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"Bully" coach or are we over reacting.

Jun 4, 2019
There is no 16 yr old in the world that has what it takes to go "talk" to a coach that acts like that. I think some of us forget what's it's like to be a teenager and have to talk to an adult, especially as a girl with a grown man that is acting like that.

The best softball coach I've ever known said 1 thing to me the first time I took a clinic from him. He said while boys have to play good to feel good, girls have to feel good to play good.

I suppose there a few exceptions, but I have found that to be true in most cases and for all age groups.

The coach sounds like a real piece of work.
Oct 2, 2011
Stop making excuses for these coaches. There isn't any. I hear the same justifications time and time again "he knows softball" or "kids on his team go to college" or "we are toughening them up" or "my kid likes it, he is just challenging them" or "they win a lot". It is all BS. They are terrible coaches and you shouldn't let your kid play for them. You can challenge and expect the best out of ALL players without it - even if your kid happens to be one that lets it roll off her back more than others.

There is always another team. If your kid can play, there will be a place to go in no time.


Allergic to BS
Nov 14, 2014
There's a fine line here, and it's in a different place for most everyone. Some won't tolerate ANYONE getting on their kid for anything, while others will tolerate thoroughly abusive behavior. Getting on a player during a game for a mistake is a common human reaction, but the better coach exercises self-control. The best correction is an immediately useful fix, or at least a reminder of what was previously taught. When that player then does it right, positive words need to follow. A player needs to be resilient, but confidence is a real thing, and it can be wrecked. Everyone, player and parent, has their particular limit of how much they'll tolerate. Don't reach the point where you're ready to throw down with a coach; it will be bad for all concerned. It's usually best to have the player do it. One can quickly gauge what a coach is about when spoken to by a player.
Mar 28, 2014
Yes he is a bully coach and no you are not overreacting. She needs to go to another team, not only because she will benefit from better coaching but also because it sounds like the team will likely blow up so she needs to find a spot before that happens.
Jun 12, 2015
For my kiddo, who's just 13 but I doubt I'll change my mind too much on this, I want a coach who's tough and will hold her accountable, but not crush her spirit or make her feel like crap. Your DD's coach sounds like a jerk who's too wrapped up in how the team affects his ego and identity. It's not good enough, he feels it's a reflection on him, and he is not handling it well.

Someone with so little emotional control is probably not going to be receptive to a conversation and I would worry about how that might go with a 16 year old. I think I'd split the difference between make her have the talk, and do it for her. I think her dad or I would be there with her to mediate and make sure the guy doesn't flip out and to help her if she gets stuck. A lot of adults have a hard time with conversations involving conflict. I don't think I'd expect a 16 year old to handle this guy alone.

I can't imagine a 16 year old catcher who is good enough to play on an 18U gold team will have trouble finding a team with a coach who has the best interest of the players in mind instead of his own win/loss record.
May 6, 2015
you do not need yelling and screaming to hold people accountable. We used to have a lady at our company, spoke very quietly, but it actually had the affect of making everyone listen closely to what she said, just and example, not really conducive to a sporting environment (noise, distance).

Also, I remember a story I read once about one of Dean Smith's first players, said Coach McGuire would scream at him and cuss at him and call him a ethnic slurs, did not affect him, but Dean quietly told him in practice once he thought the player could have fought through a screen harder, and it cut him to the core.

first you have to demonstrate to the players you really care about them as people and players, and that you believe they are capable of performing as you expect them to. Then, if you make critical comments (not berating them, but still critical), along with indicating you are confident they can make the play / correct the mistake, generally the players take it to heart, and will try their best to do it right/better the next time. build up their psyche, not tear it down. This is how you get players who will run through walls for you.
Oct 4, 2018
I have not (and probably will not) spoke to him about this. IMO it is to far gone. I have not spoke with other parents (but I did hear one mom say she hopes he has a heart attack from all the yelling and screaming).

It’s just a tough decision to leave a club without having someplace to go but I’m pretty sure that’s what it will come to.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I'm a little surprised you parents haven't all talked about it. Granted I'm in a much younger league (10U) but the parents comment and chat about every. single. thing.

I'd walk if I were you. Coach has some serious issues and it's not helping anyone.
Aug 19, 2015
Atlanta, GA
We had that last year and it is toxic. It will seep through the dugout and ruin that team. I promise you. You need to get out now. Once the girls internalize how the coach behaves, the finger-pointing and blaming will start in the dugout. Trust me on this.

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