Daughter is playing too tight

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Jan 24, 2013
2
1
DD moved to a new high school. She knows some of the girls. She’s a catcher. The new team has an established catcher. They are friends. My daughter actually likes her a lot. That’s not the problem. She would be willing to play another position. Coach doesn’t seem willing to let her play another position. Ok I get it, she’s got an established team. The problem is my daughter is putting so much pressure on herself to crack the line up she’s suddenly a mental mess. I think part of it is she’s overthinking everything. She’s always been a confident power hitter. Last year at her old school she was a big hitter all year. This year she’s freezing at the plate suddenly. She says she’s not sure why, she’s thinking swing and then doesn’t. I think part of it is, she is at least for now the DH. She’s afraid of losing that. Coach told the team she wants to win. She doesn’t care if the girls have good or bad attitudes, she putting out the best 9 regardless of their attitude. Today she was told if she doesn’t swing she’s getting pulled. She’s so worried about it. I have to help her reset her mind. She hasn’t been able to get to her hitting coach because he is a college coach and this time of year his schedule is tight. She played two innings of defense only in a scrimmage game and did fine. Hasn’t seen the field since then. The other catcher is good and my daughter is also a very good catcher but she just isn’t doing anything to special that’s different. So i know she’s not knocking out the starter unless she does something completely better. . Both girls are solid. So she was embracing the role of DH and hoping at some point she would get a chance to play some defense. But her problem is now, her usual confident hitting self is also gone. Any advice? She is getting the tee out now that the weather is finally breaking to get in a lot of extra swings.


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Your daughter is in a very common situation that happens a lot and tends to sidetrack the mindset of a lot of young ladies. I was just certified to instruct Mental Performance Mastery from Brian Cain. There are several strategies to help your DD. 1) Focus on what she can control- which is her ability to bat, be prepared to catch, and be the best teammate possible. 2) Focus her batting on her process and not results. Her batting coach has keys for her I am sure. 3) have her come up with a routine when entering box that has an action, a deep breath, and positive self talk, and have a plan every at bat. This will bring her focus to the present and allow her to relax and be the best she can be. 4) if she has a bad at bat or swings at a bad pitch etc, she has to have the “so what , next pitch” mindset. Meaning she has to recognize her reaction, release that feeling with an action and deep breath and then refocus on present pitch etc. Have her read one of Brian’s books.
 

NBECoach

Learning everyday
Aug 9, 2018
408
63
DD moved to a new high school. She knows some of the girls. She’s a catcher. The new team has an established catcher. They are friends. My daughter actually likes her a lot. That’s not the problem. She would be willing to play another position. Coach doesn’t seem willing to let her play another position. Ok I get it, she’s got an established team. The problem is my daughter is putting so much pressure on herself to crack the line up she’s suddenly a mental mess. I think part of it is she’s overthinking everything. She’s always been a confident power hitter. Last year at her old school she was a big hitter all year. This year she’s freezing at the plate suddenly. She says she’s not sure why, she’s thinking swing and then doesn’t. I think part of it is, she is at least for now the DH. She’s afraid of losing that. Coach told the team she wants to win. She doesn’t care if the girls have good or bad attitudes, she putting out the best 9 regardless of their attitude. Today she was told if she doesn’t swing she’s getting pulled. She’s so worried about it. I have to help her reset her mind. She hasn’t been able to get to her hitting coach because he is a college coach and this time of year his schedule is tight. She played two innings of defense only in a scrimmage game and did fine. Hasn’t seen the field since then. The other catcher is good and my daughter is also a very good catcher but she just isn’t doing anything to special that’s different. So i know she’s not knocking out the starter unless she does something completely better. . Both girls are solid. So she was embracing the role of DH and hoping at some point she would get a chance to play some defense. But her problem is now, her usual confident hitting self is also gone. Any advice? She is getting the tee out now that the weather is finally breaking to get in a lot of extra swings.


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Your comment "she's a catcher" to me as a coach is a red flag. Kids need to be able to play multiple positions for just the reason you stated that the current catcher is established and is likely comfortable with the pitchers. She may even be a better player. I know you stated she would be willing to play another position. But can she? Is she better than the current player at that position?

OK now I'm going to get a little deeper...... do not be offended. Not the point of the comment. It appears your daughter is afraid of failure at a game where failing is part of the game. If she sits for a few innings how does she act? She needs to be ready to enter the game at any time and use the opportunity to show she is a team player. For example lets say she is pinch hitting late in the game and gets the bunt sign. Is she disappointed because she wants to swing away and gives only minimual effort, or is her attitude "I'm going to lay down the best bunt I can?
 
Last edited:
Jun 27, 2018
291
28
Sorry I should have said “she’s usually a catcher” and yes she will go wherever a coach asks her too. I believe she is afraid of failure. Why? I don’t know but she definitely wants to make her coaches happy and she’s had two coaches (one at 14u and one at 16u) that were really not good for her. The 14u coach yanked her early in the Spring (in a game two runners in a row stole on her) and never put her back in the line up on defense. I understand pulling her but that whole Spring into early summer she never gave her a chance to work her way back in. Kinda gave up on her. She did great hitting that year though. She ended up getting on another team that summer and did great on defense and offense. 16u was a complete opposite of 14u. Coach loved her on defense but hated her hitting style. (She hit .600 that Fall.) She went to a hitting coach that was teaching her a different style than what he was teaching. So that winter in the off season he tried to change her swing “for her own good.” The problem was he embarrassed her and belittled her in front of her team mates and called her swing a “preschool” swing. I would describe it as a TTB launch angle swing and he didn’t understand it and he hated it. Totally messed her up. I think because he was a loud guy and he intimidated her. I’ll never forget at our first team meeting he said he was going to work on his anger control. I thought he was kidding. At the same time this was going on she switched to a new high school and the coach wasn’t really interested in changing her existing line up. It’s all understandable but wouldn’t you think she would let her compete for a position somewhere??? Looking back I think the experience from the 16u coach and switching schools made her play a little tight last Spring for that new high school team. (It wasn’t a powerhouse softball school, the previous high school had a much stronger program and she did great there). Anyway that was last year and now she is on an 18u team and she had a great Fall and well, who knows when they will play again. And as you know school ball is cancelled. So she is still practicing on her own. We may start up video lessons with her hitting coach. She did join a rec league and they are tentatively going to start up May 16. She’s also verbally committed to a D3.


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NBECoach

Learning everyday
Aug 9, 2018
408
63
Sorry I should have said “she’s usually a catcher” and yes she will go wherever a coach asks her too. I believe she is afraid of failure. Why? I don’t know but she definitely wants to make her coaches happy and she’s had two coaches (one at 14u and one at 16u) that were really not good for her. The 14u coach yanked her early in the Spring (in a game two runners in a row stole on her) and never put her back in the line up on defense. I understand pulling her but that whole Spring into early summer she never gave her a chance to work her way back in. Kinda gave up on her. She did great hitting that year though. She ended up getting on another team that summer and did great on defense and offense. 16u was a complete opposite of 14u. Coach loved her on defense but hated her hitting style. (She hit .600 that Fall.) She went to a hitting coach that was teaching her a different style than what he was teaching. So that winter in the off season he tried to change her swing “for her own good.” The problem was he embarrassed her and belittled her in front of her team mates and called her swing a “preschool” swing. I would describe it as a TTB launch angle swing and he didn’t understand it and he hated it. Totally messed her up. I think because he was a loud guy and he intimidated her. I’ll never forget at our first team meeting he said he was going to work on his anger control. I thought he was kidding. At the same time this was going on she switched to a new high school and the coach wasn’t really interested in changing her existing line up. It’s all understandable but wouldn’t you think she would let her compete for a position somewhere??? Looking back I think the experience from the 16u coach and switching schools made her play a little tight last Spring for that new high school team. (It wasn’t a powerhouse softball school, the previous high school had a much stronger program and she did great there). Anyway that was last year and now she is on an 18u team and she had a great Fall and well, who knows when they will play again. And as you know school ball is cancelled. So she is still practicing on her own. We may start up video lessons with her hitting coach. She did join a rec league and they are tentatively going to start up May 16. She’s also verbally committed to a D3.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Sounds like a great kid. Hope it all works out for the best.
 
Mar 28, 2014
1,081
113
OK now I'm going to get a little deeper...... do not be offended. Not the point of the comment. It appears your daughter is afraid of failure at a game where failing is part of the game. If she sits for a few innings how does she act? She needs to be ready to enter the game at any time and use the opportunity to show she is a team player. For example lets say she is pinch hitting late in the game and gets the bunt sign. Is she disappointed because she wants to swing away and gives only minimual effort, or is her attitude "I'm going to lay down the best bunt I can?
Ok do not be offended as it is not the point........... but your comments combined with you being a coach concerns me because part of a coach's job is to get his/her players to perform to the best of their ability but your comments seem to indicate that you expect certain things from them to come naturally without your input. Guess what? No way that happens. This poster is talking about a kid playing at a new school so she's obviously going to be uncomfortable and you are saying "She needs to be ready to enter the game at any time and use the opportunity to show she is a team player". To which I respond, it is YOUR job as a coach to make sure that she is ready to enter the game at any time to show she is a team player. It is YOUR job as a coach to make sure she isn't disappointed that she gets a bunt sign late in the game. You're the adult here. It's up to you to create an environment that will make her feel comfortable and not go through the mental struggles that a typical high school girl would have on a new team. Why do so many coaches take the easy way out and think it's entirely the girl's responsibility to do all these things? Blows my mind how little time coaches spend on the mental part of the game and particularly the team culture. Why are you there if these girls are already finished products and need no coaching? Take it upon yourself to forego the path of least resistance that most coaches take who expect a ready-made player to land on their doorstep. Do some COACHING. Mold them into the player you want them to be, don't expect that they can do it all on their own.
 
Last edited:

NBECoach

Learning everyday
Aug 9, 2018
408
63
Ok do not be offended as it is not the point........... but your comments combined with you being a coach concerns me because part of a coach's job is to get his/her players to perform to the best of their ability but your comments seem to indicate that you expect certain things from them to come naturally without your input. Guess what? No way that happens. This poster is talking about a kid playing at a new school so she's obviously going to be uncomfortable and you are saying "She needs to be ready to enter the game at any time and use the opportunity to show she is a team player". To which I respond, it is YOUR job as a coach to make sure that she is ready to enter the game at any time to show she is a team player. It is YOUR job as a coach to make sure she isn't disappointed that she gets a bunt sign late in the game. You're the adult here. It's up to you to create an environment that will make her feel comfortable and not go through the mental struggles that a typical high school girl would have on a new team. Why do so many coaches take the easy way out and think it's entirely the girl's responsibility to do all these things? Blows my mind how little time coaches spend on the mental part of the game and particularly the team culture. Why are you there if these girls are already finished products and need no coaching? Take it upon yourself to forego the path of least resistance that most coaches take who expect a ready-made player to land on their doorstep. Do some COACHING. Mold them into the player you want them to be, don't expect that they can do it all on their own.
[/QUOTEi


I have coached TB from 2001 to 2012 and HS JV for the past 8 years so I know there are issues with being new and I know about COACHING. I spend time at many practices talking with the players about school because I want them to understand that we as coaches care about them as student/athletes not just softball players. I spend time each year un-teaching them the horrid skills and lax behavior SOME TB coaches have allowed which cuts into the time I could spend on mental aspects of softball.

I do have high expectations of our players. And you know what? The best most successful coaches I have met have high expectations of their players whether incoming freshmen, or returning players. I have spoken with many about how they work with players, They are not mean or a bully, but recognize that while not a finished product, (which is where coaching comes in) when you become a member of the team you take on responsibility to your teammates and yourself which leads to a level of maturity.
 
Apr 22, 2020
17
3
DD moved to a new high school. She knows some of the girls. She’s a catcher. The new team has an established catcher. They are friends. My daughter actually likes her a lot. That’s not the problem. She would be willing to play another position. Coach doesn’t seem willing to let her play another position. Ok I get it, she’s got an established team. The problem is my daughter is putting so much pressure on herself to crack the line up she’s suddenly a mental mess. I think part of it is she’s overthinking everything. She’s always been a confident power hitter. Last year at her old school she was a big hitter all year. This year she’s freezing at the plate suddenly. She says she’s not sure why, she’s thinking swing and then doesn’t. I think part of it is, she is at least for now the DH. She’s afraid of losing that. Coach told the team she wants to win. She doesn’t care if the girls have good or bad attitudes, she putting out the best 9 regardless of their attitude. Today she was told if she doesn’t swing she’s getting pulled. She’s so worried about it. I have to help her reset her mind. She hasn’t been able to get to her hitting coach because he is a college coach and this time of year his schedule is tight. She played two innings of defense only in a scrimmage game and did fine. Hasn’t seen the field since then. The other catcher is good and my daughter is also a very good catcher but she just isn’t doing anything to special that’s different. So i know she’s not knocking out the starter unless she does something completely better. . Both girls are solid. So she was embracing the role of DH and hoping at some point she would get a chance to play some defense. But her problem is now, her usual confident hitting self is also gone. Any advice? She is getting the tee out now that the weather is finally breaking to get in a lot of extra swings.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I had similar issues at the college level (im a retired D1 athlete) and here is what I can contribute in hopes that it helps some what. I used to be in and out of the lineup, the same thing feeling like if I didn't do something amazing that it wouldn't lock me into the lineup. Then I felt all of this pressure in those few chances I got. I would do really well, and still not be consistently in the lineup, or I would do bad and the same result would happen. It was then that I realized having the mentality of always trying to please the coach and be good enough in their eyes was something that was an uncontrollable. It didn't matter what I did, they were going to think whatever they wanted to think about me. So I started focusing on my own goals in those moments, like having a good at-bat, hitting my pitch, letting it get deep etc. and never focused on results. Because clearly that wasn't going to change the coach's mind, so why should I lose my self-confidence over something that I can't control? Then in those few chances I had, I was able to focus on my own goals and it felt good to have a plan and to have a focus. It took my mind off of what everyone else thought and all of those uncontrollables. My confidence came back because I decided it was not something that would be dictated by anyone else but myself! Then suddenly those big moments seemed to happen and i performed better under pressure because ultimately i had decided there was no pressure at all! I recently started a blog, it covers topics like this and more (www.d1insidethelines.com). This gives me a great idea for a topic for a post so thank you, and I hope this helped even a little bit! Best of luck!
 

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