Dealing with gay/bi players

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Jun 11, 2012
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No one suggested discrimination or keeping gay kids off a team. I’m mostly wondering about policies and rules, and if that’s something coaches ought to consider. I've always considered team sports a place where kids could get away from romance and romantic expectations/pressure. Kids today have different views on sexuality and gender ID, and it makes the dynamics of things like sports teams different than it used to be.

And I think it’s wrong to think that a romantic breakup is no worse than a BFF one or an argument over a boy. Teenage romances, no matter the gender, can be devastating, and force a team into choosing sides.
You didn’t suggest keeping gay player of a team but another poster did so that was directed at them.
losing a best friend as a teenager can also be devastating. I’ve seen both happen to close friends of my DD and neither one is pretty. And they only force a team to chose sides if the people involved make them chose sides.

As I’ve said before having gay/bi players in a team is only a problem if someone else makes it one. DD has played with numerous gay/bi players on club/HS/and now her college team.
If the coach has a problem with the PDA let the coach handle it. Something as simple as “the field/practice is not the appropriate place for PDA”.
 

radness

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,270
113
I’m not suggesting that. I am asking about team dynamics. i told DD about a former teammate who might guest for her team at a Halloween tourney and she cringed. When I asked why she said it was because this girl hit on everybody on the team last year. theres nothing wrong with it, but made people uncomfortable. That’s different from having to listen to gossip.
No thats only your perspective that its only uncomfortable for the girls who were being flirted with.
BTW. you completely ignored the points made about gay players being made uncomfortable by the TONS of heteresexual junk brought to the field.
Does that matter?

It does make other people uncomfortable when anyone straight or not rambles at a team function about their sex life.

Reading your perspectives on this really express your one sided narrow view of the topic.

Its only uncomfortable for you cause you seem to only see this as a new topic.

Its the same topic anyone has to deal with at school or with friends and will be in life.
gay straight whatever.

Just to say
The slutty straight girl was always talked about...because of their sluttiness. But maybe that didnt bother you because it seemed more normal. NO actually its just as NOT appropriate at the field.

How about the added junk pressure to the girls who dont date yet, not sexually active,
hearing any of it?!

Just sharing, its not a one sided topic!
 
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radness

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,270
113
I've always considered team sports a place where kids could get away from romance and romantic expectations/pressure.




Kids today have different views on sexuality and gender ID, and it makes the dynamics of things like sports teams different than it used to be.

And I think it’s wrong to think that a romantic breakup is no worse than a BFF one or an argument over a boy. Teenage romances, no matter the gender, can be devastating, and force a team into choosing sides.
Perhaps this is the gap in evolving thinking process.
If you thought sports IS where teens get away from sexuality stuff.
That in itself is inaccurate!
As i've been pointing out...
Hetero's have been chatting that topic up at the field for decades!

While teens do chat about sexuality topics with their teammates,
Cant recall a post where a coach asked
"How do i get the girls to stop talking about boys?"
"How should a coach approach the players talking about birth control in the duggout?"

Yeah, i learned a lot listening to others in the duggout.
 
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sluggers

Super Moderator
Staff member
May 26, 2008
7,133
113
Dallas, Texas
This is probably will not come as a surprise to anyone, but I really don't care who loves who. It is none of my business. If two people are happy together, God bless them.

But, my abstract belief of "people should be free to love whoever they wish" has problems in the real world. Teenagers are a handful...they are always pushing the boundaries, and sometimes they do outrageous things for no other reason than to be outrageous.

True story: I was an AC on an 18U team. There was a break between games, and the team was, as usual, sitting together under a tree. Two of the players started making out. Now what?

How should a coach handle that situation? I didn't have any magic answers that day.

Today, I would probably have a private discussion and say, "Whatever you do before and after team activities is your business. But, while on team activities, your conduct is unacceptable." If a girl were making out with her boyfriend in front of the team, I would do same thing.

The college coaches my DDs played had a similar approach. They would *not* let couples share rooms together on trips. They were not allowed to kiss, hold hands, etc., when they were doing team activities.
 

Cannonball

Ex "Expert"
Feb 25, 2009
4,854
113
Wow. A lot to sift through here. First, for RAD, if any girl were to talk about themselves or their "slutiness," I would tell them to keep that to themselves. We are there to play softball. I really don't think that one's orientation matters until they make it matter. Yes, that does happen. How much? I truly think not nearly as much as people think and "fear' that it does. My daughter played on teams both TB and in college that had people of different orientations. She dealt with it in a couple of different ways. Of course she is big and powerful. But, to be honest, her best friend and many of her friends are gay and it has never mattered. We knew long before the parents. It never mattered to us. On the field, they played ball at a very high level. Off the field, they all accepted each other as friends and not some type of orientation. A couple of these players asked my wife and I to help them tell their parents. That was tough to do BUT we were so glad that they trusted us and, in the end, I would say that it has worked out really well. I am going to mention that this happens in baseball as well though no one ever talks about it. I coached HS baseball for a few decades. I knew things about players and I know that the players figured things out. It simply never came up in the dugout.

One final thought. I never went through life thinking that I was any orientation. I simply took things as they came. Many of these players are the same. They are there for a sport and not looking for anything more.
 
Mar 28, 2014
1,081
113
There are coaches who will have girls sign a "contract" (it's an agreement) that they will not date a girl on the team. That's their policy and if someone doesn't want to sign then they can't play on the team.

Just want to add that it is laughable to compare drama between two teammates who are dating each other with drama from a teammate who is experience boyfriend trouble.
 

radness

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,270
113
Just want to add that it is laughable to compare drama between two teammates who are dating each other with drama from a teammate who is experience boyfriend trouble.
Hmmm? are you saying one is more impactful than the other?

Shouldnt they both be treated equally as far as a conversation towards standards of no drama/dating issues on the field?
Example
Your boyfriend cheated on you.
Dont cry at practice.
Your girlfriend cheated on you.
Dont cry at practice.
The reprecussions of emotions are the same.
 
Nov 22, 2019
194
43
Minnesota, USA
Hmmm? are you saying one is more impactful than the other?

Shouldnt they both be treated equally as far as a conversation towards standards of no drama/dating issues on the field?

No conversation, just policy. Any personal relationships are to be left in the parking lot. Whether you're dating a teammate or someone else, it has no business in the dugout, on the field, or anywhere in between those when you are at a team event.

Handled any other way it will inevitably lead to issues.
 

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