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Did I mess up??

May 23, 2008
28
0
First off let me say I know I am rough and I say things pretty blunt, which I know is hard for most girls. I have caought myself getting loud and try to keep it in check, I know I am really hard on my daughter, but I think I keep it in pretty good check with the other girls. Apparently a parent started dropping f bombs in the stands on a game ending play, they were directed at me, and the head coach will end up cutting the girl from the team because he will not tollerate that. I know I could have probably handled things better, and I am sure you guys will correct me if I am wrong.

"Tammy" was pitching for us, and she was up to bat. She hit the catcher on the arm on a catchers interfearance. The girl was on the ground wailing, I was coaching first base, and I told Tammy to go ahead and go to first. She was concerned about the catcher, as was everybody, but there was already to umpires, 3 coaches and 6 girls around her. Tammys mom started hollering something in the stands, I did not hear, but I think it was directed to me. The head coach called everyone to third base and we took a knee there. My thinking was to get Tammy away for the incident and tell her she did nothing wrong, and there was already too many people crowding around her. Anyway after a few minutes she was back behind the plate a few feet farther back. I think Tammy ended up crying more than the catcher.

Game ending play -- (my dd is small for just turning ten, this is a 12 team) We are home team with no time left -- my dd is the tying run on third with 2 outs. Girl at the plate hadn't done much this game. I am sure she was told to go on a past ball cause she broke instantly. Catcher gets a good rebound, anyhow she gets tagged under the helmet. The home plate umpire hadn't given us much help all night and this was just his 4th game and is only15. My dd is laying on the ground crying, and as I am walking toward home from 1st, I am giving the umpire a earfull about getting under the tag. I got to her and asked where it hurt and she just kept crying and pointed to the side of her chin. I stood up and said to the umpire how could the pitcher stand at the edge of the plate tag my dd in the face and her feet not get to the plate before the tag. Apparently when I did that Tammys mom and dad went off. I turned to pick my dd up and did not hear what was said. The head coach went to the back stop and said somthing to them. I do not know if I would have done it the same way if it was another girl of ours on the ground, but I can see where someone could think that. I just knew when she wasn't choking and pointed to the side of her chin that she would just cry it out in a few minutes.
I do not feel I am wrong, but the reactions of the other parents makes me question how right I am.
Tammys parents are loud and I wander if I will be scared from this, because I am sure their version will be told all over.
 

Amy in AZ.

Super Moderator
May 7, 2008
8,507
38
Tucson
I am not sure what Tammy's folks wanted her to do, after catcher interference. Tammy didn't cause the incident, the catcher stuck her glove out there. Tammy should have went to first, just like she did.

Then, why would they be mad at you for checking on your daughter?

Let it go. You don't know that anything was really being said, anyway.
 
May 23, 2008
28
0
They were mad at my lack of concern. Tammy was concerned about the catcher, so much so that she cried worse than the catcher. I guess they thought she should stand right there until we found out she was all right. My thinking on that was we are not emt's or her coaches, so we should move away and let them take care of it.

On the ending situation, They were mad because after I initally checked on my daughter, I then got on the umpire while she was still on the ground. I guess from what the head coach told me they were calling me stupid and uncaring using all the bad words imaginable, at the lack of concern for my daughter on the ground. The head coach told me today that he thought I just got a little over emotional at all the factors on this one. An immauture umpire, with a game ending play involving my daughter. He said he alsoo trusts that I would not have got back up and turned to the umpire if it would have been another girl on the ground hurt. That is what worries me, I got up and got on the umpire while my daughter was still lying on the ground.

All my coaches were hard and loud, this is my first full year concentrating on just my daughter, and I have learned that they do not take to hard and loud very good. I have tried to keep a cool demeanor, but after last night I realize that I still have a long way to go.

The head coach at this point has said I have improved all year, had a little set back and to learn from it and move on. He said he will stand behind me and will not tolerate what happened in the stands, he says Tammys parents are hot heads to begin with.

Thanks for letting me vent.
 

Amy in AZ.

Super Moderator
May 7, 2008
8,507
38
Tucson
The manager had no right to come and tell you what Tammy's parents said. If Tammy's parents want to talk to you, they can talk to you at a time mutually agreed upon after the game. But don't get into the he said, she said stuff.

You were right (in my opinion) on both subjects you have mentioned here.

Tammy needed to go to first base.

You needed to ask the ump about the slide. Whether it was your DD or not, you were right.

I don't know what age these girls are, but most if not all do not want dad overly concerned about them getting hurt and rushing in to comfort them. That would be embarrassing.

You said that you knew your DD well enough to know that she wasn't hurt.

Sure, the umpire is only 15, but he also needs to know what a high tag is.

And, of course, this isn't really about the 2 episodes that you describe. It is about mouthy parents in the stands that don't know a thing about softball.

I am guessing that these girls are 10?
 
May 23, 2008
28
0
It is a 12 team, my daughter and a couple of others are 10 and play at both ages. Tammy is around 11. The three younger girls have asperations and ability to play farther on. The older girls are just there, might play for their small school jr high team, or they might not. This team's parents have voted not to do but one tournament, so as soon as league is over the head coach has suggested we get together to discuss next year. My dd and his and the other asst. coach are the 3 younger girls.

Thanks Amy I am feeling better about the whole thing after today.

Anyone near Okla need a 10 year old utility player/pitcher to fill in in tourneys? She told me today to get on the internet and find her some tourneys like I did last year.
 

sluggers

Super Moderator
Staff member
May 26, 2008
5,854
63
Dallas, Texas
I got to disagree with Amy on this one...

I, sadly, was a lot like you are when my first daughter was playing. The deal is that you are becoming the focus of the game--not the kids, not your daughter, but you. This is your daughter's game, not yours. It's the kids game, not yours.

Berating a 15 year old kid for blowing a call at home plate is ridiculous. Guess what? The reason you lost the game was the dropped pop up by your infielder, the ground ball that went between somebody's legs, or the base running error--not because a 15 year old kid made a mistake. And, by the way, the reason the kids made those mistakes is because the coaches didn't do a good job teaching the players.

What, by the way, are you teaching the kids? To throw a temper tantrum when things don't go your way?

I've coached and watched softball games at every dog run in the west and midwest, and here is what I've learned:

(1) Nobody cares whether you won or lost the game--the kids will forget about the game 2 minutes after they shake hands.
(2) Bad umpires are part of the game. If you are going to scream at every bad call, you better get yourself a cardiologist.
(3) When in doubt, keep your mouth shut.
(4) If you can't obey rule (3), get a lawn chair and sit down the left field line about 100 feet from 3B.

JRW
 
Jun 17, 2008
23
0
Fond du Lac, WI
Wow, So many different opinions. Well here's another one.

Well I am a women and 26, my father was also my coach. At the age of 14 he told me to get my head out of my a** and get serious ( I was pitching with him and not doing well) at the age of 16 my high school coach charged the mound and politely got in my face( because I gave my dad a dirty look about a pitch he called that got slammed) I deserved it. I myself as a coach have been hard on the girls at times as it is the only way to get through to them ( at least where I coach as we are new and the girls don't have nearly the training they should at this stage) I am firm but caring. They know not to cop and attitude or yell as i will do the same. I have the girls respect, I love those kids and I respect them.

I guess what I am saying is that kids have to realize that life isn't peaches and cream, everything is not going to fall on their plate unless they work at it, one of my basketball girls made a quote this year " just because we deserve it, doesn't mean their going to give it too us". I think as parents ( I have two kids as well) we need to understand that our child is not going to be the best at everything, there will always be someone better so support your child and everyone else's as they learn and grow be hard on them when they need it be kind and gentle when they need it and be a friend when they need it.

Yes you should have sent her to first, it was not her concern at the time, once she was up and better then Tammy could go and see how she was doing that is just the way things go. The 15 year old umpire, I always say I would never do their job, yelling at him isn't going to do anything but go talk to him defiantly. Ask him what he thought, was there a rule that he could have engaged what were his reasons for the out. He is only going to learn from the situation and maybe in the future he will see another of these circumstances and know what to do. As far as your dd was concerned, do you know your DD? Was she bleeding tremendously, blacked out, struggling for life? Was there someone else there that was helping her? I would have confronted the play too, not only should she have been safe but his disregard for the rule got your dd hurt. That was your way of protecting your DD. Thats what my dad would have done. (ps my dad and I have a great relationship still even though he was hard on me).

I guess I see all kinds working in a high school and think why is discipline and hard work such a bad thing now. Kids and their totally disregard for rules, disrespect for teachers and elders, its really hard to watch. I just had a 15 year old tell me she was pregnant and excited. WHAT!!!!! She said that maybe her parents will respect her now that she is going to be a parent.

Well now that I am off my soap box, but please really sometimes you need to lay down the law with boys or girls.

Good luck to everyone this wonderful season.
 

sluggers

Super Moderator
Staff member
May 26, 2008
5,854
63
Dallas, Texas
Being passionate about softball is not the problem. Being disappointed about losing isn't the problem. The problem is the way you're expressing that passion.

It might to help to realize that you are teaching the kids all the time. What *should* you have taught the kids about what happened? What did you teach the kids about what happened? Teach *ALL THE TIME*, not just at practice.

When something happens, think, "What do I want these kids to learn from this?" What you did with the catcher's interference was absolutely correct. The kids need to learn that bad things happen, and people do get hurt. But, "the game goes on." (This is an important *life* lesson, not just a *softball* lesson.) Empathize: "I can see you really are upset over this. I understand why you are upset. You wish you didn't hurt her. But, in softball, people get hurt. The game goes on."

The play at the plate was the one where you really needed to "back off and think big thoughts". Teach, teach, always teach (including the umpire). Whenever in doubt, go back to "I want to teach these kids a life lesson." What would be a good life lesson for the kids about the play at the plate?

It is perfectly OK to be excited and disappointed about the play. If you aren't passionate, then you shouldn't be involved in softball anyway. But you display that passion by telling the team, "I really was disappointed by the umpire. I'm upset about it. But, hey, that is life. You don't get every call. But, you know the umpire's call didn't lose the game. We lost the game. If we fielded better, hit better, pitched better, we would have won the game. "

Then, call it a day and go get some ice cream. As long as there is ice cream, it is a good day at the ball park.
 

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