DD held to higher standard

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Jul 14, 2018
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As some others have mentioned, playing time should have nothing to do with performance at 10U, especially at the ‘C’ level. It should be all about development, and the coach should have a plan before the game starts about who is playing where and for how long.

It’s okay to hold your daughter to a higher standard, on the car ride home. On the field and after the game, praise what they did right and identify what went wrong, and commit to your team that you’re going to practice the things they can improve on.

I know it’s tough to let go, I coached DD through second-year 12s in Rec. But I haven’t been her coach in travel since first-year 10U and her softball journey has been her own, as it should be.


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Oct 26, 2019
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I played a decent amount of baseball and until I entered the softball TB world I had never seen a kid pulled in the middle of an inning for anything other than an injury. Now this may be due some behavioral differences that have developed in the 20+ years since I have played but I doubt it. If a kid isn't giving effort than wait till the inning is over and sit her. I don't see how embarrassing a kid (who already probably has an attitude problem if she isn't giving full effort) by making her run all the way across the field in the middle of an inning is going to motivate her to try harder next time. Half the time I think coaches do these sorts of things to make themselves feel better about the situation...
Last tournament we played in there was a younger team that probably shouldn’t have entered the tournament honestly. The coach made 2 pitching changes mid inning without leaving the dugout - just yelled out the change and the girls switched. I felt so bad for the girls. If you are going to take me out of the circle and put someone else in, at least have the decency to walk out to the circle and do it yourself.
 

radness

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,270
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Last tournament we played in there was a younger team that probably shouldn’t have entered the tournament honestly. The coach made 2 pitching changes mid inning without leaving the dugout - just yelled out the change and the girls switched. I felt so bad for the girls. If you are going to take me out of the circle and put someone else in, at least have the decency to walk out to the circle and do it yourself.
Coaches like that deserve a thick peanut butter sandwich just befor the inning starts....
 
May 20, 2015
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always held mine to a higher standard, and told her so.......she understood early what it meant to be a coach's kid, and understood she was held to a higher standard......she rose to it, and made it her point to never be slacking at practice, to hold her performance in games to a hight standard, to let her performance speak for itself.....she also suffered through being, more often than not, the first starter pulled from a game when we went to subs, because that's how i did it.....coach's kids always tended to sit first in those games......she got it, she accepted it, she's a betetr player because of it.....in fact this year when she started slow due to covid lost time and wasn't hitting up to her standard, she asked to be dropped in the order lol

DD #2 struggled with it when she was really young (7/8 on a solid 10u roster).....she played OF, and i had my assistants choose who started where and when to avoid questions.....but they still came up......i can remember the conversations with her as to why she couldn't call me dad at practice.......we also had one hot summer practice where we were doing a bunch of instructing at one point during practice.....whole team, it was an infield situational piece....we were rotating all through the infield, because 10u and they all needed to know, there was no real specialization .....girls who were standing in the outfield, listening and learning but not getting a rep yet, sat.....4-5 of them.......the conversation amongst a parent or two included that MY DAUGHTER sat during practice.......although there were 4-5 of them and WE WERE OK WITH IT in this instance........she learned a lot during those conversations, and adjusted, and is also better off for it


it's a fine line......let your DD know the deal, tell her why she's being held to a higher standard.....i was always really open and frank with my two, and even let them know about the 'dark side', when parents were running their mouths, etc.......honestly understanding how coaches worked and what we had to deal with and what sort of considerations went into our decisions (again, i was pretty open with them......THIS is why i switched pitchers then, this is why we set the batting order like this or made this change), really helped them to understand the game more and made them better; i considered that sort of insight into how our minds worked was the caveat for having to be held to that higher standard........

coaching your own isn't easy, and to be honest not everyone pulls it off.....some favor their kids or are in it just for their kids; some find it puts a stressor on their relationship; i've seen one divorced dad who essentially let his 12 year old run the show because he was trying to stay in good graces.........but when it is done right, there's a reason why opposing coaches, etc can often pick out the coaches kid in your lineup or at a tryout or clinic; many tend to carry themselves a certain way, the ones that have been coached right, and they often have thick skins and good work ethics and a better understanding of the game

my eldest has moved on to a bigger 18u org (she's a 2nd year 16)........she's looking forward to being able to prove to many that she wasn't just a member of 6 straight state championship teams, who shared a last name with the coach.....that she was ONE of the reasons those teams won 6 straight, that she was a leader on those teams, and earned everything she's accomplished so far.....it might be a year or two later than i had planned, but she's ready to go out and prove something, playing for someone else......can't wait to see it
 
May 6, 2015
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Also while one person may see "not giving full effort", another person may see a kid who is so afraid of making a mistake (due to how their coaches react) that they may not "go full steam ahead"....
this is why I always preached "you might fail to make the play, but if you are going to possibly fail, make it spectacular" (ie try for do or die rather than lettin ball drop in front, etc.). once they have failed spectaculary enough, they beging to succeed at the spectacular plays.

10u is precisely the place for failing spectacularly.
 
Last edited:
Jan 5, 2018
385
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PNW
this is why I always preached "you might fail to make the play, but if you are going to possibly fail, make it spectacular" (ie dor or die rather than lettin ball drop in front, etc.). once they have failed spectaculary enough, they beging to succeed at the spectacular plays.

10u is precisely the place for failing spectacularly.
FAIL FANTASTICALLY!
 

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