DD held to higher standard

Welcome to Discuss Fastpitch

Your FREE Account is waiting to the Best Softball Community on the Web.

Dec 11, 2010
4,713
113
My days of coaching dd are over.

I‘ll add this not because I think anyone here is wrong or because I think my answer is the only answer.

I tried hard to treat her the same as other players.

Not only to be fair to her, but ALSO because there are some really subtle messages that are sent when you correct your dd more often. Strangely, some will absolutely take that to mean you care more about her than the other players. Which you do, of course, lol.

Also: I made this mistake two or three times: I would get on my dd for something I wanted the whole team to do better. That never works. It actually shut down the rest of the team. I knew I screwed up the first time I did it. Took me one or two more times for my simple brain to realize I should quit doing it, lol

Being a good parent coach is a really tough thing to do. You just have to know that you will probably mess up but you just have to keep working on it.
 
Sep 21, 2019
17
3
Yeah it is tough and I believe there are differing ideas of what daddy ball is. Around here it is considered daddy ball when the coaches kids play where they want irregardless of other talent on the field. For our team every spot is earned no matter the players name. We have lost multiple girls due to them not being the best at their position and having to play somewhere they don’t want to play.


And for more info about my DD’s lack of effort it stems from feeling like she is one of only a few girls that care about winning or getting better. Half our girls flat out don’t care at times. I have been working with DD about trying to lead our girls and to speak up how she feels but clearly girls don’t voice their opinions quite like we did when we were that age.

after talking through all this, I understand that come spring we should be hitting some tryouts
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
There is no way in he&* I could coach my kid in softball. I tried it for 2 seasons in basketball and sucked at it ( we won the championship her last season of this but it didn't have anything to do with me other than DD was the best player in the league by far..).


I MIGHT be able to run practices for her team but there is no way I could be on the field when she played games. Heck being in the same area code is difficult enough.
 
Dec 2, 2013
3,410
113
Texas
Some things that don't get mentioned. When you are a coach on the same team your DD plays, they will hear a lot of stuff that they really shouldn't hear that is said about her teammates, parents, or other teams. They have an inside ear to inner workings of team. You do your best to shoo away your DD if there is a sensitive conversation going on, but they know what's up. If a player doesn't like what Dad coach says or does, DD may hear the backlash under breath comments and it can weigh heavy on our DD's. They are always the first to the field, and the last to leave. They want to leave, but parents and or players want to chat or work with the coach. They get to hear our frustrations on the way home, and even though it may not be directed at DD, they will take it personally. It's not easy for our DD's to be Daddy coach's kids.
 
May 6, 2015
2,397
113
at 10u, maybe try a fixed rotation, unless the lack of effort/focus is really bad. everyone sits a couple of innings a game (possible exception for Ps or Cs, but then they may sit an say 3-4 innings next game that day).

trust me, at 10, the pressure they put on themselves if they fear getting pulled becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
 

radness

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,270
113
the pressure they put on themselves if they fear getting pulled

Wonder if coaches in 10u are purposely wanting to create that pressure...
cuz some surely recognize this factor.
Are those coaches trying to teach

A. How to deal with the pressures on the field? (Being pulled doesnt teach that!)

B. How to deal with pressures being taught if your not perfect you get the boot?

C. How to sit and go into deep contemplation why their throw was bad and visualize its perfection. Stimulating a future muscle alignment that corrects every technical aspect of throwing
'during the pressure already on the field'? (hmmm? little bit of snarky came out :) yes they can think about it but to what extent does it help?)

*whats really going on when a 10u player gets pulled?
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
*whats really going on when a 10u player gets pulled?
I played a decent amount of baseball and until I entered the softball TB world I had never seen a kid pulled in the middle of an inning for anything other than an injury. Now this may be due some behavioral differences that have developed in the 20+ years since I have played but I doubt it. If a kid isn't giving effort than wait till the inning is over and sit her. I don't see how embarrassing a kid (who already probably has an attitude problem if she isn't giving full effort) by making her run all the way across the field in the middle of an inning is going to motivate her to try harder next time. Half the time I think coaches do these sorts of things to make themselves feel better about the situation...
 
Last edited:
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
Also while one person may see "not giving full effort", another person may see a kid who is so afraid of making a mistake (due to how their coaches react) that they may not "go full steam ahead"....
 
Jul 29, 2013
6,782
113
North Carolina
another person may see a kid who is so afraid of making a mistake (due to how their coaches react) that they may not "go full steam ahead"....
This was a problem years ago on a 14U team my DD played on, HC could become a completely unglued lunatic! Give me a kid who goes all out 100% and makes a few mistakes along the way!
 
Apr 28, 2014
2,316
113
Some coaches who have kids on the team feel like they're under the microscope because of the daddy ball stereotype. DD has played for coaches with kids on the team who were fair to the point where you never knew who the parent was and also on a team where everyone knew it was daddy ball USA.
DW and I made the choice when DD aged out of 14U ball that she would not play on a team with a parent coach that had a reputation for daddy ball. Worked out for us, but we always favored paid coaches who have no kids on the team. Just keeps that drama out of the conversation. Lord knows there's enough drama in softball without that added drama.
 

Forum statistics

Threads
42,831
Messages
679,484
Members
21,445
Latest member
Bmac81802
Top