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Fed up parents...PLEASE HELP!!

Our coach lets his daughter get away with murder! (I’ll call him John & her Jane)
Jane’s a snob & could care less if she hurts someone’s feelings & most of the girls are intimidated by her so they won’t speak up. JANE’S calling the shots, not John! She insists on pitching all the time & she’s horrible. She pitches 3-4 feet to high or bowls it in. There’s 4 other girls (one’s my daughter) that are great pitchers & they’re constantly asking for their turn to pitch but John won’t let them because Jane will throw a fit! When the assistant coach (Rick) or anyone suggests letting someone else pitch John usually ignores them. Jane’s never had to sit out when we have to many players either! If or when John lets someone else pitch Jane argues with him saying they can’t pitch, they’re going to loose the game because of it & starts balling ..... then gets her way! At the last game John finally let my daughter pitch 1 inning (2nd one the entire season). I was by the dugout telling my daughter good luck etc. Jane starts cutting my daughter down BADLY & arguing with John about letting her pitch! She he has a horrible mouth & makes sure everyone can hear her. I spoke up & told John “Excuse me, she has NO right to judge anyone & that he shouldn’t let her talk that way!” She rolled her eyes at me then walked away. He told me not to worry about it, he had it under control. I told him he didn’t have her under control & I was sick of him playing favorites. He denied playing favorites & told me to sit down & shut up! I didn’t go any farther because it wasn’t the right time or place. There’s other parents & players that are also fed up with them but we don’t know what we can/should do? We’re considering to refuse to go to State tournaments unless they agree that Jane won’t pitch & call the shots like she has been. BUT our daughters have worked hard to get where they are & they deserve to play! If we do refuse I don’t think they’ll be enough players & they’ll have to for-fit. We’d appreciate any advice!!


May 7, 2008
Welcome to 'Daddy Ball'.

Many teams are formed by the parent of a lousy pitcher, just so she can get pitching time.

Run, don't walk, to the nearest team. I would not spend another penny going to a tourney with the team.

Have the parents gather up all the uniforms and show up to the next practice. Have every parent turn them in and simply say "As long as you and your daughter are on this team, we are outta here".

Walk and don't look back.
Jun 22, 2008
Well, dont know how fed up all the other parents are with the situation, but sounds to me like you should approach the assistant coach about becoming the head coach of a new team. Let the old coach put together another team for his daughter. If that isnt an option, leave and find another team, I would not spend another dime for my daughter to play on a team where one player was allowed to do the type of things you have described.

You could always call a team meeting minus the coaches to discuss the situation amongst the other parents and see where they stand for sure. But, be forewarned, it will get back to the coaches one way or another, so you better be sure you either want to leave the team or force changes before you call for a meeting. If the team has potential to be good other than this situation, it would be a shame to break them up for 1 girl. Her father is not doing her any favors, because just as soon as daddy isnt her coach anymore she most likely will be a bench sitter or will quit any team she ever plays for because every coach will be "mean" to her.

Amy in AZ.

Super Moderator
May 7, 2008
This sounds like someone I knew - except she was a catcher and her dad wasn't coach.

She was trouble at school, too.

My DD befriended her when she had no friends left. I was glad when we moved away.

She left the varsity team in the lurch by just not showing up for a tournament, as a freshman.

I, too, would move on - or have everyone sign a petition removing the coach.

How old is the coach's DD?
Jul 14, 2008
At this point, I'd say finish up the season and find a new team for next year (start looking now). Also, I think it would be worth approaching the coach as a group and let him know you all are in agreement that this is unacceptable. If he wants to have a team next year he best clean up the situation as his (and his daughter) reputations are spreading fast.
May 9, 2008
Hartford, CT
Definitely feel your pain....we just had a coach that played his kids over everyone elses ...they aren't very good at all. Intentionally kept my DD invisible so his would make the All Star team....etc....

After the spring and All Star seasons, my girls are both not so enthused to play softball ... my 10 announced that she does not want to pitch anymore.

We are doing what has been suggested ... looking for another venue.
We have no choice as one coach can really pull the enthusiasm out of a kid and we need to get that spark back.

Holding out on signing up for Fall Ball in our town until we see who coaches. (if we aren't happy with coaches my 10 will just play soccer and my 12 will go to another Fall Ball league organized by a Travel coach (opens it up to public, forms numerous teams, etc)(might be a good time to have a new perspective.

We have 5 Travel teams to try out for in August. Not sure what will happen....my 12's pitching timing is all off...she going back forth about whether she wants this Travel stuff ...due to her pitching being off right now ...
Not pushing, but just the tryout would be good for her and I'm not worried either way as I will be coaching her team in the Spring.

(Mommy ball....LOL)(wouldn't do that)

Spend some time finding another team....this parent kid combo isn't going to change ..they never do!
I am soooooo sorry, but if I were you...and this is just an idea....I would finish out the season and find another team, and when/if the coach calls you to ask you back on the team for next season, like most coaches do, I would tell him that you will not be playing for him because of the situation with his daughter. Make sure you do this in a respectfull mannor. But I figure what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
Jul 17, 2008
Troy, Illinois
You have a commitment and so finish it. Innocent kids will be hurt if you let the team forfeit. However, you should buy the coach a diet coke and sit down with him to address your concerns. Then, you've done your part. Move on. Tryouts will be starting up soon after Nationals and so, look at the papers, ask her friends or your friends about good programs and tryout for as many of those as you can. This young lady who is out of control will ruin the experience for your child.
I agree about the commitment part. It is terrible to leave the other children on the team in the lurch, especially during tournament time, unless everyone is in agreement. We had a similar situation, except she wasn't the coach's daughter. Pitched every game. Pitched 31 times, 24 were balls. Didn't get replaced until the final inning of a game during the World Series, when it was way too late. Thought about bowing out, but dd stuck it out because she didn't want to let down her team. Said that as long as she knew she was giving it her best, she couldn't complain!

There are children all over who have less than fabulous personalities. What is terrible, imho, is that it does sometimes take just one bad apple to spoil the barrel. Kill the coach with kindness and get through the tournaments. I witnessed one of our parents reaming out our coach over the weekend with children in the dugout. It was awful - wrong place, wrong time.

The lesson we learned this season was that when you have a parent who is constantly taking up for their child, there is a problem. That child is going to be a lonely soul in the end. Children need to learn to fight their own battles and not have a parent do it for them, or give in when they throw tantrums. I can assure you that the other girls on the team see that and are probably just as frustrated as y'all are at this point. There wasn't a parent or child on our team who had not been angered by a mom/daughter combo we had on our team. My dd had enough at the last practice and let the girl have it, finishing it off with, "and go tell your mom I said that and we'll see what happens!"

Good luck to y'all! Terrible situation, but it will get better! This happened for a reason and it will become clear to you later down the road! ;)

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