General advice for softball parents of talented players

[ANNASDAD]

This post is not directed at anyone person. It’s a response to annasdad but for what he related

Your DDs need to be responsible for more of their game.

Is your dd 11 and you are carrying her gear. Stop it she can carry her own. If it’s too heavy then Either stop buying more stuff or have her toss out the 36 half bottles of water in the bag

Is she 12 and your the only one caring for her equipment?
Stop, she can clean her shoes and make sure they are out of the bag to dry.

Is she 14 and has no idea of when her next practice is because you handle it
Stop it, she can manage her social calendar she can manage her sports one as well

Is she 14 and a parent has to watch her practice?
Stop it, go home, shopping, read a book in a park...

Is she in HS and do you solve all her issues at school?
Stop. Oversee but let her deal with them as possible.

Is she 16 and you drive her everywhere
If she has a license Stop it

Do you do all the laundry for her?
Stop and teach her how

There are a thousand other things we do, that we need to let the kid take responsibility for. No one at college is going to do these things for her. To drop her off at college and expect it to be easy for her when she has never been required to take care of herself and manage her own time. Plus the more rigorous schedule. You have set her up to fail.

Great post, and all very true! Not going to lie, I'm responsible for two on that list, and they're on me! I could make excuses why but it doesn't matter!

 

[_MIA_]

This post is not directed at anyone person. It’s a response to annasdad but for what he related

Your DDs need to be responsible for more of their game.

Is your dd 11 and you are carrying her gear. Stop it she can carry her own. If it’s too heavy then Either stop buying more stuff or have her toss out the 36 half bottles of water in the bag

Is she 12 and your the only one caring for her equipment?
Stop, she can clean her shoes and make sure they are out of the bag to dry.

Is she 14 and has no idea of when her next practice is because you handle it
Stop it, she can manage her social calendar she can manage her sports one as well

Is she 14 and a parent has to watch her practice?
Stop it, go home, shopping, read a book in a park...

Is she in HS and do you solve all her issues at school?
Stop. Oversee but let her deal with them as possible.

Is she 16 and you drive her everywhere
If she has a license Stop it

Do you do all the laundry for her?
Stop and teach her how

There are a thousand other things we do, that we need to let the kid take responsibility for. No one at college is going to do these things for her. To drop her off at college and expect it to be easy for her when she has never been required to take care of herself and manage her own time. Plus the more rigorous schedule. You have set her up to fail.

How many of you over the age of 35 would go out with their friends and do "dangerous" things (ride a skateboard on your belly down a big hill, jump over creeks which you were not sure you could make, etc) where failing had consequences but not so severe as to cause a lifetime of harm? How many of you remember feeling a sense of growing up when your parents let you do something for the first time( ride your bike to the park/friends house/store.etc on your own for the first time, stay out after dark, etc., etc.). Many parents nowadays hover over their kids so much that they never have these experiences which were a normal part of growing up before.

I am not saying parents shouldn't try and keep their kids safe, and parenting nowadays is harder than it has ever been, but a part of growing up is trying things which are not "safe" and realizing after they do them successfully that they have it in them to take on challenges. I get kids in my classes who are paralyzed when presented with challenges...that is a problem.

I will say that kids who play sports do have a leg up in this regards as long as their parents don't present them with a safety net all the time...As a (small) example of this my wife read me a FB post the other day where a mother showed a video of her son playing basketball and going behind his back in a game. She posted that she told her son that he couldn't do this move in a game until he was sure that he wouldn't lose the ball when he did it...Why?

 

[ANNASDAD]

She posted that she told her son that he couldn't do this move in a game until he was sure that he wouldn't lose the ball when he did it...Why?

Cause she was afraid it would make HER look like a failure!

Great post pattar, I can absolutely say neither of my kids grew up anywhere near as dangerously as I did, not even close! It's a miracle I'm even here posting, seriously!

 

[uncdrew]

This is the first time I've written anything about DD's first semester as a freshman softball player.........first off she made the Dean's list her first semester, which I'm extremely proud of her for doing!

Second, I've never seen her hate softball as much as she does now! She (we) knew it was going to be a grind, and she knew it was going to be harder than anything (team softball related) she's ever been through before! This is D2, and it's a full time job, this coach would have them on the field for 10 hours a day if she could somehow convince the AD to let her do it! She's heard football players and baseball players all say the softball coach is insane with her work schedule!

The seniors and juniors have all said (many times) that this coach has taken the fall semester to a crazy new over the top level they've never seen before. She said in the dining hall a couple of months back, all 6 freshmen were going to quit! She says all her love for the game of softball is pretty much gone!

Of course all this is depressing for me, being a part of her softball journey her entire life..........but at this point, it ain't about me! Me and my wife have told her if softball starts affecting her grades, or her mental health, she'll have to put softball behind her! I can only tell her to suck it up so many times?

Their conference ranking came out today, they're ranked #1 in the conference, 57 game schedule starts Feb. 1st, so it definitely isn't going to get any easier!

Bottom line, she's my daughter, she's a great ball player, and no matter what happens from here on college softball related, I'm damn proud of her for getting recruited and putting herself in this position!

I'll never forget having a team camp in 14U with Mickey Dean when he was at James Madison. He said being a student athlete is the hardest thing you'll ever do!! And at the end of the day you just want some food in your belly and to lay your head on a pillow!

She's working hard, she's lost 17 pounds this first semester (remember she's 5'0" tall), this is without a doubt the fittest she's ever been, and she's fell in love with weight training......so there's that!

I don't know why I decided to share this, I still want to kick her in the butt and tell her to suck it up (again) but more importantly I want her to be happy and to love her college experience!

Uh, she got the whole Freshman Fifteen thing backwards.

 

[uncdrew]

Carry her bag??? Hahahha. I laid down the law on that one her first practice of 8U. Dad doesn't carry your bag, you do.

I'm lazy.

Our goal was always just to play on the High School team. Even though she's only 10, that's now a lock (if she keeps playing). It'll be interesting to see when her last game is. Might be 14U, might be 18U. Who knows?

Hitting coach wishes she wasn't a pitcher. He says he'd love more time with her and more practice time for her. It would be interesting if we could spend more time on hitting.

 

[chinamigarden]

Carry her bag??? Hahahha. I laid down the law on that one her first practice of 8U. Dad doesn't carry your bag, you do.

I'm lazy.

Our goal was always just to play on the High School team. Even though she's only 10, that's now a lock (if she keeps playing). It'll be interesting to see when her last game is. Might be 14U, might be 18U. Who knows?

Hitting coach wishes she wasn't a pitcher. He says he'd love more time with her and more practice time for her. It would be interesting if we could spend more time on hitting.

Keep swinging that bat.

My dds senior year I realized that every starter on her team other then the catcher had been a pitcher at one Time or another.

 

[EC22]

Carry her bag??? Hahahha. I laid down the law on that one her first practice of 8U. Dad doesn't carry your bag, you do.

Saw several dads carrying bags at a recent pretty high level camp(high school age). DD and teammates refer to them as Bagdads. Good chuckle for me, probably earned them an X on their DD'S profile.

 

[CrazyNani]

Saw several dads carrying bags at a recent pretty high level camp(high school age). DD and teammates refer to them as Bagdads. Good chuckle for me, probably earned them an X on their DD'S profile.

As a Nani, I attempted to grab my granddaughter’s bag, after a game last season. My daughter told me, Mom, she can carry it herself. I didn’t realize it was such a faux paux. After all, it had been a long day of games. What’s wrong with helping them out a little? Especially since they had practice again already, the next morning.

 

[bmakj]

Personally, after a day of 3-5 games, where DD caught all but one normally, I have no problem hauling her bag. she is usually guzzling a soda or eating water ice as we leave. goes a lot in winter too, when DD swam in a swim meet in the AM, caught 2+ games in the afternoon (we got a lucky warm and clear Sat, local guy pounced and scheduled a one day ad hoc tourney), and had to swim again the next AM. schedule like that, I will wait on her in between activities to help her conserve and recover.

 

[EC22]

Personally, after a day of 3-5 games, where DD caught all but one normally, I have no problem hauling her bag. she is usually guzzling a soda or eating water ice as we leave. goes a lot in winter too, when DD swam in a swim meet in the AM, caught 2+ games in the afternoon (we got a lucky warm and clear Sat, local guy pounced and scheduled a one day ad hoc tourney), and had to swim again the next AM. schedule like that, I will wait on her in between activities to help her conserve and recover.

Maybe start a thread "when is it OK to carry DD's bag and why or why not?".