Do you wish your DD never started playing softball?

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RADcatcher

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,019
113
California
To answer your question, no. never. To elaborate, welcome your dd to the sh!t storm that is life. You should feel bad for the girls who have been sheltered, over protected and cater to. When they grow up and have to live there own lives, they are ill prepared to handle themselves.
Hit the like button on this because I took it as a tough love comment!
 
Oct 4, 2018
3,505
113
It is of my opinion that parents enable these coaches and that's why they exist.

Here is hoping that the next generation figures it out when they are parents. I always tell my players that if they should coach someday to not do it the same way I do. Be better.

Not sure if any of them understand in the moment.

Agreed.

We would be quick to walk from any of the stuff the OP is mentioning. We're lucky to live in a place (Atlanta) with so many good teams to choose from. We can happily walk if we see crap on the team we won't put up with.
 
Jun 6, 2016
2,302
113
Chicago
I often find myself lamenting about getting my DD involved in Softball (and other sports for that matter). My DD has never been interested in gaining a scholarship and plays sports merely for the love of the game and competition. My DD is 14 and it makes me sad to see the garbage that she has witnessed playing sports.

Sadly most of this comes from coaches (yes I know this will be an unpopular statement on this board). So many yelling and screaming at young girls is atrocious. She has witnessed coaches encouraging girls to cheat and/or play dirty (in the name of trying to win). My DD is fiercely competitive but refuses to do anything that could be deemed as cheating or just wrong. She has witnesses coaches horrible treatment of girls on the bench (threatening to bench them, calling them out in front of other girls, or in one coaches case give a girl the silent treatment). I think the worst are the coaches that happen to have a DD on the team. She saw the best pitcher on her team get cut because coaches DD was also a pitcher and he wanted his DD to be #1.

For me personally as a parent, I am always asking myself about the life lessons that she is learning through sport. She has certainly learned that life isn't fair and that politics play a role in almost everything. Sadly, I also look at how she is taught to sit down, shut up and not say anything or heaven forbid disagree with her coach. She has seen girls (parents even) labelled as troublemakers for simply having an opinion. She even said to me at one point that coaches think they run the world. That just made me sad. In this day and age with #metoo movement, it disturbs me to think that girls sport is not evolving and not allowing girls the safety to stand up and question things or have an opinion. Part of me hopes that she will quit all her sports fairly soon and just focus on school.

OK - I am off my soapbox.

This isn't the norm. Find a team with a batter coach.
 
Jul 31, 2015
763
93
Yes we have finally found some half decent people to coach her this season but not the greatest team skill wise. Yes I use the word "decent people" because I honestly think that is as important a criteria as their softball knowledge. We have 2 young ladies (non-parent) and they are fantastic.

She has seen way too much being involved in the sport for only 5 years and I really hope that she will see the positive aspects.

My DD had the meanest, most abusive coach of her career 10-12U. The team was very successful and the vibe among the parents and between players was extremely positive. I had no idea how demanding and exacting he was until she told me years later.

The second meanest coach was first year 14U. Guy was a mean drunk, but also a very good coach.

Neither of those guys are coaching now, ~6 years later.

The bad guys/gals eventually wash out.

********************************

But also...starting at 14U, softball becomes a business.

Where personal improvement, winning, playing time > team loyalty and friendship

Not sure where you live, but if you can keep looking for another team to join after this one (go watch them play during downtime at your tournaments, you'll get a sense of the team dynamics and coaching style).

Just in case she decides she wants to keep going and needs a better team.

Best of luck.
 
Last edited:
Sep 19, 2018
784
93
Hit the like button on this because I took it as a tough love comment!
I am not suggesting we seek out Jack@ss coaches. And I am NOT suggesting that if in a bad situation a parent should not help their child. Of course they should. Unfortunately, Jack@ss's are a part of life, as an adult there is just no way around it. Learning how to live with and deal with them is important.
 
Jun 11, 2012
702
63
DD had an awful coach first year 12U and a not so great coach first year 16U. Both were a one season coach for us. Her last coach before college was great and she played for him for 3 years. I wish we had found him sooner
 
May 24, 2013
12,512
113
So Cal
I often find myself lamenting about getting my DD involved in Softball (and other sports for that matter). My DD has never been interested in gaining a scholarship and plays sports merely for the love of the game and competition. My DD is 14 and it makes me sad to see the garbage that she has witnessed playing sports.

Sadly most of this comes from coaches (yes I know this will be an unpopular statement on this board). So many yelling and screaming at young girls is atrocious. She has witnessed coaches encouraging girls to cheat and/or play dirty (in the name of trying to win). My DD is fiercely competitive but refuses to do anything that could be deemed as cheating or just wrong. She has witnesses coaches horrible treatment of girls on the bench (threatening to bench them, calling them out in front of other girls, or in one coaches case give a girl the silent treatment). I think the worst are the coaches that happen to have a DD on the team. She saw the best pitcher on her team get cut because coaches DD was also a pitcher and he wanted his DD to be #1.

For me personally as a parent, I am always asking myself about the life lessons that she is learning through sport. She has certainly learned that life isn't fair and that politics play a role in almost everything. Sadly, I also look at how she is taught to sit down, shut up and not say anything or heaven forbid disagree with her coach. She has seen girls (parents even) labelled as troublemakers for simply having an opinion. She even said to me at one point that coaches think they run the world. That just made me sad. In this day and age with #metoo movement, it disturbs me to think that girls sport is not evolving and not allowing girls the safety to stand up and question things or have an opinion. Part of me hopes that she will quit all her sports fairly soon and just focus on school.

OK - I am off my soapbox.

You and your DD have certainly had a different experience that we have had. We've seen the kind of coaches you describe, but we are thankful that my DD hasn't been on any of those kinds of teams. The simple reason is that it's the kind of team I would pick for my DD, and not the kind of team my DD would pick for herself. I'm sad to hear that softball has been a negative experience for you and your DD.
 
Aug 1, 2019
427
93
It is of my opinion that parents enable these coaches and that's why they exist.

Here is hoping that the next generation figures it out when they are parents. I always tell my players that if they should coach someday to not do it the same way I do. Be better.

Not sure if any of them understand in the moment.
Good chance some of them will recall your words once they have their own kids and be more like Tony Dungy and less like Bobby Knight.

Hmm...Bobby Knight as a softball coach...I'll bet he would have tried to throw an entire bench out onto the field. ;)
 
Oct 4, 2018
3,505
113
To answer the question, however, not even once.

Softball has given my daughters (especially the younger one) so much. Taught so many life lessons, made Covid-19 lockdowns bearable, made so many friends, gained so much confidence. And has been fun for us parents to watch, make new friends, bond with our kids, etc.

We've had good to wonderful coaches our entire time. Not a single one that I'd consider bad.
 
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