Do you wish your DD never started playing softball?

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Sep 3, 2020
6
3
I often find myself lamenting about getting my DD involved in Softball (and other sports for that matter). My DD has never been interested in gaining a scholarship and plays sports merely for the love of the game and competition. My DD is 14 and it makes me sad to see the garbage that she has witnessed playing sports.

Sadly most of this comes from coaches (yes I know this will be an unpopular statement on this board). So many yelling and screaming at young girls is atrocious. She has witnessed coaches encouraging girls to cheat and/or play dirty (in the name of trying to win). My DD is fiercely competitive but refuses to do anything that could be deemed as cheating or just wrong. She has witnesses coaches horrible treatment of girls on the bench (threatening to bench them, calling them out in front of other girls, or in one coaches case give a girl the silent treatment). I think the worst are the coaches that happen to have a DD on the team. She saw the best pitcher on her team get cut because coaches DD was also a pitcher and he wanted his DD to be #1.

For me personally as a parent, I am always asking myself about the life lessons that she is learning through sport. She has certainly learned that life isn't fair and that politics play a role in almost everything. Sadly, I also look at how she is taught to sit down, shut up and not say anything or heaven forbid disagree with her coach. She has seen girls (parents even) labelled as troublemakers for simply having an opinion. She even said to me at one point that coaches think they run the world. That just made me sad. In this day and age with #metoo movement, it disturbs me to think that girls sport is not evolving and not allowing girls the safety to stand up and question things or have an opinion. Part of me hopes that she will quit all her sports fairly soon and just focus on school.

OK - I am off my soapbox.
 

RADcatcher

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
6,387
113
California
I often find myself lamenting about getting my DD involved in Softball (and other sports for that matter). My DD has never been interested in gaining a scholarship and plays sports merely for the love of the game and competition. My DD is 14 and it makes me sad to see the garbage that she has witnessed playing sports.

Sadly most of this comes from coaches (yes I know this will be an unpopular statement on this board). So many yelling and screaming at young girls is atrocious. She has witnessed coaches encouraging girls to cheat and/or play dirty (in the name of trying to win). My DD is fiercely competitive but refuses to do anything that could be deemed as cheating or just wrong. She has witnesses coaches horrible treatment of girls on the bench (threatening to bench them, calling them out in front of other girls, or in one coaches case give a girl the silent treatment). I think the worst are the coaches that happen to have a DD on the team. She saw the best pitcher on her team get cut because coaches DD was also a pitcher and he wanted his DD to be #1.

For me personally as a parent, I am always asking myself about the life lessons that she is learning through sport. She has certainly learned that life isn't fair and that politics play a role in almost everything. Sadly, I also look at how she is taught to sit down, shut up and not say anything or heaven forbid disagree with her coach. She has seen girls (parents even) labelled as troublemakers for simply having an opinion. She even said to me at one point that coaches think they run the world. That just made me sad. In this day and age with #metoo movement, it disturbs me to think that girls sport is not evolving and not allowing girls the safety to stand up and question things or have an opinion. Part of me hopes that she will quit all her sports fairly soon and just focus on school.

OK - I am off my soapbox.
Could feel the sincerity in your post.
What I gleaned from that is~ you are a parent watching your daughter learn about what life is going to have in it. It is a difficult moment when we recognize there are going to be these hard things people we care about are going to have to endure.

Perhaps being a softball player myself and my love for the game, what I recognized in your story is, a young woman who is willing to endure those things to continue playing softball! While enduring those things may be a hardship and unwelcomed task, how much she is building her backbone, her stamina, her endurance, her resiliency and her determination cannot be measured by what those other people are doing,
they are measured by her showing up!

My personality 🙂 encourage her to speak up and say to her team
'I will not cheat to win.
I will try as hard as I can to win and I hope you will join me.'
I would stand next to her on the field!
 
Last edited:
May 17, 2012
2,524
113
It is of my opinion that parents enable these coaches and that's why they exist.

Here is hoping that the next generation figures it out when they are parents. I always tell my players that if they should coach someday to not do it the same way I do. Be better.

Not sure if any of them understand in the moment.
 
Mar 4, 2015
507
63
New England
If she's playing for the love of the game, then I wouldn't have any regrets.

There are lots of awful coaches, but what you're describing isn't the typical experience of a travel ball player, IMO. My DD played 10 years of travel, and she didn't experience most of the stuff you're describing. She did have some coaches that she didn't like, some that yelled, or some that were negative. She resents some of that looking back, but overall, she liked most of her coaches.

As for the rest, she was never encouraged to cheat. If asked to give an example of where politics was involved in a coaching or roster decision, she couldn't name one (not saying it never happened, but she was oblivious.) She was not aware of any parents having issues w/ the coach. Again, it probably happened, but she was busy playing ball. If players are aware of politics and parental problems, that probably means they're being educated about it, or it's just so bad that everybody knows. Which begs Pattar's question: What have you done to help DD escape these toxic situations?
 

RADcatcher

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
6,387
113
California
It is of my opinion that parents enable these coaches and that's why they exist.

Here is hoping that the next generation figures it out when they are parents. I always tell my players that if they should coach someday to not do it the same way I do. Be better.

Not sure if any of them understand in the moment.
This happens!
 
Sep 3, 2020
6
3
Sure, but not for the reason you gave...

There are certainly crappy coaches out there..and there are good ones as well. Did you make any attempt to find the latter?
Yes we have finally found some half decent people to coach her this season but not the greatest team skill wise. Yes I use the word "decent people" because I honestly think that is as important a criteria as their softball knowledge. We have 2 young ladies (non-parent) and they are fantastic.

She has seen way too much being involved in the sport for only 5 years and I really hope that she will see the positive aspects.
 
Sep 19, 2018
749
93
To answer your question, no. never. To elaborate, welcome your dd to the sh!t storm that is life. You should feel bad for the girls who have been sheltered, over protected and cater to. When they grow up and have to live there own lives, they are ill prepared to handle themselves.
 

RADcatcher

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
6,387
113
California
Yes we have finally found some half decent people to coach her this season but not the greatest team skill wise. Yes I use the word "decent people" because I honestly think that is as important a criteria as their softball knowledge. We have 2 young ladies (non-parent) and they are fantastic.

She has seen way too much being involved in the sport for only 5 years and I really hope that she will see the positive aspects.
There are a lot of gnarly things to see on the internet. But that doesn't teach how to forge through it!

She is learning coping skills.

Oh wait LOL is that a skill, did i open a can of worms?
( just having fun with that)
 
May 17, 2012
2,524
113
To answer your question, no. never. To elaborate, welcome your dd to the sh!t storm that is life. You should feel bad for the girls who have been sheltered, over protected and cater to. When they grow up and have to live there own lives, they are ill prepared to handle themselves.

I disagree 100%. While sports can teach life lessons it doesn't need to.

I can teach my kids life lessons without sports. They will be just fine.
 

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