Don’t Touch the Players

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Dec 11, 2010
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So Pattar, what I want to know is on a scale of 1-10, how “huggy” are you, lol

So far no one is chanting “LOCK HIM UP! LOCK HIM UP!” but we will need some more information here.
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
So Pattar, what I want to know is on a scale of 1-10, how “huggy” are you, lol

So far no one is chanting “LOCK HIM UP! LOCK HIM UP!” but we will need some more information here.
I give out hugs like I give out compliments..I am not exactly Mr. Affectionate.
 
Jul 29, 2013
6,782
113
North Carolina
I also haven’t coached really young kids in a long time.
Hand raised here, me too! This thread has been an eye opener for me. The thing is I know me, I have nothing but these girls best interest in mind, and that’s to try my best to make them learn this game of softball and be a good teammate!

This team/roster was already put together, and the parents/helpers were already in place, then I came in to coach it. Here’s the “I have to be careful part”, the first two weeks these girls wouldn’t hardly even speak to me, the past week, or last two practices they follow me and stand around me and just talk, talk, talk! So they’ve gotten real comfortable around me!

Bottom line is I don’t know these girls or their parents, and they don’t know me! In just less than 3 weeks they’ve all improved tremendously, pretty sure that’s why they’re all comfortable with me now?

@RADcatcher, I am more of a show them, move them around type coach. I kneel down and move their feet where I want them, I move their hands around on the bat and move their hands to where I want them to start their swing, but that’s it. Everyone is just fine with that, I honestly don’t think I could verbally get these points across, they have zero softball IQ.

I want to grab them by their belt loops and simulate what it feels like to violently rotate their hips and engage their lower half, but I ain’t doing that. Even repeatedly telling them that’s where all their power comes from (and the bottom turns the top) they look at me like I’m speaking Russian to them!
 

radness

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,270
113
While we all regret some of these changes in expectations and behavior, let's not overlook the reason. Studies show that somewhere between 2 and 10 percent of female athletes have reported being sexually abused by a coach. While it's a small percentage, it's not a small number of girls. The last numbers I could find (2012) say that 1.2 million girls play softball. Even at the lowest percentage -- 2 -- that still means 24,000 girls. Or you can think of it this way -- at a 60 team tournament, statistics would suggest that 15 girls are being abused. Or, if you're in a four team pool, statistically one of the girls has been/is being abused.

In other words, the numbers are just too big to ignore red flags.

The OP posted a specific event, and this thread turned into a much bigger debate, and I think there's probably a big difference between touching someone to put them in position and abusing them. But I'd remind you that everyone thought that Nassar's "examinations" were perfectly copacetic, too. So as quickly as many want to dismiss the idea entirely, don't overlook that a) it is a real problem and b) things that have been perceived as perfectly innocent at times haven't been. Preventing things like that is, to me, more important than nostalgia or even demonstrating correct form.

As a coach, I just never want to put myself in a position that could be misinterpreted. I never want to people to even wonder.

Many coaches are very good are warm, huggy people and they just have a persona that no one doubts. They are genuine. No one doubts their motivations. Still, I am personally not comfortable with that and I’m very conscious of avoid any situation that could even give the suggestion of impropriety. Even a false accusation is damaging.

Just because a coach physically touches a player appropriately in an appropriate setting does not bother me at all. Yet I can’t remember doing it and I really don’t want to. It’s just not me.

I also haven’t coached really young kids in a long time. I can see how it is harder to verbally direct and demonstrate to them to the position you want them to be in.

I am always glad to see this topic discussed. I am glad that people are aware that there are people out there that you need to be careful of. I’m glad that coaches are thinking about how their actions can be perceived and that they are thinking of how they can avoid putting themselves in bad positions.

These two posts were written in good context. Clear.


to be clear on my post and how I was contributing to this thread
*Simply to get people to think a little bit about their actions.

Not tell others HOW to instruct/coach/teach.
 
Last edited:

radness

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,270
113
Hand raised here, me too! This thread has been an eye opener for me. The thing is I know me, I have nothing but these girls best interest in mind, and that’s to try my best to make them learn this game of softball and be a good teammate!

This team/roster was already put together, and the parents/helpers were already in place, then I came in to coach it. Here’s the “I have to be careful part”, the first two weeks these girls wouldn’t hardly even speak to me, the past week, or last two practices they follow me and stand around me and just talk, talk, talk! So they’ve gotten real comfortable around me!

Bottom line is I don’t know these girls or their parents, and they don’t know me! In just less than 3 weeks they’ve all improved tremendously, pretty sure that’s why they’re all comfortable with me now?

@RADcatcher, I am more of a show them, move them around type coach. I kneel down and move their feet where I want them, I move their hands around on the bat and move their hands to where I want them to start their swing, but that’s it. Everyone is just fine with that, I honestly don’t think I could verbally get these points across, they have zero softball IQ.

I want to grab them by their belt loops and simulate what it feels like to violently rotate their hips and engage their lower half, but I ain’t doing that. Even repeatedly telling them that’s where all their power comes from (and the bottom turns the top) they look at me like I’m speaking Russian to them!
Neat story! Looks like your starting to grow roots! Good for you!

Believe me when I say I am a very interactive person/coach/instructor.
And understand about how moving feet or adjusting hands or elbows can be quick and helpful. Simply have learned other ways to communicate. Also find young people (all age really)
are capable of learning to use communication tools like ~listening, seeing, for example to apply necessary things to their own body. It helps them with their overall learning curve when they learn to do that themselves at an early age. It helps them progress quicker as they have learned ~ listen ~ look ~ apply ~ grow.
(rather than an adult doing the fix/adjustment for them)

My original post commented there is never a reason to touch a player's body.
would apply it to this~
if somebody is going to walk up to a young person or teenager and grab their waistline and Shuffle their hips back and forth... I certainly hope somebody asks if that's okay to do that first, because I don't think it's appropriate to approach anybody and just do that.
Just my opinion.

I am not drawing that line for anybody other than myself.
How about you dfp?
Where is the line drawn?
From parents view?
Comments on where the line is drawn?

??? is there an age where this starts to matter more or less ???
 
Last edited:
Jul 29, 2013
6,782
113
North Carolina
if somebody is going to walk up to a young person or teenager and grab their waistline and Shuffle their hips back and forth... I certainly hope somebody asks if that's okay to do that first, because I don't think it's appropriate to approach anybody and just do that.
Yeah, as I said, I’m not doing that! And if for some reason I felt the need to, I’d ask the girl and her parents, in fact I’d want the parents standing right there with me!
 

radness

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,270
113
Yeah, as I said, I’m not doing that! And if for some reason I felt the need to, I’d ask the girl and her parents, in fact I’d want the parents standing right there with me!
Have asked parents to step into a lesson to do a balance test we do.
Also a couple resistance drills we do. Kinda close proximity. Better anyway helps parents participate a little ;)
I instruct how and they do it.
 
Dec 11, 2010
4,713
113
to be clear on my post and how I was contributing to this thread
*Simply to get people to think a little bit about their actions.

Not tell others HOW to instruct/coach/teach.
I think this is a good way to put this.

And as always on DFP, we are all coming at this from different perspectives. Those prospectives range from rec to the highest levels of competition, from 6 year olds to players that can order a Margarita with their combo plate after the game.
 

Cannonball

Ex "Expert"
Feb 25, 2009
4,854
113
Topics like this thread are the reason I am doing my best to tell my dd to get out of coaching. Regardless of intent, as a coach, you are now judged in the negative spectrum and are guilty until proven innocent. Like me, my dd gets close to her players. She coaches much like I do. My players pretty much all give me hugs. This weekend, I have texts from four players wanting me to take looks at their swings. Three of these players are former players in college. One is a current player. Still, here we go, a coach is receiving texts from players so that has to be bad. I ran into a former baseball player this weekend. I have been very sick and have lost approximately 40 lbs since February. Right away this former player gave me a hug and was upset that I look the way I do.

Today, four players are coming in to hit with me. Each one wants individual time. (45 minutes) Most likely the parents won't be there. Now, in our society, I need to worry. The covid stopped my private lessons. I doubt that I will do them anymore. I will most likely phase myself out now that I am a volunteer for the HS. I believe that I am blessed to get to coach the way that I did and do realize that now I am a relic. Carry on!

Edited to add:

WRT being a "huggy coach," I have never considered myself to be one. However, it is just something that happens. Again, the players and myself get close. I am the gruff old guy who yells, gets after it, ... and somehow the players not only take it, they want to get close to the old guy. I've never understood it. LOL
 

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