Coach issues

[Rambler34]

Need opinions please. We have one coach who after running girls into multiple outs this weekend proceded to get on the girls hard. One of the girls said he actually grabbed another by the jersey. There is know way any of the parents saw this or it would have gotten ugly. I do not know if this happened but I do know he is extremely loud and did speak to each of the girls as they were coming off of the base paths.

After the game two parents approached the HC about the issue. I was then asked by these two parents and three other sets to talk to the HC as well to voice our concerns. Personally my DD has not actually been affected by any of the issues with him. I do not want her to perform based on intimidation but nothing has been directed at her at this point. I believe they have asked me since I was previously with the organization and some of them are not comfortable being in this situation at this point.

There are other issues along with this that have a real chance of tearing our team apart after the fall season. I have no problem speaking with the HC but do I approach the subject of parents threatening to pull their girls? I do not want it to come across that we are threatening him but it is an issue that needs to be corrected.

 

[joemcq51]

Would you be able to approach the coach in a friendly manner? Perhaps ask if he wants to get a beer after practice. Since you are getting put in the middle, I would try and find some 1st person examples to use in your conversation. The last thing you want is to come across like someone spreading gossip. Let it be known that several parents have asked you to say something. You do not need to sound threatening. Not an easy conversation to have, but sounds like you have been selected to have it. Just try and stay as calm as possible. Know ahead of time that the coach may get offended, and be prepared for it. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

 

[quincy]

If you or your DD have experienced situations that you are not comfortable with address the HC, otherwise stay out of it.

 

[gvm]

If you or your DD have experienced situations that you are not comfortable with address the HC, otherwise stay out of it.

this is good advice !!!
parents were emailing me? calling me,pulling me aside, asking me to talk to the coach for them, because he respected me? well i tried that??? and eventually i just took my daughter off the team, which opened some playing time for some other players. and in turn those same parents acted like I was the problem and I was the one starting trouble? those same parents threw me and my DD right under the bus... i still feel i did the right thing, because if your mistreating children? someone should speak up.... but if the coach is mistreating their child? that child's parents, should say something...
"STAY OUT OF IT"

 

[Momo'sDad]

There's no one-solution-fits-every-situation for your issue, but it's certainly a common one.

I'm a fan of direct conversation, and I like to get it quick, because festering issues don't do us any good. Email me if you don't feel comfortable bringing it up to me in person, but while I understand it's so natural for people to discuss issues with other parents, I want the individuals with specific issues to approach me. Maybe it would be a good idea to have a parent-coach liaison in some organizations, but I'd rather be confronted directly. It's just my preference, but I don't want to be approached by someone on the team who has nothing to do with what is alleged to have happened.

FWIW, I do sometimes pat players on the helmet or shoulders. I know that some people are opposed to ever touching players for any reason, but no parent has ever made a single comment to me about it, nor is there any prohibition against it in our organization.

 

[howellhandmade]

Anybody remember the book back in the 80s called "Games People Play?" Sounds like somebody is playing a mean game of "Let's You and Him Fight." If my daughter is being mistreated it's up to me to do something. If everybody's daughter is being mistreated it's up to everybody to stand together and tell the coach to shape up or ship out. In my experience, the people who want somebody else to fight their battles are the ones who never had anything to do with it when the matter comes their way. Besides, if you didn't see the incident you have no way of knowing the truth. Hard to believe anything could happen on a softball field without at least one parent around.

 

[BB875]

I would stay out of it. Address the coach for issues you have, not as a spokesman. That is just BS.

 

[sluggers]

I do not know if this happened

Great...so, you don't know what happened, and your DD can't say if anything bad happened...

Sure, that is a *GREAT* reason to get in the middle of a coach-player spat.

I believe they have asked me since I was previously with the organization and some of them are not comfortable being in this situation at this point.

So, let me rephrase this:

"Hey, my DD is really upset about this team, and that SOB over there is making her upset. Will you take care of it for me because I'm not a confrontational person, but you are."

The proper response to the other parents:

"If the coach touched your DD, then you should complain to the head coach. There is no place for that on the softball field. But, I didn't see it, so leave me out."

If you want something a little more dramatic, try Humphrey Bogart's line from "The Maltese Falcon":

"I won't play the sap for you."

 

[Hollyrockartist]

RUN - in the other direction!! Why would those parents put you in the middle simply because you may know someone better than them? Their little darlings are the ones who apparently have issues. If you didn't witness the jersey grabbing (or even if you did and it wasn't your DD), it's SOO not your problem! Folks are quick to drag someone innocent into a situation that could eventually get ugly. Problem is the poo will fly your direction if you're not careful - "what? we never asked him to speak for us!" If that in fact happened and those parents won't stand up for their DDs, then SHAME on them!

 

[nanotech14]

I agree with staying out of it.I myself have had my head put on the chopping block,by others that asked if I would say something.Then when my head got chopped off,guess what? Those parents where like puppys with their tails between their legs."OH,we don't have a problem" Sometimes you have to worry about your dd and yourself.