building self confidence

[4 girl's dad]

We added a new player to our team this fall (14U). She is a good player but she is extremely hard on herself. For instance, yesterday she double pumped on a throw from C to 3B. We got the out and ended the inning. On the way in to the dugout, she was so hard on herself for double pumping the throw. I think it was still bothering her after the game. Her head was down and you could just see it on her face.

She is new to all of the coaches so we are still trying to figure out what makes her tick. She is very dedicated, traveling almost 2 hours 1 way to practice each week. She hustles in practice and does everything we ask and seems coachable.


Id like to help her get out of her own head, if possible. What have you done to help your players that are TOO hard on themselves? Im glad she cares but I dont want it to affect her play.

 

[cvsoftball]

she sounds like a perfectionist. somebody is making her that way, the question is who- herself or a parent.

 

[GunnerShotgun]

From my experience you cannot change her. My goal would be to make her self aware so she isn't hurting her play (and therefore the team).

She needs to understand that she will be coached so there will be adjustments/corrections forthcoming.

Also make a mental note not to yell at her.

 

[Tom]

My experience with players (and people) who are overly self critical sometimes require perspective on what success really is. In this case success was getting the out not having a perfect throw, I would make sure she realizes that.

Coach: "Good read and throw, you nailed that runner by a full step!"
Player: "Thanks, but I doubled pumped it"
Coach: "Would you have gotten 2 outs on the throw if you didn't"
Player: "Well no"
Coach: " So good play then, keep it up!"

She knows she didn't execute exactly right and will fix that herself.

 

[_MIA_]

As someone who was extremely hard on myself, one thing you want to stay away from is piling on when she makes a mistake. Address it calmly at the next practice if necessary. Of course this is probably
a strategy which one should probably use for all players but for those who beat themselves up, it will take it to the point where it will negatively effect their performance while other kids will
just let it roll off their back with not negative impact on performance.

 

[CanOfCorn]

I agree with pattar and Tom.

As pattar says she doesn’t need any pointing out was is wrong, she knows. My experience is young ladies at this age see every flaw so they can spot a bad eyeliner job two fields away, you are just pointing out the obvious.

Tom’s example raises a larger point. Again my experience is so much emphasis is placed only on results when there is a certain amount of luck involved. I suspect she has had some of it in the past and I would inquire. Let her know that is not how it works in your team. She got the player out, so who cares and the mock conversations was excellent because you can’t (usually) get two people out with one throw.

If she double clutched then why. Was she unsure of herself or maybe didn’t know if third baseman was ready or saw the same thing. Point out she had great instincts and a good throw but most importantly errors DO NOT equal failure. It is not called a fail in the scorebook. It is okay to go on instinct and take those chances to learn, the coaches are there to discuss the best options and help fix what goes wrong in practice. That is why you are on a team. I constantly tell players I am just waiting for them to believe as much as I do.

CoC


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[4 girl's dad]

Thanks for the replies!! We are not an overly critical coaching staff, anymore LOL. The players know when they have screwed up for the most part. We will address issues in a calm manner after the emotions of the play are gone.


Thanks again for the thoughts on this!

 

[Chris8]

From my experience you cannot change her. My goal would be to make her self aware so she isn't hurting her play (and therefore the team).

She needs to understand that she will be coached so there will be adjustments/corrections forthcoming.

Also make a mental note not to yell at her.

Spot on....also agree with Tom and Pattar below...

We have one like this. She knows. We don't have to say anything about the "mistake". We do try two tactics with our players
1) humor-which is the two outs comment below
2) I believe in you...that's why you're there!

The toughest player we have like this...we have to remind her that when she gets in her head....she's not available to be completely focused on the rest/other parts of the game....don't let that affect you AB's etc. Easier said then done...but we've found the longer she's been on our team...the shorter the "in her head" time is and gentle verbal cues help her snap out of it. It's a process and takes time...building that relationship and trust now will pay dividends later.