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DD blows the game


Aug 21, 2008
Boston, MA
last weekend, DD's team was playing a good game (indoor, timed game) but blew it at the end. two outs and all of a sudden no one could get the ball to 1B and 1B (DD) couldn't keep the ball in her glove.

In pregame practice, she jammed a finger which bothered her throughout the game. She did fine a 1B but before her 2nd AB she told me she couldn't grip the bat with her top hand. I told her to do the best she could. she was fine until the end of the game where she made a good play and came down hard on the jammed finger. after that she couldn't keep a ball in her glove. After her 2nd error in a row (she had been playing great up till now), I asked her what was wrong, she said the finger was hurt on that play, i suggested she come out of the game, she said she would be ok. There were two outs and still a good lead so I didn't push it. It was a long shot for the other team to catch up, let alone win. As a father I was proud of her for toughing it out, as a coach I wasn't so sure it was the right thing to do.

How would it be best to discuss this with her to make sure she understands? Playing hurt is one thing, but only giving 70% because you're hurt is another. I want to make sure she understands that she hurt her team, but I don't want to hurt her, I want her to learn.
Jul 17, 2008
Troy, Illinois
Be careful!

I don't understand the intent of your post. You discuss how proud you are of her trying and yet, you're blaming the loss of a game on her. My dd played most of the summer injured. She had a torn tendon and ligament in her wrist. We didn't know this until after Nationals since the first diagnosis was just a sprained wrist. She gave her best. She was a good teammate setting a good example. Your child did the same. If you assess blame this time, are you wanting credit next time for her? A team is a team. No individuals. If you are second guessing your coaching move, don't ask the kid and then blame the kid for wanting to play. JMHO!


May 13, 2008
DD blows game


Are you sure she played 70% or was she just doing the best she could therefore giving 100% but with the injury just not able to keep going. Sometimes this is a coaches decision for the team not for the individual. IF you see she is struggling and you have the option set her down for her own sake. This could quite possibly be a coaching error just as easily an error for your daughter. I think she probably already feels bad that they didn't win.....no need to heap more on her. Also you said no one could get the ball to 1st base and DD couldn't hold onto ball.....so there were other team members not performing its a team loss not an individual one in my opinion including the coaching.


Aug 21, 2008
Boston, MA
Thanks for the responses. I think it was more a coaching error on my part plus the team imploded at the end of the game. She was giving her best, but I should've replaced her when I sensed what was going on with her. Another instance of not going with my gut. (like the time I thought she was too tired to go to gymnastics practice but brought her anyway and she tore a ligament 5 minutes into practice). The other coach is the head coach, but he had no way of knowing. He had just commented on her being "on fire". In the end would it have made a difference? maybe not.

Even though I wrote it, I didn't mean that she actually blew the game. I think both she and I thought she could finish the game with no problem. there were at least two easy final-out opportunities that were blown that she could do nothing about. A comedy of errors. it happens. As long as they learn from it then it's not a loss in my book.

Rather than DD, I think it was a more important lesson for me to learn.

thank you.
Oct 8, 2008
Long Island, NY
I had a similar situation this weekend, I just put together this team in September and put them in a fall league to get used to playing together. this particular weekend our 2 shortstops we unable to make the games so thinking about who to play my coach say put your DD at SS.

Now let me tell you about my daughter honestly, she is not a starter on the team. She is a catcher and outfielder and very thin (ok she is skinny) for her size. But she knows how to play the game better than many 18yo and she is 13. When the season started we had the girls write on an index card their 2 favorite positions and what they want to improve on during the winter. Most girls put the usual hitting, throwing, get faster etc. She put down her favorite position is wherever the team needs her, and what to improve on was to keep her shoulder in, her stride foot towards the pitcher and to drive the ball more. Well let me get back to the game.

I put her at shortstop and in the 1st 2 innings she makes a few very good plays on ground balls and tags out stealing at second. My coach look at me and says hey maybe we have another shortstop. Well we get into the last inning and we score a few runs to take a 1 run lead. They get up in the bottom of the last inning and get runner on 2nd and 3rd with 2 outs. Batter hits a ground ball to my DD at short she pulls up to fast and it goes under her glove 2 runs score and we lose. I felt so so bad she was in tears on her knees at short. I was going to go out there but a few players walked over and hugged her and got her up. When she came in to the dugout I patted her back told her it was a tough game and let it go. All the way home in the car she was crying how the she let the team down and they lost because if it. she says "Dad why didn't I keep my butt down and just make that play? We lost because of me". I got her to calm down and explained that win or lose we do it as a team I will never blame anyone for a loss.

I guess what I'm trying to say is one thing I learned over the years is coaching girls is A LOT different than coaching boys. Girls want and need to feel that they are making the teammates and coaches happy. I will never tell a girl the game was lost because of her mistake nor do I harp on an error. The player know she made the error and it better to reinforce the positive of the play then to rehash loudly what was done wrong.

Remember, when you daughter finishes playing , whether in HS or college, you are not going to look back on the error she made at 15 in some tournament in some month in some game many years ago. But the joy and great memories you had with your DD for all those years. Enjoy it while you can.


May 7, 2008
"In pregame practice, she jammed a finger which bothered her throughout the game. She did fine a 1B but before her 2nd AB she told me she couldn't grip the bat with her top hand. I told her to do the best she could. she was fine until the end of the game where she made a good play and came down hard on the jammed finger. after that she couldn't keep a ball in her glove"

Let me get this correct here; Jammed finger on top hand when batting, so batting right handed.

Later hurt so bad could not keep a ball in the glove?? So glove is on the right hand also???

Throws left, bats right???


Softball fan
Feb 28, 2008
Montreal, Canada
You had a good suggestions. I will just add one thing: indoor games = prep games during the off-season. It's now that you have to heal an injury - NOT in the summer. If you don't look after it now, it will not go away easily. Better to miss some training in the winter than being stuck with that injury in the summer.



Aug 21, 2008
Boston, MA
Hal- it was the third finger of her throwing hand that was hurt. (Pregame Fielding practice) It affected her grip while batting, didn't hit well but she got by. She said she was unable to hold onto the ball with her glove because she couldn't get the sore hand on the glove to hang on to the ball. It sounded weird. she also said something about having trouble keeping her glove on her hand(like it is all of a sudden too big). Earlier in the game I saw her make many catches with a long stretch and one hand.
Initially I thought she was making excuses rather than owning up to making a mistake.

Marc- I agree. we're playing winter ball to have fun and be ready to hit the ground running when spring ball starts. She's ok now. Bruised at the knuckle, she was able to play her saxaphone yesterday in a veteran's day assembly at school. I expect that she'll be back to normal next Saturday.

thank you!


Super Moderator
Staff member
May 26, 2008
Dallas, Texas
I'm going to try to put this in a bigger context for you.

Coaches teach players to lie about injuries.

You, as a parent, should work on building the trust so your DD always tells you "the truth" about her injuries so you can help her take care of herself. As long as she is telling you the truth, then you can help her manage her injuries.
If she loses that trust in you, she will lie to you, too, and then she will be out there "on her own".

If you start going to the coach about injuries and if you influence the decision about whether she plays or not, she will stop talking to you about injuries.

Your best course of action as to injuries is to listen to your DD and help her manage her injuries. You should tell her that you will support her decision, whatever it may be, and then give her your advice, and then *SHUT UP*. (Unless, of course, it is a life threatening injury.)

TRUE STORY: I made a large of number of mistakes with my first DD. They are too numerous to mention. She played way too much with too many injuries because I was an idiot.

My second DD had a serious injury playing hoops. The college coach told her *NOT* to go see her own doctor about the injury because he was afraid the doctor would not let her play. (The coach, by the way, was the NCAA coach of the year a few years ago.) But, we went anyway. The doctor advised my DD not to play. She told him and me that she was going to play no matter what anyone said. Rather than getting p*ssed off (like I would have been with my 1st DD), I simply said, "OK. She has made her decision. What can she do to minimize the risk of further injury? What treatments should we use before and after the game?"

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