DD heartbroken by coach

[JLS84]

We were harassed by a coach since last season to be in his team, this season our daughter decided she wanted to join that team because her friends were there. So we gave in (we’ve had issues in past and do not like a specific parent on team)

we told coach last night our daughter had made the decisions to play with him, my husband asked him for practice schedule
& if girls had practice today. He said he was just going to work with his daughter and another player.

So my husband decided to take our DD to park for reps... low & behold the whole team was practicing without my daughter.

when my DD got off the vehicle, she attempted to run over there thinking she had practice with her friends... it took all of me to be strong and to tell her she was not invited to the practice.

My husband worked our DD out and the coach never approached him to tell him the mix up or invited my DD over, the other softball players even went to say hi to my DD! When my husband called the HC after practice it went straight to voicemail.

How do I approach this coach in the future, Do we call him out on it or let it be?

Most importantly, how do I explain what happened to my naive 11 year old?

***Update
Coach has bombarded us with messages & calls apologizing & asking to give second chance, he is blaming parents stating they have issues of whether we will commit to team

 

[22Lefty]

Not wanting to jump to conclusions...but unless there's a misunderstanding or miscommunication somewhere then this coach isn't worth a minute more of you or DDs time. Do not suffer fools gladly.

Unfortunately you will come across too many of these kind of people in softball. They don't handle "adulting" very well. Hard to explain to an 11 year old but I have used situations like this to teach mine how to be and how not to be a decent person.

On the plus side there will be plenty of positive experiences and examples that you can point to along the way as well.

Good luck.

 

[JLS84]

Im so bothered that he took the time to have his daughter lure my DD (Through social media) to go to his team. Then pulls this!

We never wanted any part of his team but my poor DD just wanted to play Ball with her friends.

Im happy we have other choices when it comes to teams, but it is a hard life lesson for my DD.

 

[John 800]

That’s crap, if something changed and there was no longer an open place, just say so. Honestly, it’s probably easier now before she is invested in the team. What kind of bs will he pull later, perhaps after you have less options.

 

[chinamigarden]

Perhaps. And I’m just trying to see both sides. He wanted to explain to the team, and the other parents, this change he was making. Adding a player to a roster after the parents think it’s set can be tricky.
To just add a girl with no warning might create a lot of tension, setting you and your dd up as interlopers. Maybe he was going to use this practice as an opportunity to explain what he was doing and why he was bringing on your DD

Just a thought.

 

[bmakj]

Perhaps. And I’m just trying to see both sides. He wanted to explain to the team, and the other parents, this change he was making. Adding a player to a roster after the parents think it’s set can be tricky.
To just add a girl with no warning might create a lot of tension, setting you and your dd up as interlopers. Maybe he was going to use this practice as an opportunity to explain what he was doing and why he was bringing on your DD

Just a thought.

but then he could have just said, we are practicing today, but i have not told anyone we are adding your DD, want to have this chance to talk to the other girls and parents regarding the addition before having your DD attend. I would not even have a problem if he said I want your DD, and after she accepted, to ask you not to announce it until he had a chance to tell the team. so my vote is he is slimy. was probably getting ready to cut someone who would be at that practice.

I swear to God, if EVERYONE involved in youth sports would just be upfront, open, and honest, a lot of hard feelings could be avoided. how hard is it. geez, my college age child on the spectrum "adults" better than this.

 

[JLS84]

Perhaps. And I’m just trying to see both sides. He wanted to explain to the team, and the other parents, this change he was making. Adding a player to a roster after the parents think it’s set can be tricky.

Just a thought.

she had already joined them for batting practice the week before & Invited to Saturday practice but was unable to make it because of a prior commitment out of town.

The coach flat out said he wasnt gonna practice with team till Thursday at batting cages.

TBH my daughter is a class A player so this is not due to performance, this coach has harassed us for a year to go to his team...
With comments like “I have all her jerseys ready, just bring her” “When is she gonna join us, girls cant wait for her to play with the team”

so parents & player were aware of the possibility that she may join.

 

[JLS84]

exactly! I just wish I could blast him for what he truly is... but we are not those types of adults.
Everyone in our community knows the type of person he is but those outside our area fall for his charm, he is a manipulative snake.

I want to express this did not hurt my ego one bit, Im upset because it crushed my daughter!

 

[uncdrew]

How bizarre.

I can't think up any logical explanation for any of it. Why wouldn't she be invited to practice? Why wasn't she quickly invited once you showed up?

Now I can understand him not answering his phone. Add cowardly to his list of qualities. :down:


So is she on the team or not?

 

[JLS84]

We haven’t spoken to the HC because he didn’t answer my Husbands call but we already contacted other team that wanted her