Please help....I am at my wits end. One of the assistant coaches on my daughter's team blatantly favors his daughter to the exclusion of other and better players. He puts wheels in motion against any player who is in direct competition for his daughter's preferred position. To make matters worse, his daughter displays ridiculously bad behavior (crying, demeaning other players, sulking and whining, temper tantrums) and is rewarded with this favoritism anyway! And as if that wasn't bad enough, the coach's wife is the scorebook keeper and she cleverly "fixes" the stats so that her daughter has a better than deserved batting average, few errors, and a huge unearned on-base percentage......meanwhile putting clear hits down as errors, and giving undeserved fielding errors to the other players (especially the ones who play their daughters position...apparently an attempt to eliminate the competition). There are sooooo many examples it has been going on for a long time. Our new coach seems overwhelmed with her duties and so relies on this particular assistant coach, he is manipulating her so that she basically does what he wants. What should I do??
Coach favoring his daughter and "fixing" the books too!
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Run.
Sorry I'm not much help but it's your best option.
Sorry I'm not much help but it's your best option.
Thanks for your advice.... I guess deep down I knew that to "run" would be the only answer to this problem. And that's been exactly what has been happening.... unfortunately, we've already lost some great players due to this problem. I'm just afraid that if we leave, that we could end up with this same problem on some other team....I guess I'm jaded at this point and think how can we trust any parent coach to be fair? I have tried up to this point to believe (and I tell my daughter this) that she just needs to focus on being her best and that her talents will speak for themselves, that the cream will rise to the top so to speak, but I have come to the sad realization that she can do her best and be solid and consistent, and show herself to be an exceptional player ....but that none of that will be enough if this guy is putting the wheels in motion to "run her over" so to speak. It's such a shame - I don't know how this guy can look in the mirror every morning knowing that he is messing with 13/14 year olds lives/dreams like this. Chalk this one up to a life lesson learned! 
Your DD will run into similar situations later in life, not just in softball. This is a good opportunity for you to help her navigate these sorts of issues for the future (and again, not just on a new SB team). Parents/coaches that try to pave the way for their kids the way you describe are ultimately preparing them to fail. The question is whether you want to be around to enable that behavior or move on and find a better situation that fits what your DD needs.
Keep in mind however, that if your DD is 13/14, at this point these decisions should be more about what she wants, not what you want for her. If she is perfectly happy on this team and is oblivious to the shenanigans that are going on, why move her? Given that you have already lost a few players, I'm sure she is not oblivious, and knows what is going on. Talk to her about what she wants to do, and prepare her to understand that jumping to another team could be better, but may not necessarily be better. She may have to work twice as hard for half the playing time if the new team is much better. The grass is not always greener, but her current situation is unbearable to her, then a move would be appropriate. Good Luck!
Keep in mind however, that if your DD is 13/14, at this point these decisions should be more about what she wants, not what you want for her. If she is perfectly happy on this team and is oblivious to the shenanigans that are going on, why move her? Given that you have already lost a few players, I'm sure she is not oblivious, and knows what is going on. Talk to her about what she wants to do, and prepare her to understand that jumping to another team could be better, but may not necessarily be better. She may have to work twice as hard for half the playing time if the new team is much better. The grass is not always greener, but her current situation is unbearable to her, then a move would be appropriate. Good Luck!
This should have been our first clue to how this team worked...needed an extra pitcher for a tournament. I knew of one, so called her parents to see if she could guest pitch. Certainly. Pulls his DD after the walks had mounted. Guest pitcher goes to mound - his DD, no joke, THROWS her glove to the ground and storms to the dugout. Same age group as your DD! I was so embarassed and livid as the guest pitcher's momma was sitting right next to me. I could have crawled under my chair. RED FLAG - Daddy Ball.
We were in the same situation (wondering if you aren't from our area) and we RAN...we didn't raise a quitter, but when things like that are happening and the coach (in our situation) is in complete denial about his own DDs horrific attitude and playing ability, it's not worth the money put out to travel every weekend to watch as your child sits. After one error made by DD in a tournament (lost 3 games, total 6 innings, 43-0), she was told she embarassed the coach in the team meeting after that game and rode the bench the rest of the game. Did DD cause them to have 43 unearned runs on them? No, indeed not. He missed the 7 made by his DD at 1st one particular game...that, too, should have been a major red flag number 2 for us. However, DD wanted to keep playing with this team until the next tournament when she'd had her fill.
I am quite like you in the fact that I am jaded - husband more so. Just wanting DD to get adequate playing time and treated fairly. Bad attitudes seems to spread throughout a dugout like a wildfire. When coach's DD has the worst one in there, not much you can do if he doesn't see it himself and correct it. As horrific as most folks on this board think rec ball is, I allowed my DD to go back to her "tried and true" rec ball team from years back (same coach) to play the last few games of their season. She is having a wonderful time, fielding well and roping the fire out of the ball. Not only that, she is treated as an equal with all of the other players (including the coach's DD). School ball is the same way - coach's DD is on the team. He rides her like a camel - more than most of the other players. He's really good about dishing out the chewings equally when mistakes are made, his DD or not.
Good luck and trust me when I say that there ARE phenomenal coaches out there - just few and far between. Don't let this experience break your DD's spirit!
We were in the same situation (wondering if you aren't from our area) and we RAN...we didn't raise a quitter, but when things like that are happening and the coach (in our situation) is in complete denial about his own DDs horrific attitude and playing ability, it's not worth the money put out to travel every weekend to watch as your child sits. After one error made by DD in a tournament (lost 3 games, total 6 innings, 43-0), she was told she embarassed the coach in the team meeting after that game and rode the bench the rest of the game. Did DD cause them to have 43 unearned runs on them? No, indeed not. He missed the 7 made by his DD at 1st one particular game...that, too, should have been a major red flag number 2 for us. However, DD wanted to keep playing with this team until the next tournament when she'd had her fill.
I am quite like you in the fact that I am jaded - husband more so. Just wanting DD to get adequate playing time and treated fairly. Bad attitudes seems to spread throughout a dugout like a wildfire. When coach's DD has the worst one in there, not much you can do if he doesn't see it himself and correct it. As horrific as most folks on this board think rec ball is, I allowed my DD to go back to her "tried and true" rec ball team from years back (same coach) to play the last few games of their season. She is having a wonderful time, fielding well and roping the fire out of the ball. Not only that, she is treated as an equal with all of the other players (including the coach's DD). School ball is the same way - coach's DD is on the team. He rides her like a camel - more than most of the other players. He's really good about dishing out the chewings equally when mistakes are made, his DD or not.
Good luck and trust me when I say that there ARE phenomenal coaches out there - just few and far between. Don't let this experience break your DD's spirit!
One of my pitchers that I work with just found a new team for the same reason.... Loses were being put on her when they should of been put on coaches daughter etc... Actually the coach would not sign her release, but the nice folks at USSSA signed and got her on the new team.... It was not a question of playing time, but ethical choices individuals make. Especially when posting stats publicly, they better be correct...
While on the run, call parents who have gone to other teams
and find a fit where DD will be happy.
and find a fit where DD will be happy.
