick up probably the best catcher in the nation if you go on the metric of recruiting young players, which is now not legal. DD is one of 2 catchers on the team and all of a sudden was looking at way less time behind the dish. Another shot in the gut for DD and me/wife. Same as above, look at it as the team is looking out for itself and my job was to ensure that DD was in the right state of mind to fulfill her role to the best of her ability.

d)how you (as parents and as a player) handle this adversity is very important to the org, the prima donna's of the bottom ~16 of an 18 player roster will as @sluggers said will be shown the door.

e)I believe that the players on these big orgs teams are recruited heavily because they have been exposed to a true "system". These players are treated like adults, held accountable, exposed to adversity, and worked in a manner consistent with a NCAA "style" or approach. The orgs like families that are "all-in". If they deliver players that are not ready for NCAA play, the house of cards starts to fall apart for the org.

I know I've spun a grave tale, but my wife and I are enjoying the ride and appreciate the process. My DD is a true grinder. She doesn't have the best swing (I've posted on here multiple times since she was 8yo, but for the life of me I can't get her to adopt a DFP approved swing!), she's prone to mistakes but she works HARD and hits well. She also has the physical attributes of a high level player which helps a lot. I've heard multiple times from the head of the org saying things like, "don't worry about this, we'll fix it in the coming years" type stuff.

Also, if you're still reading.. We played in the coolest tournament this past weekend. Double elimination, 3 pool games 1:45 no new. Bracket games were full 7 innings, and the absolute best was the championship game was actually a 3 game series! We lost the first 9-1, won the second 7-0, and lost the 3rd 4-2. DD had an awesome tournament and had some great experiences and situations. Space Coast does it right. Championship games had 4 video cameras, 3 of which were manned, showing the game on a real jumbo-tron. There were 2 field umps as well as a plate ump. It felt like an NCAA game, so cool. DD also had an awesome situation arise in game 3; an at bat with her team chasing 1 in the bottom of the 6th with 2 outs runner on 2B, truly game on the line. Count got to 3-1 and she went for it. Blasted a ball but was unfortunately caught about 5 feet in front of the warning track. Fence was at 225'. Proud of her to get a crack at that situation that a lot of little kids dream about.


I really appreciate the way your family and DD are handling the adversity of playing true A level ball. You should be commended for teaching your DD a great lesson!

I would however, ask these questions before joining/staying on any team. Is DD getting to play a minimum of 50% of all innings at her primary and secondary positions? Is she getting enough live innings to get better? Players learn far more through live experience than lessons IMO, not that there isn’t a place for both. If a coach shows up to see your DD play, will she be inserted into game immediately?. If the answer to any of these questions is no, I’m looking for a new team.

The only team we left mid season (14U), DD never played her secondary position. She did catch 50% of the time. A school showed up to see DD play and DDs coach told her DD would be playing all of the next game, TOMORROW! We left the team later that week.
 
Apr 26, 2019
222
43
Eh... maybe... A lot of the girls playing on those teams have pretty much already selected their college before they get on their premier team. So yeah, you can have one without the other. You don't have to join these teams. You have to have different goals on these teams because the college choice thing has probably already happened.

Plenty of D1 kids are on other very, very strong teams playing without having the insanity of playing for the best teams in these orgs. One of DD's teammates is going to a big SEC team and has never played for one of these teams. One of DD's HS teammates headed to a top 3 BIG10 school got invited to and joined one of these teams after she committed and after a few weeks came back because it wasn't what she wanted.

Also 'great softball school' may not be the same as 'great school'. If you can't follow your major or dreams at your great softball school or you are left with a year or two of more school to graduate just how great was the school for you?



Perhaps... maybe... Sure it is a lot of time commitment and if you don't love the game or there is a bad coach or terrible teammates, it can become work real quickly. And yeah, you may get kicked off the team or leave on your own because you don't want to play anymore, HOWEVER college isn't like travel - there isn't a pool of other players you can raid from other teams mid-season. You can't have someone 'guest play' for you. What is on campus is on campus. Maybe you can see if one of the basketball girls played softball as well and can come out and help with the team.

And yeah, end of year - they may boot you because they have the opportunity to replace you with transfers and incoming freshman. But mid-season not so much.



And this is still the saddest thing about the USA sporting system. In almost every other country you can play until you want to stop. There are A grade women fastpitch leagues across the world - pro, semi-pro, amateur, veteran, adult recreational. I know 60+ year olds still playing Veterans and C grade games back in Australia. If the USA loses the Olympics it will because of this - the other teams in medal contention are for the most part much older than the USA team will be (and if you took out Abbott and Osterman the USA team would be babies compared to the other teams).
I don't disagree with you on the whole. That being said, I work with a woman who is 23 years old and played on scholarship at a D2 college. After college she thought she was finished and kind of sat by it but I told her about a women's fast pitch league in the area..

She tried out for the team and made it. She absolutely loves it and it's pleased with the amount of talent she plays with a lot of girls from D1 and D2 schools are on the team.

There's opportunities out there. But I imagine nationwide those opportunities are relatively slim..
 

Strike2

Allergic to BS
Nov 14, 2014
2,044
113
I really appreciate the way your family and DD are handling the adversity of playing true A level ball. You should be commended for teaching your DD a great lesson!

I would however, ask these questions before joining/staying on any team. Is DD getting to play a minimum of 50% of all innings at her primary and secondary positions? Is she getting enough live innings to get better? Players learn far more through live experience than lessons IMO, not that there isn’t a place for both. If a coach shows up to see your DD play, will she be inserted into game immediately?. If the answer to any of these questions is no, I’m looking for a new team.

The only team we left mid season (14U), DD never played her secondary position. She did catch 50% of the time. A school showed up to see DD play and DDs coach told her DD would be playing all of the next game, TOMORROW! We left the team later that week.

Your first statement really struck me, and it stands in stark contrast to some of the earlier comments. This isn't a shot at you or erniekru, so please don't take it that way. Many very good players appear to be showing up to their college teams physically and mentally worn down, and even academically unprepared. I've seen it personally. Athletic challenge is a good thing, but why should youth sports, even competitive sports, be all-consuming and have THIS kind of "adversity" that must be "handled"? In other words, why do some people believe that they and their kid must endure a purely transactional "nothing personal" relationship with their ball team?

I'd extend that question to college, where sports is supposed to supplement classroom education. Heck, even the better pro sports teams are more than that. Hard work to achieve a goal is a great lesson, but when that very expensive "true A-level ball" experience starts to suck, what are you really getting from it other than a string of bad memories?

50% playing time? If my kid was a pitcher who didn't field another position well, or a catcher in the middle of summer, I'd be alright with that. My kid is neither, and she played every inning last spring/summer on a pretty good team (but not top level). I was a bit surprised by that, but I wouldn't put up with 50% when I'm expending time, effort, and money for her to play. Although I can always get more money, it's the time that's irreplaceable.

I don't know...I guess I have a different perspective on this because playing in college isn't a priority. I refuse to, as Westwind put it, "dance with the devil". Whenever this ends, I want it to be something that is remembered well.
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
but I wouldn't put up with 50% when I'm expending time, effort, and money for her to play.
What if your kid was happy playing 50% of the time on one of the better TB in the country?

To be honest I don't really have an opinion on this at the moment since I haven't had the scenario
come up.
 
May 6, 2015
2,397
113
yeah, if the team DD was on brought in a hired gun for a tournament that involved considerable travel expenses, I'd be (and have been) seriously pissed. that is not right (unless communicated well in advance, so we have a chance to say, sorry, not worth my time).
 

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
42,831
Messages
679,490
Members
21,445
Latest member
Bmac81802
Top