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Can teasing a player be inappropriate?

obbay

Banned
Aug 21, 2008
2,201
0
Boston, MA
Recently my wife brought to my attention that it is clear that DD's coach has no confidence in DD and as a result, DD has no confidence in herself either. Sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Her level of play is declining. Wife hates coach, so I hear it a lot.

DD likes team and wants to stay. If head coach leaves the team after this season, she will be playing a lot as the next in line loves her.

the other night she was in RF and a ball got past her. She scrambled and got the ball in. The next time she was to be up to bat, the Asst. coach called her name, "hole-in-the-glove", her last name. And everyone had a laugh.

Is it appropriate to joke like that with a player who is struggling? (Especially when that the player is struggling because of you?)
 

sluggers

Super Moderator
Staff member
May 26, 2008
5,845
63
Dallas, Texas
No, it isn't appropriate. The way to handle a player's mistake is to simply note it mentally or in a book, and work with the player at the next practice to make sure it doesn't happen again. (If it were me, I would just take the whole team and practice how to field the ball in the OF. You can never practice that skill too much.) When a ball gets by an OF, it is almost always a technical problem related to lack of understanding as to how to field a ball. (I.e., you decide how you are going to field the ball before it is hit.)

As to the coach, thing...

You have a great opportunity to do some "life skills" teaching to your DD. This is where you can teach your DD about working with people and in a job. This will probably not be the last time she works for an a** in her life, so it might be good to explain how you would handle it at work.

Ray
 
Jul 16, 2008
1,434
38
Oregon
hmmmm in our last tournament my DD threw a pitch that got more of the plate than she wanted and the batter hit it out. It was the first time (she's 12U) that anyone has hit a HR (over the fence) off her. She was pretty down, but after a couple of HR stories of my own she was OK.

I now tease her about it.... of course she knows I'm just joking when I call her meatball at home :)
 
Jun 6, 2009
240
0
hmmmm in our last tournament my DD threw a pitch that got more of the plate than she wanted and the batter hit it out. It was the first time (she's 12U) that anyone has hit a HR (over the fence) off her. She was pretty down, but after a couple of HR stories of my own she was OK.

I now tease her about it.... of course she knows I'm just joking when I call her meatball at home :)
Kevin

I know what you mean. We were in Colorado at a college expo. tourney and my DD was pitching (she was just 14) and this kid comes up who was about 5'10" and 200+ (who was already playing college, this was back in the day when you could still do that) and my DD lets a riseball go that doesn't and this kid jacks it. It goes over the fence, over the light poles, trees, cars, parking lot etc. As the batter was rounding 3rd she looks over at my dd and say's "hey kid...Welcome to the big leagues." I would have paid any amount of money to someone if they had taken a picture of DD's face.

For the rest of the tournament, (come to think of it even to this day on occasion) no matter where we were, (restaurants, hotel, shopping mall) I would duck, cover my head with my hands and yell, "HEADS UP". She would roll her eyes and in an affected voice say "Whatever"
 
May 18, 2009
1,312
38
I think it depends on the situation and the player involved. Sometimes a little comedy to relax everyone is needed. In your DD's situation I don't think it was appropriate. You don't do it if a player is struggling. An older team, where my dd wants to play in two years, makes fun of each other when one of them misses a play.
 

Amy in AZ.

Super Moderator
May 7, 2008
8,507
38
Tucson
This was from the coach that loves her, right?

What a dad says to his DD is different than what a coach yells to a batter. I would have been tempted to yell, "Shut up."

But, if this came from the good guy, he is probably just trying too hard and would improve if you spoke with him. He probably doesn't realize what he did was iffy.
 

obbay

Banned
Aug 21, 2008
2,201
0
Boston, MA
This was from the coach that loves her, right?
No, there are 4 coaches. The head coach, the next in line asst coach (the reason DD is on this team) and 2 other coaches in their last seasons. One of which fancies himself a batting coach, keeps the book and thought he was funny. I think you are right that I should let him know and I'm sure he'd help her out knowing the circumstance. I'm trying to get her to open dialogue with her coach, but there's a good amount of loud kids on the team and she is shy. It's easy for her to get lost.

The "good" coach makes sure he lets her know when she does good. the head coach will tell everyone but her . In her first game at 1B this season, she made a play to get the runner out at 1b but forgot about the runner at 3b-so he yelled to her (appropriately)

a week ago same situation, weak hit toward 1b, DD runs in, gets it back to the bag for 1 out, wheels and fires a strike home and catcher drops the ball,. The feedback- "jeezus, throw the ball to her, you're not trying to kill her!" the next inning she was replaced with a girl who can't even catch half the time.
I would have been tempted to yell, "Shut up."
my wife has a few times. it's embarassing. we usually watch the games from different locations.
 

sluggers

Super Moderator
Staff member
May 26, 2008
5,845
63
Dallas, Texas
Don't get distracted by idiot coaches. Since all coaches are idiots, there is no real good way to avoid them. Ultimately, your DD has to love the game enough to accept the challenge of dealing with them on a regular basis.

My youngest DD played for a coach who was the NCAA coach of the year in basketball. During one practice, the coach got mad and tried to kick the ball to the far end of the court. The coach missed, hit the ball off the side of the foot, and hit my DD squarely in the middle of the face, knocking her to the floor. She got up, went to the showers to wipe off her face, and went back to practice.

She called me and was very upset. I told her, "You can either quit the team and report the guy for what he did. Or, you can say, 'The guy is an idiot', let it roll off your back, and keep playing. There is no right or wrong answer." She vented some more and then said, basically, "I'ld rather play basketball than try to teach the coach some manners."

The point is she loved the game enough to put up with the stupidity of the coach. It is part of playing sports.

Ray
 

FJRGerry

Abby's Dad
Jan 23, 2009
202
0
Collegeville, PA
A coach needs to be able to read his players - there's a big difference between good natured ribbing and intended put downs. I feel comfortable enough with some of the girls on our team (12U) to joke with them (and them with me), while others I won't because I think they have a more delicate personality. We have a couple who tend towards the lazy side and hear more from me, but if I ever see a hurt look I'll apologize and remember to not push it with them. After all I miss my share of thrown balls, make bad throws and missed swings too!
 
Jan 6, 2009
165
0
Texas
A coach needs to be able to read his players - there's a big difference between good natured ribbing and intended put downs. I feel comfortable enough with some of the girls on our team (12U) to joke with them (and them with me), while others I won't because I think they have a more delicate personality. We have a couple who tend towards the lazy side and hear more from me, but if I ever see a hurt look I'll apologize and remember to not push it with them. After all I miss my share of thrown balls, make bad throws and missed swings too!

A thick skin is required on our team, the teasing goes in all directions. Pitcher DD gives up a home run in last weeks tournament, and from OUR dugout comes 'Hey K, that was a nice pitch, you owe the team a ball now!'. Knowing that when k gets back to the dugout, the instigator will be catching a little herself. In a tournament last year, after a meeting with the blue, I turned and walked back to the dugout, but the wrong dugout (a very hot day, brain was baked) . They have taken to saying 'Over here - Over here -' to help guide this old guy.
 

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